Romantic lines in bed

Replace ‘romantic’ with ‘married’.

 

Him

Wanna get pregnant?

You like that?

You’re tighter, who are you sleeping with?

Open your legs.

Did ___ (an ex) do that?

Hurry up.

I’m about too…

I’ve gas.

I’m tired.

 

Her

Hahahaha I’m drunk.

Bite me.

Shut up.

Stop talking.

What’s his name

he’s tall
he’s jacked
he’s the only one
around here I had a
few conversations with
he knows my name
I don’t know his

maybe it’s
for the best
I know myself
too well
one thing will lead
to another
and that’s that
I have the tendency
not to get attached
but they do
I’m at my point in life
I don’t need that
it doesn’t mean
a thing

What things mean before & after you marry

“Pay attention to me”

Before
I want to cuddle/have sex.

After
You’re not listening. Shut up. Why don’t you give me a massage anymore? Let’s cuddle. Nevermind, I’m bored let’s have sex and fall asleep.

 

“I’m fine”

Before
I’m not telling you what’s wrong. I guess you’ll see.

After
You should know what the issue is. I’m quiet because I’m pissed. Anything to say or do after this point may or may not be held against you.

 

“I’m not happy in our relationship”

Before
I’m not convinced you’re the one for me and need reasons to stay.

After
You’re walking on thin ice, be careful.

 

“You have pretty eyes”

Before
I really think you do…

After
I want something.

 

“How much money do you have in your account?”

Before
I’d never ask you that.

After
I want you to make my car payment.

 

“How much did you spend on that?”

Before
It looks cheap/expensive.

After
You better not have spent too much. If you do, why aren’t you pitching more in for bills and stuff?

 

“I love you”

Before
Nothing, genuinely do.

After
I only say it when I want something.

 

“I’m sick of doing all the work”

Before
Probably actually referring to work.

After
Referring to work, relationship, house, and/or bed.

She is

that woman
once, twice
a million times
but not for you

Secretive
manipulative
has her own schedule
and way of doing things
none include you
but she lets you think
what you want
she’s aware she flirts
and teases him
she does it for fun

Why fight the enemy
when the enemy wants
to sleep with you
and has information
you may or may not use
it’s only a matter of time
before he blows shit
up himself and you watch

She doesn’t care
enough to bother
I mean, she has a man
does it stop her from
looking and thinking
about others? No,
it’s in her nature not
to be tied down
who she does actually
play with she has to like
at least a bit
and have
physical attraction
respect

What you mean respect?
she sounds like a whore
they say
she’s not but she can be
don’t shove her in a corner
and bore the shit
out of her

She loyal?
depends
what did you do?
why should she be?
She knows what she
wants this ain’t it

She loves
she’s not in love
she has no intent
in ever falling
in love again
she’s fast
she can’t fall

Crystal madness

It’s based on my life.

(Because I had my mind erased, work at a big magazine, have a hot husband in the military, travel all over the place, and met a witch and pirates! Haha. Not.)

Okay, not really. Not at all.

I took a short story from college and twist and spun it to see if I had a story with it and I did.

It’s probably completely different from the content or context you saw from. But that’s the point, why am I going to continue to constantly produce the same thing?

Okay… the guy sounds like some guys I dated or hooked up with the way he talks. A psychologist would probably ask me about that. Sure, he sounds like a dick sometimes (like my husband) but he’s there on the roller coaster with Madison the entire time.

I published a book

“Hippie Girl” is based on real events from my life. It’s fictionalized for legal and storytelling reasons.

‘Oh, you’re trying to cover you ass?’ Maybe. I mean, I still work at the place all the chaos and illegal shit went down. I recall asking a few people in the story of it was okay I’d use them such as my sister, husband, and mother. All the names have been changed too.

‘Why?’ To respect people’s privacy, legal reasons, and we don’t need the assholes to know I definitely wrote about them!

‘So then, what is it about?’ You have to read it to find out, haha. If you’ve been here awhile you have an idea. All my work together could create a version of this fucked up story.

But basically… this girl, Lila finds herself constantly in weird situations with guys. Her mother’s death definitely didn’t help any. It’s like she replaced one problem for another! Eventually, shit happens and she has to leave all of that behind.

‘Is Lila you?’ Yes and no. Yes, she goes through some shit I did. And no, that’s not my name and she’s a ‘fictional’ character.

‘What does your husband think?’ He wants to read it but I don’t think that’ll be a good idea. We talked about it’s context last night. He seemed to have forgot I had a threesome.

‘Why I didn’t publish it under my marital name?’ Well, for the fact I want to have my private life, private and I’m the only Sandra in this world I know of work that last name. I doubt I’ll ever be that big. But either way, I don’t want to be found! Whereas my maiden name, good luck! I also had this conversation with my mother before she passed and my husband before we married. My mother said, ’it’s your name, do what you want’.

‘What are you doing next?’ Honestly, I don’t know. If you want my honest opinion this story isn’t going to be successful. That’s okay, I knew that. It’s an odd story. Nobody knows who I am. It’s probably not that great. I didn’t even want to write it but it was a monkey on my back. Now the air is clear I can focus on things I actually want to write. It’s not about money. Nobody is paying me shit expect my employer!
 

Ways body changes after giving birth

Hair
3 months after I gave birth, I noticed a lot of my hair shedding. It’s annoying and disgusting at times. At I point I thought I could be thinning out until I googled ‘postpartum shedding’ turns out it has to deal with hormones, my hair holding onto strands when I was pregnant, and I’ll be dealing with this until the ‘hairs catch up’ until she’s about a year old. Fantastic. Well at least if I braid it or put it up it’s not that annoying.

Appetite
I remember the time I was pregnant and actually got hungry. If I didn’t eat, I’d be in an shitty mood and I won’t get anything done. And now, I don’t get hungry or feel that hunger anymore? I’ve only felt hungry a few times when it’s been hours since I ate. Maybe I’m too busy. Maybe food is the last thing on my mind. I’m not thinking about I should eat this because it’s good for the baby, I need to take my vitamins, I need more… that’s all gone. I’m not eating for two. I sometimes forget I’m eating for one.

Body
Yes, my skin looked a little stretched out after giving birth and it went back in a couple weeks. I’ve lost majority of my pregnancy weight the first week I gave birth. No surprise there, a lot of people do. But it too me a good 2-4 months after the fact to see my ‘pregnancy belly’ go away and lose the few pounds I only noticed on the scale to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. My boobs are completely gone. Hell, they’re smaller than what they were before I got pregnant. That wasn’t a goal in mind, just something that happened.
Would I do it again? Well, I did like the time off. I didn’t really enjoy being pregnant, giving birth, or dealing with a newborn. But she is happy and growing everyday… almost makes it worth me trying for a sibling? Maybe if I win the lottery.

of course

he’s on my mind
even if it’s been a year
since we spoke
and he ran from
everything

don’t tell him that
it’ll stroke his ego
he’s not the best
he’s the most
fucked up person
I’ve met
he looked good naked
and kept my head spinning

we were nothing more
then ‘friends with benefits’
employee-boss
but he stared in my eyes
I didn’t like and said
he loved me

I wondered why
but didn’t ask
I claimed I never said it back
might have slept out
that night in the back of my SUV
only he knows

What actually happened in labor and delivery

I called the hospital when I was at work because I kept leaking fluid. They told me to come in because it sounded like my water ruptured. I went in and got checked. I was dilated at a centimeter and half. Not even close to having full blown contractions. But they baby HAD to come out, nothing was keeping her safe inside me anymore. So they gave me some drug to speed up the process. Not even at 4 centimeters, I was crying and screaming in pain. Like full on. Worse than you’d see on any television shows. They couldn’t get me an epidural yet. When the epidural finally came, it took some people to get me to sit still.

Then my contractions didn’t hurt that much. So much to the point when I had to push, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I haven’t had a kid before. Some time in they discovered my pushing wasn’t effective because the epidural worked too well. Then they lessened it and all hell broke loose. Then came the crazy crying screaming lady — again. This time I was saying ‘lord Jesus Christ’ and ‘leave me the fuck alone’ at a catholic hospital! I’m lucky they didn’t kick me out in the street! The nurse kept making me move in weird positions and put a ball between my legs. At one point I was pulling a rope with my legs wide open.

2 hours and 17 minutes later at 7:59AM… she came. I was in labor all night. I went from having one nurse in the room to being surrounded by a bunch of people. I remember the doctor pulling her out by the head. She said ‘it’s a girl’. She was purple and had a cone shaped head. They brought her over to some bed thing to check her. She was crying the entire. The doctor said I needed four stitches. At that point I didn’t care. I was watching her and the doctors. Then they told me to push out the placenta. That was fast and painless. But I wondered why they waited to stitch me up first? It was sent over for cultures because I had a fever and tested positive for GBS at my 35 week appointment.

 
After…

You thought that was brutal? Nope the fun began after she was born. She had jaundice and we had to go to the doctor the day after went home then every week until it was near away. She was only born two weeks early and considered full term but apparently it was a huge ordeal where her body wasn’t mature enough to process her food. And then all the crying… and fights that broke out between her father and I.

I tried to breastfeed and pump. I had no production issues. I had engorgement issues — I had to pump every 2-3 hours. It became too much for me. I had digestive issues from something and so did she. Instead of playing Russian roulette to figure out what the hell it was, I stopped. I can tell you, I don’t miss constantly leaking everywhere or having enormous size tits that hurt and don’t fit in my bras!

My body, though. I lost 20+ lbs the first week after I gave birth. I only have stretch marks. It’s true you do bleed for a while after you give birth. I bled for about 7 weeks. I wasn’t back working out like I was before I was pregnant until 4 weeks postpartum. Probably only once in my life I listened to a doctors advice. He told me because my pelvis was so opened, I was more prone to infection and injury and shouldn’t go run a marathon or do anything crazy. When I did go back, I can tell you I could hardly do a sit-up. I didn’t realize how much pregnancy took from my back until I tried to lift my body up. And running? Haha. My boobs wouldn’t allow it. They hurt. Not period hurt. Hurt like someone was trying to pull them from my body. So I had to ease back in. In a few weeks I was back to myself… before.

And my doctor said I would start my period in a few weeks after my appointment last month. Here it is over a month later and nothing. I know some people it can take longer but help me god, I better not be pregnant again.

Married life is like

Man: I should get another girlfriend.
Woman: Do it. It will make divorce a lot easier.

She’s serious.

Man: Let’s do it.
Woman: Do what? That? I’m good. It’s not that great.

Man: It’s your fault it’s not great.
Woman: Yeah because I enjoy a big sweaty man on top of me crushing me.

Man: I’m tired. I’m going to bed early.
Woman: No you’re not. You’re going to play on your phone in the room for two hours. You don’t want to deal with the baby.

Man: I wished I stayed at work.
Woman: Me too.

Man: Don’t spend money, work with what you got.
Woman: …

She thinks yeah, right. I’ll go spend it and not tell you amongst other things.

Man: You’re paying child support.
Woman: Haha. You think the court would give you full custody? You’d have to find daycare and you can hardly handle her over an hour.

Man: You only want help from your family.
Woman: I don’t see my family, they live an hour away. And right, if I was divorced that’s where’d I go.

No offense. She doesn’t like your family but tolerated it. She never ‘seeked help’ from anyone she’s done it on her own — your family would be the last people she’d go too.