Missing Link

Ten victims shot at an abandoned warehouse. The main suspect is a dead woman named Isabella Trail. Tough case for investigators Alex Levine and Mitch Davis. They’re left with more questions than answers. Why is a dead woman’s DNA at the scene? What does she have to do with it? What was the killers motive? Is it all connected? Alex and Mitch find the answers where they least expect it.

Published: December 30, 2020. The last of 2020.

Inspiration: It was started during lockdown in 2020. I was playing one of those story apps and notice a lot of them were about crimes or the mafia (no, I’m not writing about that probably ever). So, I thought I should write a crime story so I did. I had half the story written. I ran into a deadend with my characters, or so I thought. I honestly got bored and distracted with everything going on. I felt I needed to somewhat right about a virus or ‘end of the world’ story instead. I put ‘Missing Link’ aside. I wrote and published ‘Aurora Virus’ instead. As far as titles go, I never know what the story is going to be called until the end. I choose the ‘Missing Link’ because it seemed to fit. Two federal agents investigating a crime and not finding many clue. Yeah, it happened at a warehouse but it seemed pretty lame calling my story, “The Warehouse.”

Crystal Madness III: DESTINY

I sent it off Friday, the electronic version was up and running by Saturday morning. Just a few minutes ago, I see the paperback version is available. It only took over 48 hours. It’s usually slow but not this slow. It’s the coronavirus bullshit most likely. The site is crowded with online shoppers and maybe, they have less people reviewing shit. Who knows. But it’s up and now I can write about this bullshit that is the world right now. In a world and field, dominated by men — a woman is one of the last remaining Marines. That’s ANOTHER STORY, though. Can’t say the idea wasn’t inspired by ‘Crystal Madness’ when I made Madison’s husband in the beginning work for the military.

Now this, the actual 3rd and last part to the ‘Crystal Madness’ series… Madison finally makes a choice and meets a new friend named Ethan. No, she doesn’t have a relationship with him and you’ll see why in the ending. Fucked up, yes. That’s life. How the hell are you going to have a story if it’s not?

Crystal madness II

Trevor has lost his memory again. I brought back one their old enemies, ‘Steve’. He travels with Madison all over Mexico and the Middle East. Someone, not just anyone got their hands on the crystals — the government.

No series intended but this was my ‘most popular’ one and I left a cliffhanger with possibilities.

(Sorry if the last few pages and ending makes no sense, I did my final editing high. 🤪 I haven’t been since over a year ago. There will be a part 3 to wrap everything up. And I’m sure everyone is expecting her to make a choice in that one…)

Crystal madness

It’s based on my life.

(Because I had my mind erased, work at a big magazine, have a hot husband in the military, travel all over the place, and met a witch and pirates! Haha. Not.)

Okay, not really. Not at all.

I took a short story from college and twist and spun it to see if I had a story with it and I did.

It’s probably completely different from the content or context you saw from. But that’s the point, why am I going to continue to constantly produce the same thing?

Okay… the guy sounds like some guys I dated or hooked up with the way he talks. A psychologist would probably ask me about that. Sure, he sounds like a dick sometimes (like my husband) but he’s there on the roller coaster with Madison the entire time.

& I’m gone

Thank you all for reading/liking/commenting on my posts over the past 5 years. I can’t believe how much has changed and how I evolved. I’ve taken some of the favorites and put them in this book.

So now, I’m working on other things. It’s not clear to me yet what I’m doing with this blog.

For now, you can find me on Instagram @slmarin. These days I post more announcements and things in stories. I really don’t like to ‘self-promote’. ‘But if you’re a writer, you should’ yeah, just like I should stick to what is me. I’m sure my readers/viewers aren’t idiots and would be like ‘WTF’ if I did.

I published a book

“Hippie Girl” is based on real events from my life. It’s fictionalized for legal and storytelling reasons.

‘Oh, you’re trying to cover you ass?’ Maybe. I mean, I still work at the place all the chaos and illegal shit went down. I recall asking a few people in the story of it was okay I’d use them such as my sister, husband, and mother. All the names have been changed too.

‘Why?’ To respect people’s privacy, legal reasons, and we don’t need the assholes to know I definitely wrote about them!

‘So then, what is it about?’ You have to read it to find out, haha. If you’ve been here awhile you have an idea. All my work together could create a version of this fucked up story.

But basically… this girl, Lila finds herself constantly in weird situations with guys. Her mother’s death definitely didn’t help any. It’s like she replaced one problem for another! Eventually, shit happens and she has to leave all of that behind.

‘Is Lila you?’ Yes and no. Yes, she goes through some shit I did. And no, that’s not my name and she’s a ‘fictional’ character.

‘What does your husband think?’ He wants to read it but I don’t think that’ll be a good idea. We talked about it’s context last night. He seemed to have forgot I had a threesome.

‘Why I didn’t publish it under my marital name?’ Well, for the fact I want to have my private life, private and I’m the only Sandra in this world I know of work that last name. I doubt I’ll ever be that big. But either way, I don’t want to be found! Whereas my maiden name, good luck! I also had this conversation with my mother before she passed and my husband before we married. My mother said, ’it’s your name, do what you want’.

‘What are you doing next?’ Honestly, I don’t know. If you want my honest opinion this story isn’t going to be successful. That’s okay, I knew that. It’s an odd story. Nobody knows who I am. It’s probably not that great. I didn’t even want to write it but it was a monkey on my back. Now the air is clear I can focus on things I actually want to write. It’s not about money. Nobody is paying me shit expect my employer!
 

What actually happened in labor and delivery

I called the hospital when I was at work because I kept leaking fluid. They told me to come in because it sounded like my water ruptured. I went in and got checked. I was dilated at a centimeter and half. Not even close to having full blown contractions. But they baby HAD to come out, nothing was keeping her safe inside me anymore. So they gave me some drug to speed up the process. Not even at 4 centimeters, I was crying and screaming in pain. Like full on. Worse than you’d see on any television shows. They couldn’t get me an epidural yet. When the epidural finally came, it took some people to get me to sit still.

Then my contractions didn’t hurt that much. So much to the point when I had to push, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I haven’t had a kid before. Some time in they discovered my pushing wasn’t effective because the epidural worked too well. Then they lessened it and all hell broke loose. Then came the crazy crying screaming lady — again. This time I was saying ‘lord Jesus Christ’ and ‘leave me the fuck alone’ at a catholic hospital! I’m lucky they didn’t kick me out in the street! The nurse kept making me move in weird positions and put a ball between my legs. At one point I was pulling a rope with my legs wide open.

2 hours and 17 minutes later at 7:59AM… she came. I was in labor all night. I went from having one nurse in the room to being surrounded by a bunch of people. I remember the doctor pulling her out by the head. She said ‘it’s a girl’. She was purple and had a cone shaped head. They brought her over to some bed thing to check her. She was crying the entire. The doctor said I needed four stitches. At that point I didn’t care. I was watching her and the doctors. Then they told me to push out the placenta. That was fast and painless. But I wondered why they waited to stitch me up first? It was sent over for cultures because I had a fever and tested positive for GBS at my 35 week appointment.

 
After…

You thought that was brutal? Nope the fun began after she was born. She had jaundice and we had to go to the doctor the day after went home then every week until it was near away. She was only born two weeks early and considered full term but apparently it was a huge ordeal where her body wasn’t mature enough to process her food. And then all the crying… and fights that broke out between her father and I.

I tried to breastfeed and pump. I had no production issues. I had engorgement issues — I had to pump every 2-3 hours. It became too much for me. I had digestive issues from something and so did she. Instead of playing Russian roulette to figure out what the hell it was, I stopped. I can tell you, I don’t miss constantly leaking everywhere or having enormous size tits that hurt and don’t fit in my bras!

My body, though. I lost 20+ lbs the first week after I gave birth. I only have stretch marks. It’s true you do bleed for a while after you give birth. I bled for about 7 weeks. I wasn’t back working out like I was before I was pregnant until 4 weeks postpartum. Probably only once in my life I listened to a doctors advice. He told me because my pelvis was so opened, I was more prone to infection and injury and shouldn’t go run a marathon or do anything crazy. When I did go back, I can tell you I could hardly do a sit-up. I didn’t realize how much pregnancy took from my back until I tried to lift my body up. And running? Haha. My boobs wouldn’t allow it. They hurt. Not period hurt. Hurt like someone was trying to pull them from my body. So I had to ease back in. In a few weeks I was back to myself… before.

And my doctor said I would start my period in a few weeks after my appointment last month. Here it is over a month later and nothing. I know some people it can take longer but help me god, I better not be pregnant again.

Pregnancy body

So I gained between the normal 20-35lbs and lost 20+ within the first week of giving birth. Here I am 2 months after the fact and I still look like I did when I was 2-3 months pregnant and don’t want to step on a scale.

Why? Because your skin stretches and it’s unrealistic to expect to return to your pre-pregnancy body quickly. I’m lucky I only have stretch marks on my thighs. That’s all I can say. I can only look in the mirror and at how my clothes fit. The scale tells me nothing.

I don’t buy the whole ‘breastfeeding helps you lose weight’ well, for me it didn’t. If anything, making myself do some weird MMA bootcamp shit did. Judge me all you want. I had to quit breastfeeding though I was mass producing and had no issue making milk. It was too much work. I had to pump every 2-3 hours because my engorgement issues. I developed some digestive issues that my baby got as well from something I ate. And my baby had jaundice and had to eat every 2-3 hours. Like it wasn’t enough trying to lact a screaming baby and being the one and only person to wake up numerous times at night to feed her. (Even with formula, you still have to get up. Now it’s only once a night because she is older — not because how I’m feeding her.)

Four weeks postpartum I was back at the gym doing things I probably shouldn’t have been doing. I had no back strength. I could hardly do a sit-up. I did it anyway. I ignored the whole ‘your pelvis is open’ thing. I did it all based on how I was feeling and didn’t listen to the doctors or other people’s opinion. Was it smart? I don’t know but I made it through. Now my arms are stronger. Could be from working out. Could be from carrying around a 12 pound baby all day. Or both.

Do I worry my skin or body won’t go back to where it was? Maybe a little. My mother had six kids and her stomach was a war zone. Full of stretch marks and some saggy skin. I’m not having six kids so I may not have that. My only goal is to look like I did before I was pregnant or close. I’m the worst example to follow. I don’t know why the hell any gym is considering hire me. Not everyone is insane like me. Not everyone has recently thrown out some girls shoulder sparring.

Past two years

My mother got in a car accident. Her ribs were broken. Car destroyed. Her asshole boyfriend was okay. They stopped treating her cancer. She was too weak.

I got engaged outside a hockey arena. I moved in with my fiancé in his parents house. I hated it but it was closer to work. I showed my mother my dress. She never saw me walk down the aisle in it. She died a few months before my wedding.

I got married. I had an affair with my supervisor. I have yet to claim it was manipulated or abuse. All I know is, never again and he’s behind bars somewhere.

I was sued for the lack of paying up something over a decade ago when I was 18. And now I have to sue my employer.

I started a novel exposing the so-called truth and it turned into fiction. Have to end out names and things to not get sued. Have to exaggerate details to tell a story.

I got pregnant. I was going to get an abortion knowing my past and current financial situation. I saw her heartbeat and kept it. Sometimes I wish I got one.

I got a DNA test and so did 2 of my sisters. Come to find out, 1 of them doesn’t have the same father. We don’t know who it is. We knew my father cheated and took her money. We didn’t know she went out with men when he was away.

Does it matter? No. They broke up. She’s dead and carries that secret to her grave. Now I live with the question, what am I going to die with? Why does it seem like I’ve spent my life running and for what? I’m being lied to. It’s a game for everyone.

Last July

He wasn’t around much
you were
I saw fireworks with him
but felt none
at a boring baseball game

you worked during
the fireworks we had at work
I stood around and waited
for you to finish
to say ‘goodbye’

You said you’d make it up
to me and you did
we got a hotel room
we hooked up after work

There was a party
I agreed to meet you there
I was stoned and drunk
you were just drunk
I let you drive my car
we did it under the stars
at a church
and you told me you loved me

I questioned it
when I was sober
you said you
wouldn’t take it back
I avoided any other
conversation about it
it wasn’t what we agreed upon
we were only having fun
both of us had someone

Did he stop trying, no
did he stop drinking, no
he blacked out at work
drinking on the job

Everyone thought
I was being too nice to him
when really I didn’t know the way out
he was one of my bosses
I could only pull away so much
and not say those words

Summer ended

Fall came
and we was behind bars for a DWI

Yet he still told me
you’re the hippie girl
I fell in love with
I meant what I said
I know in your heart
you want to be a mother
you’ll be good

 

No, it’s not his