Boss concerns

The place is trashed
So there’s several other employees, tell them not to be slobs.

No one is sanitizing shit
So it shouldn’t have been my sole responsibility to do all of it. Whose to say I didn’t catch it from work?

Who will do your job?
No one who cares let shit fly everywhere. No different than what you people do on the weekends.

It’s been almost 3 weeks
Nothing has been done. Again, not my problem. Contact the state and county. They put a one year in almost one month quarantine (and no I don’t extended pay).

Are you still positive?
Listen. You can be positive for up to 3 months it doesn’t mean you’re infectious. You stop being infectious after 10 days or 72 hours your symptoms go away. Don’t believe me? Contact the CDC.

Did you get another test?
I can however, but like I said it doesn’t mean it’ll be negative. And guess what? I can return to work with a doctors note if it isn’t. My husband is. You don’t like it? Pay me to stay for weeks or months until I get another job.

What are you saying?
You all are afraid of a virus you know nothing about. Hell, we don’t even know if what they say is true. But I still live in America and I’m not required to do shit. Especially if it’s not written in a law.

How are you doing? When are you returning?
I’m good. I’m healthy. I’m hoping never. This entire time you’ve been hounding me about my test and other people in my household to get tested. Yeah, no I’m not testing my one year old. There’s no law stating I have too upon returning and I shouldn’t. It’s apparent you people only care that you have to get off your ass and do something. I’ve done everything and I was forced out because other people.

Reminds me why I’m socially distant from the start.

‘Sexual harassment’ at work

Mandatory meeting, they said.
Why, nobody is getting harassed?
That I know or care to know of.
I know someone called the owner a narcissist and you only do well if
you’re a “yes man”.

I can somewhat see how that’s true
counting the few comments in the passing
or just this weird vibe he gives off
he asked me to be in a commercial
with him, why? I’m not being a
narcissistic but we all know
I’m the most attractive female here
because I’m ‘young’
so why not try to make yourself
look good? I declined
I don’t give a fuck about
‘gaining popularity’
last thing I want is people
coming here and thinking I sell shit
I don’t
it’s bad enough everyone refuses
to ‘do their part’ and disinfectant
the store, nope I was called upon
to do it along with everything else

I’m off subject
only comment someone has made to me
is “damn” and looked at my ass
he’s ‘special needs’ and has
no idea when he’s being inappropriate
is that an excuse, no?

I almost gaged at the part
‘don’t have sexual relationships at work, have them outside if you’re both consenting it’s not harassment’
why? Gee, perhaps I had sexual
relationships with men at a job
not here, the men are all boring
or too old
one of the few times I take pride
nobody has a clue about
my past or who I am
thank god

Odd questions at work

Do you have a razor blade?
Yes, I totally come to work and shave my business! Not.

How tall are you?
How tall does it look? I’m not short or tall. I’m boring average.

Do you have any tissues?
Nope. Let me not check my bag or car. Still no. If you’re sick, should you really be at work with what’s going on?

Where can I find windex?
Have you tried the store or Walmart? I’m not packing that either.

You’re pretty, did you take my money?
I don’t sell shit, so no. If you’re applying you’ll pay me $1,000+ for a stupid chair maybe I should reconsider.

How long have you been married?
3 years next month. Means nothing. We’d been together 8+ years. Why? You’re not my type. As if I really have a type, I don’t… very minimum he can’t be slow.

What is your relationship with the owner?
I have none. A few interactions here and there.

Have you ever pissed him off?
Not yet, or that I know of. I’m not trying to get fired or my hours cut!

Being an asshole for 5 minutes

Most of you move extremely slow because you’re old, have a big ass, or are overweight. 

I absolutely love dodging slow people, you should have told me that’s in my job description. 

I guess you’re all slow minded too, many can’t get it I don’t want to talk to them. 

I have no idea who that one lady is, she thinks I’m also her servant. She’s dumb as hell. 

I’m in the dress code I don’t know why the hell you all care so much what I wear. Because I’m attractive and you’re not. I’m the most attractive female here, you see it and try to make me wear pants way too big for me as an attempt to bring me down a notch. Well it doesn’t work. 

‘Tell me about yourself’

First off, my name is pronounced how it’s spelled. It’s not difficult. If you fuck it up numerous times, I have a few choice words for you. And I wonder, did you make it through high school? Nevermind, they’ll let the dumbest idiots graduate not like it makes a difference.

I have no experience in this field at all. I applied to dozens of jobs and I probably won’t remember I applied here. I’m looking for something that pays more. Why? It’s always about money. Although, you know that’s not why I left my last job. That’s complicated. Let’s just say I had enough. And no normal workplace is like that. My current job is not. But obviously, I’m bored and don’t like what I’m doing that’s why I’m looking.

I know you really don’t care who I am or what I do on my free time. You’re just trying to creep and look for clues why I would or wouldn’t be good for the job. Yes, I have boxing gloves in my car, a one year old, and husband. What does that have to do with my abilities? Nothing. It appears I already know English better than your employees. Sooooo…

Cancelled in 2020

My job
I was working at
for about 4 years
given the opportunity
to come back
I didn’t
they kept us in
the dark
another one that
pays more came along
I took it

My toxic relationship
with my ex supervisor
no we couldn’t be
professional
he asked me for pics
and I felt like he was
constantly trying to
manipulate and hang
me for not picking him

My gym membership
at that health club
I had for a year
they kept charging us
when they closed their doors
and I can’t help but
remember how rude
the desk people were
and that one old man that
basically singled me out
every MMA class I took

My routine
I got up early to
run or rollerblade
during the pandemic
I didn’t have the luxury
to do anything else in
the morning with
everyone sleeping

All those
opportunities
phone calls
emails
voicemails
unanswered
why?
they don’t fit
like the majority
of these masks
they make us wear

Sincerely, the critics

That’s not straight enough.
You missed a spot.
That’s a little dusty.
It smells over there.

Why don’t you get off your ass and do something? Oh, because you’re lazy and expect me too like I don’t literally take card of everything already.
You don’t have enough experience.

 
That’s cute but what does your written work qualify you for an actual job?
What does your experience mean? You can polish my shoes or sleep with all the men? Haha.
You’re pretty but well that’s it.

I’m overqualified to be managed by anyone. You need me a lot more than I need you. What I have nobody else does is, drive and energy. If you can’t see that, you can kiss my ass.

Honest interview

Tell me about yourself.
I’m a grownass woman. I’m married and have a one year old. I come from a history of shit jobs and have a college education. Oh, and I published some books you’ll never read on Amazon.

Why do you want to work for this company?
I don’t. I applied because you pay more per hour.

How much experience do you have in this field?
What you mean pushing buttons? Haha. It’s so easy my one year could do it.

Can you stand for a long period of time?
Have you even read my resume?

What makes you the ideal candidate for this job?
I don’t give a fuck.

Can you tell me more about your last job?
The owner didn’t want to pay me. The supervisor was trying to sleep with me. He knows I slept with a former supervisor and thought maybe I would. Haha. No.

Where do you see yourself within this company in 5 years?
I don’t. I don’t even want to work for you and have all these responsibilities dumped upon me.

Can you tell me about a time you went above and beyond?
For what? To get laid or paid? Lmao. Never. Nobody ever paid attention or gave two shits what I did.

Are you a team player?
Define what you mean. Are we playing a sport? Maybe. Are you trying to dump everyone’s shit on me? Fuck off.

How soon of a notice do you need if we were to hire you?
Soon enough so I can piss people off.

Honest cover letter

Dear whoever reads this,

I have no experience in any of the positions I’m applying for. Why on Earth would you pick me? I’m a good worker better than the vast majority that goes by doing the minimum, gossips, or sits on their ass all day.

‘But you have nothing but a writing and cleaning background.’ Yeah, so I got out of college and never found a writing or editing job in this area. ‘What about online?’ Believe me I looked and continue to do so. Do you know how many of them ask you for money to even see employment opportunities? Many. You don’t even find anything that’s not freelance. If I want to write freelance, I have a blog.

‘So why should I pick you among everyone else that has experience and better character than you?’ So don’t pick me, I don’t give a fuck. If I have to sell myself or change who I am, I’m not interested. And actually, I make as much; if not more chasing around bust bunnies all day.

Sincerely,
Don’t waste my time

Reported

his ass and his girlfriend
so they can all hate me
and not my sister
he’s a snake
she does nothing all day
but probably fuck him
in the service halls
who cares
I’m not there anymore

should they remember
I was there first and
with him
haha

reputation proceeds me
I’m sure
but remember I’m also
not the one that said
‘DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR KEYS?
I miss you?’
what about your girlfriend?
‘WHO CARES’
it never happened
it never will

but here we go,
I’ve stumbled upon
another man interested
in my personal life
giving off some vibes
it doesn’t end