I survived covid

so, I must be an alien. Sure, that’ll be what they’ll be saying by 2025. An alien visited me years ago. It was about 4 feet tall had gray skin, and creepy black eyes. I was sleeping the damn creature was watching me right next to my bed. I threw my pillow at the creature and yelled, “Leave.” It disappeared. Had it done anything to me in my sleep? I don’t know. The crazy’s out there believe they may have microchipped me or did some operation on me. That’s why I survived, they alerted something in my DNA. A theory like that isn’t far behind. We went to believe magic and crazy shit happens. But, it’s not that. I’m generally healthy and have okay DNA despite being a ‘mutt’. My mother got cancer from her work environment. My father smoked and walked a lot up to his 70s, he was struck and killed by a kid that can’t drive. I’m okay or I think I am. I’m in my early 30s. I look around and see absolutely nothing. There’s not much left of the world my daughter is supposed to evolve in. All I see is loss. Loss of jobs, economy, opportunities, connections, etc. More things are remote. Funny because I can’t find a remote job despite having all this experience and the ability to out-type anyone. Why? They can be selective. Even if you’re qualified, you’re not. So maybe I am an alien. Why don’t they send a spaceship for me? They have no interest in infected Earth.

Boss concerns

The place is trashed
So there’s several other employees, tell them not to be slobs.

No one is sanitizing shit
So it shouldn’t have been my sole responsibility to do all of it. Whose to say I didn’t catch it from work?

Who will do your job?
No one who cares let shit fly everywhere. No different than what you people do on the weekends.

It’s been almost 3 weeks
Nothing has been done. Again, not my problem. Contact the state and county. They put a one year in almost one month quarantine (and no I don’t extended pay).

Are you still positive?
Listen. You can be positive for up to 3 months it doesn’t mean you’re infectious. You stop being infectious after 10 days or 72 hours your symptoms go away. Don’t believe me? Contact the CDC.

Did you get another test?
I can however, but like I said it doesn’t mean it’ll be negative. And guess what? I can return to work with a doctors note if it isn’t. My husband is. You don’t like it? Pay me to stay for weeks or months until I get another job.

What are you saying?
You all are afraid of a virus you know nothing about. Hell, we don’t even know if what they say is true. But I still live in America and I’m not required to do shit. Especially if it’s not written in a law.

How are you doing? When are you returning?
I’m good. I’m healthy. I’m hoping never. This entire time you’ve been hounding me about my test and other people in my household to get tested. Yeah, no I’m not testing my one year old. There’s no law stating I have too upon returning and I shouldn’t. It’s apparent you people only care that you have to get off your ass and do something. I’ve done everything and I was forced out because other people.

Reminds me why I’m socially distant from the start.

Cars kill people too

They don’t take away cars
just saying

I’m not going to sit here
and pretend I was close to
my father that ship has sailed
20 years ago
but he didn’t deserve it
nobody deserves to be
hit and killed by car
when they’re crossing
the street
it happens no one
even thinks about it
myself included

People take things
for granted like my father
took my mother
he was a serious gambler
did he pay his dues?
I don’t know
I know he called me
multiple times over the years
even when I was
teenager and refused to answer
only to ask me how I was
and tell me he loved me
I didn’t really reciprocate
why? well
try explaining
to your 11 year old
gambling was more important
than anything in else
in your life
he never even mentioned it

I don’t know why
I can’t help but think
maybe he knew my little sister
wasn’t actually his daughter
another ground for their spilt?
neither one of them was
monogamous and they both
carry that secret in their grave

My older siblings will dismiss
everything I say when he was
nothing but their angry step-father
there’s hard DNA evidence she is not his
hell, explain why my other sister
and I are Jewish and she is not?
Because she has a different father
my father was at least 50%

This situation
has me back at square one
where was he in my life?
gambling
how I wished he was a father
but he wasn’t
I had to deal with the narcissist
pretending to be
he ditched our family after my
mother’s death in a text
the day after I gave birth to my daughter
my father actually showed up
I don’t know how
but he did
he held her
he’s asked me questions about her
he’s even sent me cards every year
on my birthday every year after
they split
the last time I talked to him
was the day after my birthday
he was excited to see Ava
thanksgiving
that was cancelled by coronavirus
thank you
fuck you government
and officially
cancelled thanksgiving eve
forever
because someone can’t
pay attention when they’re driving

Atypical

white rich man
dresses in suits
drives some expensive
sport car that sucks
in the snow
has Trump stickers,
hats, signs, etc
all over his office
to vote for him
because you don’t
like or trust the other candidate
is one thing but to actually
full on support and like him
is another… in my opinion

I’m forced to go in
each morning
and collect his trash
I can tell he never
brings anything,
always orders
I did too, when I worked
at a mall with disgusting food
who am I to judge
no one

Exactly my point
you’re old enough
to be my father
I don’t want any
stupid flowers or
awkward conversations
and interactions with you
cut the chase
no, I’m not going there
with you
I’d sleep with the man
moving all shit around
before you
and he doesn’t even
have a car

What’s his name

he’s tall
he’s jacked
he’s the only one
around here I had a
few conversations with
he knows my name
I don’t know his

maybe it’s
for the best
I know myself
too well
one thing will lead
to another
and that’s that
I have the tendency
not to get attached
but they do
I’m at my point in life
I don’t need that
it doesn’t mean
a thing

When gyms were closed

I realized they need you a lot more than you need them. Why? You’re their source of income.

I ran, I rollerbladed, hell I’ve even done pushups, situps, core, and kickboxing all on my own. Sometimes I followed a recorded playback but still, I was perfectly capable of instructing myself. And I did, alongside millions of others.

‘But live classes, live classes’ Yeah, that’s perfect for people that LIVE ALONE, don’t have neighbors, a house full of people on different schedules, or a crying get into everything BABY in the background. People will accept that as a new norm but I never will. Because it’s not normal. To tell you the truth, I feel odd about having anyone watch me through the other end on camera in my home. That’s why I shot down a ‘internet model’ job. I value my privacy. If I take a video in my room or house myself, a different story.

So what is? Following the beat to your drum. If that’s you, go for it. You do you, I do me. It’s not personal, it’s called not everyone needs someone to guide them. It’s not everyone has the luxury of doing things whenever the hell they want. It’s highly unrealistic like the virtual world.

Reported

his ass and his girlfriend
so they can all hate me
and not my sister
he’s a snake
she does nothing all day
but probably fuck him
in the service halls
who cares
I’m not there anymore

should they remember
I was there first and
with him
haha

reputation proceeds me
I’m sure
but remember I’m also
not the one that said
‘DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR KEYS?
I miss you?’
what about your girlfriend?
‘WHO CARES’
it never happened
it never will

but here we go,
I’ve stumbled upon
another man interested
in my personal life
giving off some vibes
it doesn’t end

Not

your
mother you’re adults
you can pick up
your shit

If you’re going to
be petty I can
return the favor
but I’m too busy
working

No
I’m not in my 20s
yes I look young
and you look old
I’m 30
what is your name
again?
doesn’t matter

No
I’m not sleeping
with the owner
because he’s ‘nice’
to me
isn’t he like that
to everyone?
yes he does pay me
thanks for stating
the obvious
not

Even if I’ve done
my things in the past
ah, no
maybe you’re bored
with your life
and not selling
enough shit

Matter is

she doesn’t have
any drama
she’s sick of
the shitshow
on the internet

she’s stable
but sometimes
fucked up
when her brain
thinks about him again

‘oh, why didn’t I runaway
when I had the chance?’
because she’s an idiot
she chose ‘stability’
over ‘being in love’
other words
she’s settled
do you blame her?
who wants to be on
the run with a criminal?

‘but other people…’
believe me she knows
none of them
she had such intensity
and an connection with

now her days are
waiting for shit to pass
and being a mother
sometimes she wonders
if the father is the father
and her hair is long
and full of secrets

She doesn’t want to talk
about herself
but this is her being
‘accountable’ again
to tell you she’ll be back
when she feels like it

The past

doesn’t define us
but helps us better
understand the present
and future
so, people
said or did a lot
of shit they shouldn’t
have been doing
(who hasn’t?)
they shouldn’t be hung
for it but at the same
time, they need to be
accountable and should
have taken into
consideration
hey, this might bite
me in the ass someday
and make me lose things
I’ve worked hard for

that’s why your mother
told you to
“think before you speak”

“I’m…”
“But I was…”
“I wasn’t…”
the world is done
with your excuses
look at everything
going on in the world
nobody gives a fuck
about ‘oh, poor you’
especially when you’re
an adult and have all
this money
while a lot of us
are actually struggling

It’s time to wake up
nobody cares to listen
to your narcissistic bullshit
so go back to flaunting
what you have
crying online
and posting pictures
see how many people
click ‘mute‘
(you won’t know)
or unfollow your ass