What happened to the ‘Agent of Douche’

Nothing happened. Last time I saw him he was outside in camouflage doing something. I don’t know what or with who. It looked like he was by himself. That was probably three or four years ago when I was in college. I had to drive by his house because there wasn’t a better route. He looked very much alone like I knew he was. He didn’t have kids. He drove whatever female he had in his life out. He didn’t talk to his parents or siblings in the time we were together. He was an asshole to me and had a small pencil dick. That’s all I remember besides the ATV, dirt bike, motorcycle, hot tub, bonfires, and drinking. We had some fun but it wasn’t enough. He said I was stupid and an idiot. He said he wanted a housewife and it wasn’t me. I had no interest in ever being a housewife.

I wanted to do something with my life and not wait for some asshole man that’s fucking around. He had numerous online dating profiles. Once I haven’t seen him in a week and he smelled of sex. It definitely wasn’t me. I wanted to love him. I wanted him to change. But he didn’t. I looked at it like hey, I’m single too. I can go talk to other people, he is — and I did. That’s how I met my future husband. I went back to college and graduated. The very last time our eyes ever met was on the lake when he was patrolling. He asked me what I was doing there and I said I lived over there and pointed to a building. I was going back to school but not because of him. I went for myself.

And now, I’m an hour away from all that chaos. He’s probably still alone. Though I had very little faith he’d get the stick out of his ass and stop hating everyone and everything.

Walk Away

I could say hello but I’m not interested in small talk
seeing your number makes me want to vomit
seeing your face makes me want to bash it in a million pieces

 

I could explain why I stopped talking to you out of the blue
but I refuse to be interrogated for something I didn’t do

 

I could rant on and on about the things you said and did
that no other man, a stable respectful man would do
you want to say it’s part of your culture or religion
if that were true, you give your people a bad name

 

You don’t listen or take a clue

 

I told you numerous times
you and I would never work out
I don’t like high heels
I don’t want your hands around my neck
I don’t appreciate the comments about
you having a threesome with my younger sister and I

 

I would never convert to Islam
or make an effort to learn your language
you forced high heels on my feet like I was
Cinderella and you were Prince Charming
(yeah, right)
you choked me and slapped my face
you showed me a knife and made a joke
about taking my life
I saw less and less of you
you began to stalk my younger sister and
her friends on Facebook
I told you that was the last straw

 

I told you I didn’t like you as much as you liked me
you proceeded to ask me out
I walked away without answering your requests to see you again
or answering your question, “Do you have someone else?”
I responded, “None of your business.”

Useless, disappointing.

I try every day to talk

you got nothing to say

If I express anything

I think or feel

you don’t listen

 

Try to kiss your face

you grab your hand

and push me away

 

I can’t hug you

I can’t kiss you

I can’t tell you this bothers me

you never listen

you never care

 

Week by week

I cry laying in the bed

next to you

you move my body

towards yours to see

if I’m crying

yet you never ask me why

 

You continue to ignore me

 

That isn’t the worse thing

being around you

 

It is the fact

I can’t talk to anyone

about this

I have to put on a face

and pretend everything

is alright

 

I know they don’t like you

I know they don’t understand

why I’m with you

I’m nothing like you

I am just trying to fix

something I can’t fix

 

I’m not happy

so here comes

the breaking point

Yet again

I’ll pretend

I’m not drowning

 

It’s ashame I don’t care

enough about myself

to say this is useless

and disappointing

 

I am sure there

will come

a day