Romantic lines in bed

Replace ‘romantic’ with ‘married’.

 

Him

Wanna get pregnant?

You like that?

You’re tighter, who are you sleeping with?

Open your legs.

Did ___ (an ex) do that?

Hurry up.

I’m about too…

I’ve gas.

I’m tired.

 

Her

Hahahaha I’m drunk.

Bite me.

Shut up.

Stop talking.

“Beat them up,”

she said. Like me going to jail is worth it. I wouldn’t just lose the job I already hate. Forget any future government job or any decent job period with that on your record.

I’m sure I could. There’s no doubt in my mind I couldn’t. I mean, I did through out a girls arm only a few weeks after having a baby. If you don’t know what I’m capable of, why mess with me? You’re an idiot.

Let’s bring you back to my childhood. I wasn’t raised to be violent but to defend myself. So some boys took my shit or tackled on me to attempt to kiss me, I punched them in the face. Not the best way to handle but how do you expect a 4-5 year old to react? You want them to react that way and run when a creep tries to get them in their van!

There’s nothing special about me. I grew up in the projects, my parents spilt when I was 11, I lived in the country, I have a lot of siblings, my mother died of cancer when I was 27, I have a baby, etc.

People think there is because I’m quiet? Hey, I come here and do my business then leave. I don’t come to this place to make friends. Why would I? I hate my fucking job. So does majority of the population.

Unfiltered COVID thoughts

‘It’s not political people are dying’
Yeah, that’s why the big man is doing little but trying to get us checks. And people spend more time talking about it then anything.

Stop trying to normalize masks.
There’s nothing normal about wearing a stupid cloth on half your face. The only thing it prevents really, is from people smelling your bad breath and seeing you frown.

‘But it prevents…’
It’s not political? OKAY, show me hard scientific facts it does anything.

The last thing I want is for my daughter to grow up with this shit.
There’s nothing ‘normal’ about it. I hope it’s all gone by the time she goes to school. If not, I’d love to quit my job and homeschool here.

No, she is NOT wearing one when she turns 2.
Even if this thing is still going on. I’d rather not take her out in public, like I do now. Besides she won’t do anything but try to suffocate herself with it.

Are you a worker?
If not stop bitching about wearing a mask when you go out in public. An hour or two is a lot different than 40 hours a week.

Go ahead refuse wearing one
but it’s not going to help you get what you want. So your other choice is not go out.

Atypical

white rich man
dresses in suits
drives some expensive
sport car that sucks
in the snow
has Trump stickers,
hats, signs, etc
all over his office
to vote for him
because you don’t
like or trust the other candidate
is one thing but to actually
full on support and like him
is another… in my opinion

I’m forced to go in
each morning
and collect his trash
I can tell he never
brings anything,
always orders
I did too, when I worked
at a mall with disgusting food
who am I to judge
no one

Exactly my point
you’re old enough
to be my father
I don’t want any
stupid flowers or
awkward conversations
and interactions with you
cut the chase
no, I’m not going there
with you
I’d sleep with the man
moving all shit around
before you
and he doesn’t even
have a car

Odd questions at work

Do you have a razor blade?
Yes, I totally come to work and shave my business! Not.

How tall are you?
How tall does it look? I’m not short or tall. I’m boring average.

Do you have any tissues?
Nope. Let me not check my bag or car. Still no. If you’re sick, should you really be at work with what’s going on?

Where can I find windex?
Have you tried the store or Walmart? I’m not packing that either.

You’re pretty, did you take my money?
I don’t sell shit, so no. If you’re applying you’ll pay me $1,000+ for a stupid chair maybe I should reconsider.

How long have you been married?
3 years next month. Means nothing. We’d been together 8+ years. Why? You’re not my type. As if I really have a type, I don’t… very minimum he can’t be slow.

What is your relationship with the owner?
I have none. A few interactions here and there.

Have you ever pissed him off?
Not yet, or that I know of. I’m not trying to get fired or my hours cut!

Being an asshole for 5 minutes

Most of you move extremely slow because you’re old, have a big ass, or are overweight. 

I absolutely love dodging slow people, you should have told me that’s in my job description. 

I guess you’re all slow minded too, many can’t get it I don’t want to talk to them. 

I have no idea who that one lady is, she thinks I’m also her servant. She’s dumb as hell. 

I’m in the dress code I don’t know why the hell you all care so much what I wear. Because I’m attractive and you’re not. I’m the most attractive female here, you see it and try to make me wear pants way too big for me as an attempt to bring me down a notch. Well it doesn’t work. 

‘Tell me about yourself’

First off, my name is pronounced how it’s spelled. It’s not difficult. If you fuck it up numerous times, I have a few choice words for you. And I wonder, did you make it through high school? Nevermind, they’ll let the dumbest idiots graduate not like it makes a difference.

I have no experience in this field at all. I applied to dozens of jobs and I probably won’t remember I applied here. I’m looking for something that pays more. Why? It’s always about money. Although, you know that’s not why I left my last job. That’s complicated. Let’s just say I had enough. And no normal workplace is like that. My current job is not. But obviously, I’m bored and don’t like what I’m doing that’s why I’m looking.

I know you really don’t care who I am or what I do on my free time. You’re just trying to creep and look for clues why I would or wouldn’t be good for the job. Yes, I have boxing gloves in my car, a one year old, and husband. What does that have to do with my abilities? Nothing. It appears I already know English better than your employees. Sooooo…

Cancelled in 2020

My job
I was working at
for about 4 years
given the opportunity
to come back
I didn’t
they kept us in
the dark
another one that
pays more came along
I took it

My toxic relationship
with my ex supervisor
no we couldn’t be
professional
he asked me for pics
and I felt like he was
constantly trying to
manipulate and hang
me for not picking him

My gym membership
at that health club
I had for a year
they kept charging us
when they closed their doors
and I can’t help but
remember how rude
the desk people were
and that one old man that
basically singled me out
every MMA class I took

My routine
I got up early to
run or rollerblade
during the pandemic
I didn’t have the luxury
to do anything else in
the morning with
everyone sleeping

All those
opportunities
phone calls
emails
voicemails
unanswered
why?
they don’t fit
like the majority
of these masks
they make us wear

What’s his name

he’s tall
he’s jacked
he’s the only one
around here I had a
few conversations with
he knows my name
I don’t know his

maybe it’s
for the best
I know myself
too well
one thing will lead
to another
and that’s that
I have the tendency
not to get attached
but they do
I’m at my point in life
I don’t need that
it doesn’t mean
a thing

Odd fellow

What did you have for lunch? Pumpkin donuts. Yeah, real healthy I’m aware. I’m too lazy and careless to bother with anything else.

Are you on Facebook? I have one but I don’t use it. I’m only tagged in videos and pictures of my daughter. Who seriously asks that these days? Are you gonna friend request me? Haha.

How long have you been married? It’d be three years in October… Why?

How long have you been together? It’d be nine years in October. Why? Is it because I look young? We met in our early 20s, we’re 30. No we didn’t stay together the entire time, we went through on and offs and ups and downs.

What’s his name? What is this the third degree? Are you the police going to investigate him? Or just nosey?

What does he do for a living? He’s an accountant. More like a puppet that hits buttons on a computer all day. Exact opposite of anything and everything I do.

Has he met the owner? No. Why the hell?