Footage of an ‘Aquarius moon’ experiencing emotions

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I don’t feel anything. I’m emotionally numb and retarded. The only emotions I know are lust, desire, passion, and anger. I only feel lust, desire, and passion in bed. After I do it there’s nothing there. I’m empty. Someone pisses me off, I turn in 2 seconds to a raging asshole. Do I yell? Not unless I’m married to you. Strangers, acquittances, and co-workers I can forget about just as fast as they pissed me off. But if, I don’t I have some history, relationship, or interest in you — it’s different. I stay mad longer. Sometimes I don’t realize I’m mad until I’m alone in my head. Do anything about it? I try. But sometimes, the physical and creative work I do isn’t enough. So I get drunk and high a bit. It does nothing but get me out of myself. Do I have a problem? No. I don’t think drinking a few times a month or smoking weed once a blue moon means you have a problem. It’s a problem when you use them as a crutch. I don’t. I wish I could but that’s not me. I have a daughter now. I would never put her or myself in that position. I don’t even do those things when she’s around. I don’t judge people but they judge me. I don’t care enough about people in general to care what they’re doing.

Not myself

you’ll never hear me
say, “I’m super depressed”
unless I actually am
I said to him
but “Why?”
because I am

One of those days
I don’t see the point
in anything
’we all live and die’
I’m defeated over this job
over writing
why bother?
always want what
I can’t have

I’d rather be
alone or far away from
everyone and everything

We’re not the same

I’m blonde, she’s brunette
I’m tan, she’s white as a vampire
I like to go outside, she does not
I have green eyes, she has brown eyes
I’m 5’4, she’s 5’3
I’m 26, she’s 22
I’m a Scorpio, she’s a Pisces
I have tattoos, she does not

We have the same mother and father
I was older when they separated
We have the same job
and we’re from the same town
We have our nose pierced
mine is on the left
hers is on the right
I have a star shaped stud in
she took her circle stud out

I have a Bachelors degree in Creative Writing
she doesn’t plan to get a Bachelors in anything
We have Associate degrees
It took me longer to get it and I’ve gone to a different school
My AA was concentrated in Humanities
hers was concentrated in Social Science
I finished my entire AA online and got on Deans list numerous times
she did not

She had the same boyfriend since high school
I did not
I didn’t really have a boyfriend in high school
or friends for that matter

I’ve been with more people and had a far more questionable
love life
she’s been stable and committed in her relationship
they just got a house together

I’ve travelled to more places than she has
she choose not too
I’ve had more drunk experiences
she hasn’t really drank that much
I don’t drink much anymore
she still doesn’t either

She is vegan
I am not
I don’t most meat, however;
because I do not and have not really ever liked it

I am spiritual
I believe in Astrology, Paranormal, and Past lives
she does not
she has less faith
and interest in those things

I like History, especially Ancient and Philosophy
she doesn’t
I couldn’t tell you what she likes
the last thing I remembered is her making videos
with anime characters on Sony Vegas
or knitting something with my mother

I couldn’t tell you what songs she likes
all I know it is nothing I really listen too
and she most likely thinks and feels the same thing
about me

I joke about everything
she tends to be more serious
she doesn’t appreciate my jokes
and I continue to make them anyway
she is my sister and should understand
more so than the people who think
we are the same