Coming out as straight

I’m sorry people on the internet and people for coming out as bisexual in college. I made bisexuality look like a phase because it was for me. Two seconds with a woman I was like ‘this is gross, never again!’ I don’t think it’d matter if I was in a threesome against my will, I’d still have the same reaction!

Vaginas leak fluid. Vaginas sweat and smell bad if you don’t wash them or wash them correctly! Some have more hair than others. If you’re into that, fine. I’m not. I’d rather have a penis that comes in different sizes and colors. Some have more hair on their ball sacks than others. So. Well you don’t have to worry about them leaking any other fluid besides cum in your mouth.

Too graphic? Oh well. I assume most of you are over 18 and can handle it.

I’ve made my point. I am a woman that likes men. I am ‘straight’ ignoring all the screws up in my head lose. Every time I had an affair it was random or some muscular guy with tanned skin and blue eyes. I have a thing for guys with nice arms. Everything else doesn’t really matter.

Oh and I got knocked up after a night drinking margaritas. The millionth time I took plan B it didn’t work. At least I know who the father is, my husband.

Worst sex experiences

I feel like I’ve talked about this in bits and pieces but haven’t covered it completely. And the fact I have no other ideas this was inspired by a podcast I listened and forgot about.

 

You’re a virgin, he’s a virgin
You don’t know what the fuck you’re supposed to do besides penis meets vagina.

So okay, yeah I just laid there and thought, ‘Is this going to hurt? Why doesn’t it hurt? Why is he so hairy? Do all guys have that much hair on their body?’ I wasn’t into it. It was something I wanted to get off my bucket list. I showed no emotion and he kept apologizing because he thought he was doing something wrong. After I was thinking, ‘Okay, may be better with someone else!’ My poor then boyfriend.

 

Period sex
I don’t care what you say, if you have a vagina you most likely tried it at least once! I’ll save all the bloody details and focus on the worst one.

In the shower. It should work right? You don’t bleed in water. Well, it doesn’t work if the guy is 2 feet taller than you and you try to go at it! Then you have to turn the water off to avoid slipping or breaking your neck. That didn’t work either. Then came the bed. I said ‘put a towel down’ he still got coated in shit and it bothered him and our attempts were over. Not all guys can handle it.

 

Drunk anal sex

Let’s just say I was highly intoxicated one night and agreed to try anal with my then boyfriend. I don’t remember how the hell the conversation went about. I just know the second he tried to force it in it hurt like a motherfucker and I screamed! That did not happen… or I think it didn’t anyway.

 

Slapping, choking, “suck my dick”
If you’re into bondage it’s one thing. But another thing if the person you’re sleeping with is not!

I find it to be a huge turnoff when a guy comes on to me sexually aggressive. I don’t like to be hit or choked any time, why would sex be different? It shouldn’t be. I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I did like it with someone else. So the problem was with whom and how hard he did it. And then demanding I suck his dick and chase me around shoving it in my face when I denied him up until I left!

 

Threesome
Some people like it, those that usually consent and plan for it!

I did not. I joked about it and found myself in an interesting fucked up situation. I’ve talked about it here numerous times before. Long story short, I wasn’t into vagina but my then whatever insisted I was to live out one of his fantasies. It was awkward as hell. I played along because I didn’t want to walk 2 hours home. No vagina did not taste good nor was anything I’d ever want to go near again. I didn’t enjoy being told to watch him fuck someone else. I threw a condom at him and told him to go fuck himself. Then he stopped with her and came after me. Forced me down to do it though I was clearly done.

 

One night stand with Small
I call him Small because he had a small penis he didn’t know how to use. Hell, my pinky was bigger and could have given me more pleasure. The day after he invited me over to his parents house for dinner… I met his mom on the second date! We hung out in the living room the entire time. There wasn’t a third…

 

Blowup doll face
There once was a guy I hooked up in random places a few times. One time was the woods. He laid on some wood chips and told me to ride him. My knees burnt and I was a dumbass that kept doing it. He had his mouth wide open the entire time…

“I have a vagina between my legs and a penis for a brain.”

Means…

I have a vagina.
A dirty mind.
A brain.
Anything goes…

Ideas.
Energy.
Art.
Guys/girls.

One a good day,
My dick is hard.
On a bad day,
My dick is soft.

I am what you think I am,
You don’t know me personally.
You can label me,
But, I’m a bitch — I don’t care.

I think what I want.
I love who I love.
I’m just living a life.
Trying to figure it all out.