Things to do before I’m 30.

My sister requested I make this list. (And put lesbian number 3.)

1. Get a real job.
2. Move down south.
3. Be a lesbian. (I’m gay? Is it because I said I would be open to trying things with a woman?)
4. Make a porno.
5. Jump off an airplane.
6. Have sex on a beach.
7. Paint on a building. Hope it’s legal.
8. Tan outside naked.
9. Smoke pot at parties.
10. Get drunk off moonshine. That shit is good.
11. Turn my collection of sunglasses into artwork.
12. Have a threesome. One guy, two girls.
13. Write a song.
14. Get drunk and sing karaoke/dance on stage.
15. Make a YouTube video of me drunk.
16. Go in public with a bunch of paint on my face.
17. Tell a random person on the street to fuck off.
18. Have sex with an older rich guy.
19. Travel places.
20. Light stupid objects on fire.

… Pray to god I strike rich or marry money. Pray to god if I do marry by then, it’s not some asshole — and there are no kids.