Curious questions


What do you do?

What do you mean? I don’t sit around and write poetry and manuscripts. I have a real job and I’m a mother. 

Why don’t your parents watch your daughter?

My parents are dead. When my father was alive he wouldn’t, he was gambling and wandering streets. I only saw him a few times a year. 

Do you have other family? 

Five siblings spread all over the place. I know what you’re going to ask me and the answer is no. It’s next to impossible for them to see my daughter and even me. 

What happened to your parents?

Is this an interrogation about my family or you’re trying to stick your nose in places it doesn’t belong? My mother died of cancer in 2017. My father was hit and killed by a car the day before Thanksgiving in 2020. 

We didn’t know you were applying to be a cop. Why? It doesn’t seem like you. 

Do you know me? No. I’m bored with my life and I found an opportunity and applied. Also, maybe it has to do with my mother. She was a security guard and I thought she was a cop when I was little because she chased some bad guy and got him arrested. 

Blah blah blah blah blah. Why? How? 

What? I wasn’t paying attention. I strongly suggest you back the fuck off. You don’t know me or what I’m capable of. 

Stories type app games rant

It’s our escape from all the shit online in and real life. Why the hell do we need to buy gems or passes for choices? For a stupid outfit or hair, really? And all the featured stories are lame or boring. Then we read COMMUNITY stories written by different people instead and we’re expected to PAY gems every TWO chapters. It wasn’t like that before. If you’re trying to rank stories try having a stars or thumbs up option. And the authors gets gems or money for every positive hit. It’s ridiculous. What was a fun game is no more. No wonder why you’re losing people.

‘You’re calm and not a weirdo’

she said staring at my blonde hair. I can say I’ve never heard those two words in the same sentence at a job interview in my life, ever.

I’m thinking, you think I’m calm? Yes. I’m in public and at an interview, of course I am. I’m only batshit crazy at night when my husband pisses me off. It’s honestly not hard to piss me off, I’m an expert at hiding it and either walking out or exploding if it’s serious. But let’s not talk about it.

I’m in my early thirties, by now I know how to carry myself and read people. It’s not rocket science. I am weird. I don’t pretend but I also don’t go around batshit either. I’m up before sunrise and go to the gym or run. I only drink iced coffee. I have a Bachelors degree and nothing but shitty jobs to show for it. Let’s not talk about the stories I self-published, my past, or family. And especially not anything that goes on in my head…

Always the one

aware of my surroundings
know whose watching
and doesn’t care

I’ll come in
and leave on my clock
why the hell do I have
to wait for everyone else?
I don’t

I’m nothing special
but I’m also not one
you can play or fool
all are imaginary strings
that don’t exist

so you’re right
I won’t last long
I’m not a puppet
I am the one pulling
the strings you think exist
you expect me to
kiss your ass
and worship the ground
you walk on? not going
to happen

I may still have
no clear direction
where I’m going
but I know this
1. Fuck you.
2. I’m not a servant.
3. There’s a million other things I could be doing.

Honest Article

Here’s pictures of random shit anyone can find on the internet: ____

I got this idea by staring at my ceiling. Really. I have two dream catchers hanging in my room.

I going to word vomit the obvious because you’re talking about paying me for my work.

I don’t know nothing more about this topic. I would love to leave you some pictures and links and you can look at it yourself. Who reads literary magazines anyway?

I don’t but I’m thinking about creating one. Haha. I’m a dumbass but I love being in control – of my fucking life and work. It’s no wonder I left my last job. I’m not a ‘yes man’.

I’m probably not going to be your intern either. More like, I’ll be looking for interns in the future if I expand. I have my own website. Why do I need to write shit on some man’s website? Because he MIGHT pay me. Haha. Next.

The best note I ever left

‘I should not under any circumstances deal with passive aggressiveness every time there’s an issue with my daughter… not a coincidence when something happens and the next day, another petty thing.’ I left the damn keys in the closet with my uniform shirts and left without a word. Few hours later she asked me when I’m returning from lunch. I didn’t respond.

My best attempt at still trying to be ‘professional’ and straight to the point before I walked away.

What I really meant? Haha, prepare yourself.

The review I read about having to be a “yes man” to work there is true. I’ve been biting my tongue and fighting my urge to fucking leave for six months now. I do my job so fast and well you’re busy looking for stupid shit because you’re bored. Cobwebs? A little dust in a corner? A tiny mark on the toilet seat? Really!? You know the only people that find those things are looking for it or OCD!

Anyway, your problem with me is I didn’t “Hello” or “Good morning” most of the time. Why the hell would I go out of my way to talk to you? I don’t give a shit if you’re my ‘supervisor’. It should be nice when I do it but not expected all the time. Then, well my daughter is sick. Not Covid. Not something I made up to call off of work. You had kids you should know how that is. It’s not like I called off to get out of working. If you didn’t believe me you could have requested a doctors note. Did you? No. Instead you’re all blah blah blah you’re ‘too fast’ and I want you to do more boring detail work.

‘And also the fire extinguishers…’ listen you dumb bitch I’ve told you months ago what was going on with them. And I’ve also been doing the same shit the past six months. Now it’s an issue because I called off for my daughter!? Really? REALLY!?!?!?!? Someone was on a power trip AGAIN because something didn’t go her way. And I’m permanently done being some fucking servant for slow boringass people.

“We married our first love,”

said some broad from a 90s show I heard but didn’t watch. She also said that’s why they were divorced or not happy. Then I can’t help but think of my first love.

To be honest, I don’t even know. I’ve been in and out of love numerous times in my life. So it makes me wonder, what is the legit feeling? The feeling of being ‘in love’ fades whether you’re with someone for six months or years.

I think back to when I was seventeen and ‘in love’ with this guy from Argentina. I talked to him for years and he helped me get over my middle school crush I blamed for my eating disorder back then. ‘He liked a model and it wasn’t me, I’m blahblahblah’ teenager garbage. Long story short I eventually met him and my mother sent my big brother to kick his ass. She was pissed I met someone off the internet. We still snuck around and talked. We were going to runaway to NYC and get married. My dream was to be a model (HAHA) and he wanted to be director. He asked me to marry him and even started working on my ring.

I’m not sure what happened next but I guess, I developed a crush on a college boy and he was history. Then I had one relationship after another, sometimes with multiple people, and told him about it. So, we still talked only as friends and occasionally do to this day.

Now I’m married and have an one and half year old. He’s still single but I guess he’s happy in whatever country he’s in doing photography. My dream is and always been writing and editing. It’s crazy to think it’s been fourteen years.

Year of 2020

Publish a few things
no one reads
shutdown everything
for almost 6 months
laid off
make everyone wear
masks and ‘social distance’
start new job
be forced to sanitize
until my hands are dry
get a new car
hardly leaves the house
besides kickboxing and work
father gets struck and killed
by a car
get covid from in-law
watch my husband whine
and not take care of the kid
have a hard time getting
back to work
because they don’t understand
you can test positive up
to 3 months
meanwhile everyone else can
get back to a story no one
will probably read
look for a new job
them expecting I can do
a virtual interview with
a baby in the background

My year has been great
the painting of my mother’s
obituary picture holding
my daughter
I received on Christmas
was the cherry on top
as if I need to be
reminded of shit
this year has done it
I quit

You know what kills people too?
Cars and cancer
but no one is talking about it
this year
yes, people are dying
that is real
I had a mild case of covid
a little cough and stuffy nose
and I survived
if I was older, who knows

Alright

I see how it is
curiosity killed the cat
that’s okay I probably
wouldn’t have taken it
I’m probably going
somewhere else in 2021

You know
you don’t know someone
based on their cover
you’re lucky to have
parents alive
I don’t
guess what?
It’s a reality you’ll
have to face someday
I just faced it sooner

I’m not an alien
I’m ahead of all
of you

Pandemic?
Guess what?
I wear a mask
everywhere
wash my hands
sanitize
and I still got
COVID!
I only visit
stores twice a month
maybe
and never eat out!

Why?
Well someone was
sick and selfish
put him seeing my
daughter over
everyone’s welfare

Older people care?
Please, they’re just
as ignorant!

So I’m supposed
to sit here and watch
you idiots?
Nope

You can either
live in fear
or accept reality

Him vs I with COVID

Disclaimer: Not meant to be ‘sexist’ but spoken how it was.

Him
Gets every symptom in the book.

Me
A minor cough and stuffy nose.

Him
Spends all day and night in bed.

Me
Takes care of the the baby 24/7.

Him
Starts vomiting and gets himself admitted to a hospital for dehydration.

Me
Continues to take care of the baby 24/7.

Him
Comes home and continues to sleep whenever he wants.

Me
Still hasn’t slept a full night since the day before Thanksgiving when my father was struck and killed by a car.

Him
Has a serious attitude problem probably from being under ‘house arrest’ and takes it out on me.

Me
Continues to take care of the baby. Has a headache. Still can’t sleep. Now I understand why some people get divorced after quarantine.

…Must be nice to get sleep whenever the hell you want and make your wife do everything because you can’t handle it (even before and you wonder why your daughter never cries for you). If I was that sick I’d still have to take care of her. Sorry but so many of you are dense and take people for granted. Or you’re fucking clueless with your health or actions and infect everyone around you. So, yeah I’m seriously considering never going back to a physical job if I have a choice.