Atypical

white rich man
dresses in suits
drives some expensive
sport car that sucks
in the snow
has Trump stickers,
hats, signs, etc
all over his office
to vote for him
because you don’t
like or trust the other candidate
is one thing but to actually
full on support and like him
is another… in my opinion

I’m forced to go in
each morning
and collect his trash
I can tell he never
brings anything,
always orders
I did too, when I worked
at a mall with disgusting food
who am I to judge
no one

Exactly my point
you’re old enough
to be my father
I don’t want any
stupid flowers or
awkward conversations
and interactions with you
cut the chase
no, I’m not going there
with you
I’d sleep with the man
moving all shit around
before you
and he doesn’t even
have a car

Odd fellow

What did you have for lunch? Pumpkin donuts. Yeah, real healthy I’m aware. I’m too lazy and careless to bother with anything else.

Are you on Facebook? I have one but I don’t use it. I’m only tagged in videos and pictures of my daughter. Who seriously asks that these days? Are you gonna friend request me? Haha.

How long have you been married? It’d be three years in October… Why?

How long have you been together? It’d be nine years in October. Why? Is it because I look young? We met in our early 20s, we’re 30. No we didn’t stay together the entire time, we went through on and offs and ups and downs.

What’s his name? What is this the third degree? Are you the police going to investigate him? Or just nosey?

What does he do for a living? He’s an accountant. More like a puppet that hits buttons on a computer all day. Exact opposite of anything and everything I do.

Has he met the owner? No. Why the hell?

Creeper

How do I tell if someone is just being friendly or something else I can’t another word for besides ‘weird’?

“Hi, how are you?” Okay, so that’s what everyone says. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“What are you doing this weekend?” Nothing spectacular. Only a conversation starter.

“What about this weather?” Yeah, it’s hot out. “I can stand heat, not the cold.” Now I’m getting bored… any reason to talk to me, right? I might be blonde but I’m not stupid.

“Hi…” looks up and down at you.

Maybe it’s my imagination. Wait, why is he watching me? How did he know I went upstairs. Is he following me or watching me on camera? Probably.

Am I in trouble? No. Do I have a creeper on my back? Yes. Let me think… nope.

I don’t do games with men. I played games with men that didn’t follow me around and upfront told me what they wanted. I mean I like some older men but not old enough to be my father, c’mon.

Coming out as straight

I’m sorry people on the internet and people for coming out as bisexual in college. I made bisexuality look like a phase because it was for me. Two seconds with a woman I was like ‘this is gross, never again!’ I don’t think it’d matter if I was in a threesome against my will, I’d still have the same reaction!

Vaginas leak fluid. Vaginas sweat and smell bad if you don’t wash them or wash them correctly! Some have more hair than others. If you’re into that, fine. I’m not. I’d rather have a penis that comes in different sizes and colors. Some have more hair on their ball sacks than others. So. Well you don’t have to worry about them leaking any other fluid besides cum in your mouth.

Too graphic? Oh well. I assume most of you are over 18 and can handle it.

I’ve made my point. I am a woman that likes men. I am ‘straight’ ignoring all the screws up in my head lose. Every time I had an affair it was random or some muscular guy with tanned skin and blue eyes. I have a thing for guys with nice arms. Everything else doesn’t really matter.

Oh and I got knocked up after a night drinking margaritas. The millionth time I took plan B it didn’t work. At least I know who the father is, my husband.

Bad online dating experience

I was 21 years old, he was 24-26. He asked me to meet him at a bowling alley with him and his friends because he wanted to be in a ‘group setting’. I thought it was really because he was afraid I would stand him up, he tried to meet with me before and I refused. I figured, why not meet him? I was single and he was cute.

 

So… I meet him inside the bowling alley and he looks like his picture, expect one thing. His profile said he was 5’6 but he was really like 5’1. I am 5’4, so that’s definitely shorter than me and what I look for in a guy.

 

I sit down with him and his friends, he sits close to me and I feel uncomfortable like he’s in my personal space. I look around the bowling alley and see some losers I went to high school with. We talk a bit, he asks me what I do and I ask him the same. I say something about school (I don’t remember if I was working or not at the time) and he says how he didn’t do college, doesn’t have a job, and does ‘underground tattoos’. My cell phone goes off, I look at it and don’t respond. He asks me who I’m texting and goes off to smoke with his friends.

 

I don’t date smokers (I don’t smoke and I’ve been around smokers my whole life, it doesn’t appeal to me.)… his profile said he wasn’t a smoker so he also lied to me about that too.

 

He comes back again and sits even closer to me. Again, he asks me who texted me. I say a friend though it actually isn’t a friend. It was my going to be my boyfriend (and future ex). I call it a night and tell him I have to go home or my mother will freak out. (It wasn’t true.)

 

I decided he was oddly possessive, a liar, and too short for my liking. Had he told me the truth about him from the beginning, I could have looked over his height.

Weird survey

Do you eat plastic?
No but I chew on it.

 

What is your political party?
Other.

Please specify: I don’t care.

 

What is your sexual orientation?
Other.

Please specify: Whoever I like.

 

Where do you think the country is headed?
Hell.

 

Do you own a raccoon?
No but have you seen my makeup after a wild night?

 

Do you eat tires?
No but you saw that video too?

 

Are you married?
Are you single?
 

May I have your number if any other opportunities arise?
No because I haven’t seen your picture. I don’t know if I would sleep with you.

Who are THEY?

I can’t tell you who they are. I can’t tell you what they are doing. I don’t know. I can’t pass off my experiences with beings as coincidences anymore than I can say they are the works of evil. What I can tell you is things that happened to me after getting my hands on forbidden knowledge.

First off, I always had an interest in Ancient History and Spirituality. I have been looking up things on it since I was in eighth grade. When I was ‘starting over’ in my academic career, I took an online course in Archaeology. Like any other class, I had to buy a textbook. Nothing new there, expect the copyrights printed inside of it. I will be prosecuted and imprisoned if I shared any of the content in the text without permission. Okay, so what did I do? I found some pretty interesting stuff in it and shared it on my blog.

Later that night, something happened. I had a visit from a transparent figure in my room. It was gone in a flash. I had dreams that night of laying on a hospital bed with a machine over my head. I was surrounded by short gray figures. They looked at my memories and thinking process before they began to operate on my brain. The next day, I woke up with a headache, stiff neck, and sore throat — which turned out to be Bronchitis later.

Shortly after I was sick, something else happened. In the middle of the night I woke up to a short green figure with big black eyes standing across my room. He wanted me to ‘join’ something. I shouted, “Leave me the fuck alone,” and tossed my pillow across the room. I fell back asleep, and woke the next morning feeling like I loss a significant amount of time.

I had a stiff neck, sore throat, and pain in my gums. I went to the doctors, and he told me I had a mouth infection and an Upper Respiratory infection. A mouth infection? Seriously? How? I wasn’t exacting giving anyone head, drinking after strangers, or kissing scumbags. The doctor, himself, couldn’t explain it or cure it. He just told me to use salt water.

But at least, that was the last of my string of illnesses.

Question marks “???” texts

Everyone is blowing up my phone with questions marks this week it’s as if I have some obligation to return every message they send me, I don’t. I haven’t met/don’t know half of the people sending me these messages. They are people who are interested in me sending me questions about my day and life.. I don’t like being questioned by no one, especially by people I’m not interested in. I can’t straight out say, “Hey, I’m not interested lose my number.” I tried saying that earlier this week, it backfired. The person called me on my cell phone and sent me additional texts apologizing for bothering me. Yet, they continued to send me messages like ‘Hey’ and ‘What’s up?’ I didn’t answer any of those.

Then I feel bad because they’re wasting their time and I’m not interested in them the way they’re interested in me. I wish they would find someone else that wants to talk to them. I figured if I didn’t respond to any messages, they would get the message. Like ‘I don’t feel like talking right now’ or ‘I’m not interested’. Then I feel like I have some other obligation to explain to them why I don’t want to talk and why I’m not interested. I shouldn’t have to feel obligated, it’s not right.

For one, I don’t even know most of these people. Another thing, there is no rule that I have to be glued to my phone and answer every person that messages me. I only have to speak to people who are actually in my life. If your not, well send someone else question marks…