Updated thoughts on social media

Twitter
Okay, it was booming more when I wrote about it 3 years ago. Now it’s really just a place for celebrities to listen to them to talk and have their obsessed fans and trolls watch.

Instagram
The place anyone or everyone would rather share a photo these days. Why? You don’t know all the people that will see it and you most likely don’t have to deal with unwanted acquittances or family members commenting on it — they have no idea how to use it!

Facebook
Still seems to be the place all your unwanted acquittances and family members hit up to see what you’re doing. Jokes on them, you hardly post anything on your profile! Doesn’t stop them from creeping.

Snapchat
Everyone loves the filters but not everyone uses it regularly. Why? It’s another service you’d have to put an effort in to gain followers or to follow people or things you’re interested in that you already follow in other places and see the same content.

Tik Tok
That’s new. Again another service you’d have to put some sort of effort in and not everyone or everything you’re interested in is on it.

Let’s pretend this is Twitter

In 140 characters or less babble nonsense…

 

-Dicks don’t solve problems, they create them.

-How many dumbasses does it take to screw a light bulb? None because they’re too stupid to figure it out!

-I wish I was drunk right now.

-Why are people so fucking stupid?

-Motherfuckers, stop emailing me! I’m not in college anymore!

-Thanks for the invitation, but you’re aware I don’t like you and still don’t give a fuck?

-I rather masturbate than have sex with you.

-I’m getting high off caffeine.

-My hair is yellow.

-Why does my butt look weird? I need to get my eyes checked.

-Two face lifts, plastic tits, and you’re still ugly? Go buy yourself a personality. Bitch.

-The point in life is to get drunk.

 

#Annoying #ExBoyfriend
999

Can I hang you? #DontTextMe #Whoareyou
ooo

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Facebook and Twitter Etiquette For Dummies

Facebook

 

Who to add…

People you actually know or met. There’s no problem adding ‘fans’ or ‘strangers’ if you know they aren’t some psychopath, criminal, or pervert — and you actually talked to them somewhere.

 

Try not to add…

Colleagues, professors, bosses, or co-workers. It is weird for them, and it is weird for you. If you do, do both of you a favor and don’t complain about work, life, or relationships. You have to be ‘professional’.

 

Avoid comments turning into a…

Private message or forum. Then everyone gets to know your business, thoughts, and feelings. That’s not something you want…

 

Status overload…

Selfies, rants, videos, or articles. Although some people like it, not everyone is going to. And yeah, yeah… there’s that whole ‘I don’t care if they like it or not’ — and right you shouldn’t!

…You’re entitled to your thoughts, feelings, and what you put out there. You don’t need to constantly share it with people who may be shallow or just not care.

 

 

Twitter

 

Follow…

Whoever you want.

 

Post…

Whatever you want. But if you’re posting twenty tweets every hour maybe you need to rethink…

 

Don’t post…

Whatever you want. You know you’re reaching more people then Facebook, right? If you start hate talking people, spreading conspiracies, and terror — the government will find you.

 

Telling people to follow you…

They will follow you. It’s okay, it’s fine for business — a lot of people have done it. However, there’s people that become OBSESSED with how many followers they get. It becomes a drug. It can turn a good person into a narcissistic, just like Facebook.

 

 

Facebook and Twitter…

 

This is just words from a persons experience. Everyone is different.

…How obsessed are you with getting likes, comments, tweets, and re-tweets?

What. Why.
Who cares? You shouldn’t care.
They don’t really care.
You know who cares…

Twitter vs. Facebook: Which one is better?

To go nuts: (if you’re not a celebrity)
Twitter.

You know few — if any of your followers in real life. You can rant all you want. But if you’re an asshole, you should probably keep your mouth shut…

 

Indulge in your social media habit: (without family/friends/acquaintances looking over your shoulder)
Twitter.

 

Share things with people you actually know/knew:
Facebook.

 

Be less clustered with ideas:
Facebook.

‘Unfollowing’ from news-feed makes it easy.

 

BOTH websites are great: they allow you to share things that no one really cares about.

 

Which one is better?

Your preference — I mean, poison.

My Approach

If I want to say something stupid, I’ll say something stupid. If I want to bitch, I’ll bitch. If I want to be insightful, I’ll be insightful. If I want to be creative, I’ll be creative. Etc.

 

I don’t know who is watching or reading the stuff I put up. (I’m grateful for those that do.) I know WordPress isn’t my employer. If WordPress was, I would be fucked. I would have to constantly watch my language and content I put up. If that happened, I would be gone — that’s what I do in college.

 

Now let’s imagine if I had to watch everything I said on WordPress for a second…

 

How would I react?

 
I wouldn’t say anything…

 
Nobody goes on WordPress to repress. If that were the case, it’d be called WordRepress.

An idiots guide to taking a Selfie

With these simple five steps, you can look absolutely stunning on your social media profile:

 

1. Find a camera. Digital. Cell Phone. It doesn’t matter.

 

2. Go in your bathroom.

 

3. Face the camera towards your face. Make sure you zoom in on your face. Nobody wants to see beneath your neck.

 

4. Stare into the camera. You want to look like a deer staring into the headlights. It’s the best way to draw attention. You want people to know you’re crazy before they add you.

 

5. If you have a double chin, take it at a different angle. If the picture still looks bad, you can always apply lots of makeup or use Photoshop.

Trick people into thinking you have a life.

1. Take pictures of you with your siblings. Don’t tag them. Have people think you have friends in real life.

 
2. Go to the beach… Or that lake down the street. Take a picture of it. Write a caption: “Just cruising by on my motorcycle,” or “It’s nice to sit and relax after a long day in the office.”

 
3. Status updates. Everyday. Let us know what you do. Gym, club, concert, bar, hiking, running, skateboarding, etc. It doesn’t matter. Just tell us something interesting. Maybe, just maybe we will be inspired by your “awesomeness” or dream of having your life.

 
4. Arguments. Anything, everything. It doesn’t matter. Make sure to make your friend look like a total idiot and you a genius. Why? Because if you win, you are more awesome? Isn’t it how it goes? Yes, no? No, yes? … Eh you don’t care. You’re almost halfway to the place you want to be.

 
5. Post old pictures of you and your hot ex-girlfriend. They assume you are still together and everything is going right. Why else would you post those pictures from you two years ago on your profile? For your health? Nah. You are happy, awesome, and an “amazing boyfriend” and want everyone to know it.

 
6. Avoid using social media for a week. The less you appear to be online, the more likely you are elsewhere — on a yacht, getting drunk, having sex with hot girls, and living the life?

 
7. Add a bunch of people you don’t know. Small-circle? Big-circle of people you actually know? Nah. Why not add everyone on social media that looks like they have a good job at some modeling agency, factory, law firm or business? You look much more awesome being surrounded by successful people.

 
8. Get a twitter. Pay for followers. Make a cool description of yourself. You’re an artist, model, and talent agent in Hollywood — or at least you can pretend to be. Now go follow successful people and hope they follow you. You’ll look cool.

 
9. Don’t respond to any messages. If the question comes up why you didn’t respond, say you were at a business meeting with your partner.

 
10. Last and not least, DON’T TELL THE TRUTH. You don’t want everyone to know that you are unemployed, lazy, fat, and haven’t shaved your face in six weeks.

 

 

— I don’t recommend doing any of these things. This is based off things I seen and heard from people I know. Just think, what do you want people in your circle to see? Don’t lie. Tell the truth. Be you.