More odd

I don’t know
for sure who you are
lurking by my accounts
if I seriously thought
about it, it’d drive me mad
I had stalkers in the past
it’s not funny
I hardly doubt you come
to look at pictures and videos
of my daughter
(if so, I’m seriously
going to beat the shit
out of you)
— something else but what?
the random no-shirt pictures
I post twice a year
haha

Is it a coincidence or not
someone said to me last week
“some people may find you
interesting” because I’m quiet
mind my own business, and don’t
give a shit?
Okay

No people are just bored
besides the few men in my life
that go out of their way
to talk to me or stalk me

So intriguing

I am, you watch me
do what? Post pictures and videos
of my daughter haha
like millions of other people

Why is that?
I don’t know
I don’t have the
slightest clue who
you are
don’t matter

it’s not like I’m
going to provide
my life story
and personal business
on my feed
that’s why I have novels
I hardly mention
among other things
I’m not a millennial
that enjoys ‘self-promoting’
I also never say where I work
why? I fucking hate it
and don’t want anyone showing up

So my daughter is cute
I’m a mother
should have followed me
years ago when I wasn’t
in this life
maybe I would have been
more fascinating
and less likely to swollen
my pride
haha, yeah right
I was never an open book
that’s what made me a ‘writer’

Odd fellow

What did you have for lunch? Pumpkin donuts. Yeah, real healthy I’m aware. I’m too lazy and careless to bother with anything else.

Are you on Facebook? I have one but I don’t use it. I’m only tagged in videos and pictures of my daughter. Who seriously asks that these days? Are you gonna friend request me? Haha.

How long have you been married? It’d be three years in October… Why?

How long have you been together? It’d be nine years in October. Why? Is it because I look young? We met in our early 20s, we’re 30. No we didn’t stay together the entire time, we went through on and offs and ups and downs.

What’s his name? What is this the third degree? Are you the police going to investigate him? Or just nosey?

What does he do for a living? He’s an accountant. More like a puppet that hits buttons on a computer all day. Exact opposite of anything and everything I do.

Has he met the owner? No. Why the hell?

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I don’t like dealing with people, how would that job be ideal for me? Only all my income and work hours depend on people. It’s also expensive to get certified…

Try new natural condoms today!
You’re right I should use condoms but wait, are you bugging my phone and watching me have sex!?

Get birth control pills to travel with you!
You’re right I probably be on birth control but again, how do you know my business!?

Can’t do epic shit with basic people mug.
OMG, true perfect for my caffeine addiction!

2 for $24 leggings!
Really? That’s the best you could find by cracking in my search engine? So I always look for cheap leggings, I’m sick of this high waisted bullshit!

Fitness influencers wanted
That’s because the obvious, I’m a ‘brand ambassador’ for some fitness clothing line in the UK. Spoiler alert, it pays nothing. It’s nothing but free advertisement for them. So if I tried one, I’d do another? Nope. Piss off.

Jewelry ambassadors wanted
I bought a necklace for my daughter she won’t wear until she’s older online a while ago. I guess the tracking chip told them I love jewelry — I don’t.

Want to be a personal trainer? Get your free career kit today!
There’s a lot for that? Haha. You’ll do literally anything to get people’s money!

Things I’m already over with in 2020

Celebrity makeup lines
We’ve heard it 50 million times now by pretty much everyone.

Makeup. Period.
How many more palettes and foundations does the world need? At least it gives people that aren’t millionaires already jobs.

Waiting in lines to get coffee
I’m too lazy to make it myself but I have a coffee maker!? It’s free to make but what the fuck well I’m bored with everything they sell in stores too.

Marriage. Babies.
Yeah, I’m aware I’m married and have a baby! That’s the point. They both irritate the shit out of me and I wonder why I did any of it in the first place. And no, I’m not even thinking about another!

Facebook
Yeah, the first week of January in 2020 I was gone. It was the BEST decision I’ve made on the internet in my life!

Etsy
Okay, I’ll be fair a lot of people were good crafters and sellers BUT that one, that didn’t respond and try to make me look stupid to get my money — I’m done. I got my money back so they can kiss my ass.

Publishing on Amazon!?!
They take a lot of your profit. And the playing field is huge, obviously. I don’t care if I’m a known writer, I care if I’m making more then $6 when I publish shit.

Election
I don’t know whose running or really care. I may or may not vote. Bite me. All that matters is Trump is out of the office and less an idiot takes over.

My hair
I’ve had ‘platinum’ or ‘near platinum’ blonde hair for years. Natural when I was younger until I hit like 16 — I started coloring it because I didn’t like more roots were darker? I used some natural light blonde product on it with no bleach. Around when I was 18 I was like holly fuck, my hair looks like it’s turning red (a strawberry blonde?) so I started using blonde dye with little bleach in it. And here I am, 30 and seeing those same undertones in my hair. So I wonder… no I’d probably regret it.

FAQ Bitch I’m 30

How old is your baby?
Currently 6 months old.

Are you having another one?
I didn’t plan the first one. There’s no way I’m even thinking about having another one!

How much do you sleep?
I go to bed after 9pm, I’m up around 1am to feed her, and up again around 4am. You do the math. Sometimes I sleep an hour before I go to work if I’m lucky.

How’s your husband?
A fucking asshole as usual. He got fired for running his mouth. I’m not supporting his ass!

How are you?
What version do you want? A filtered answer or the truth? I’m fine. Nobody really cares how you are, it’s a greeting nobody also cares to answer.

I’m not going to tell you I don’t see the point in shit anymore. I have a headache and I’m probably planning something.

Whats your deal with cowboys, why do you keep mentioning them?
I mentioned them for a few days? Probably because something I was thinking of writing. When I think of the ‘bad boys’ of my past I think of the country men I dated. They liked to drink and not really settle down. A few I had an open relationship, friends with benefits or causal sex deal with. It was nothing but fun.

Oh, I thought you had a crush on one?
Meh. No. For a second I was attracted to someone that reminds me of one. Then I went home and had sex with husband and thought nothing of him.

There’s a difference between crush and attraction. Crush, you think about them a lot. Attraction is when you see them and you’re like, they’re hot. Then you go home and have sex with your partner and think nothing of them.

Why are you married?
He’s an asshole but he’s my asshole. He’s been on this roller coaster with me for 8 years now — 6 dating, 2 married. He can be sweet and thoughtful when he wants — like me.

So you’re cheating on your husband?
No. I’m too busy fucking my husband when I’m not busy with other shit.

Are you high?
I wish. Shit it’s been a while since I’ve been high. Maybe that’s my issue. Haha.

How do you do it?
Do what? The answer is always caffeine.

How old are you?
I’m 30. Still 30 for the next 9 months.

What are you working on?
Another story that may or may not sell. But hey, I keep things interesting and moving unlike most of the population. I’m probably not giving it to Amazon, that’s my mistake. They take most of the little profit you make. You need to go through a real publisher and also sell your shit there.

What is your genre?
I need to stick to a genre? I do whatever the hell I want.

Why aren’t you on Facebook?
If you’ve been following me a while or know me in real life, you know I fucking hate Facebook. It reminds me of family reunions I never go too!

Why isn’t your husband on your accounts/you never mention him?
That’s not true, I do from time to time but nobody listens! Haha. He doesn’t have an Instagram (thank god that’d drive everyone nuts) and I don’t need nor want to put my personal relationship shit online. The only time that shit is cute is when you’re in your early 20s and start dating — yeah, we used to be that couple.

And yes, I’m aware he’s on Facebook. It’s me that has an issue with it. He actually uses it to connect with old friends and family, I don’t. So, he has his own space and I have mine. I’m secure enough in my relationship and skin I don’t even care what he does online. I don’t check any of his shit. He doesn’t check mine.

Updated thoughts on social media

Twitter
Okay, it was booming more when I wrote about it 3 years ago. Now it’s really just a place for celebrities to listen to them to talk and have their obsessed fans and trolls watch.

Instagram
The place anyone or everyone would rather share a photo these days. Why? You don’t know all the people that will see it and you most likely don’t have to deal with unwanted acquittances or family members commenting on it — they have no idea how to use it!

Facebook
Still seems to be the place all your unwanted acquittances and family members hit up to see what you’re doing. Jokes on them, you hardly post anything on your profile! Doesn’t stop them from creeping.

Snapchat
Everyone loves the filters but not everyone uses it regularly. Why? It’s another service you’d have to put an effort in to gain followers or to follow people or things you’re interested in that you already follow in other places and see the same content.

Tik Tok
That’s new. Again another service you’d have to put some sort of effort in and not everyone or everything you’re interested in is on it.

Just my beliefs

If eating animals are wrong, why aren’t eating plants wrong?
They’re living, breathing things too. We don’t know if they think, feel, or speak. Because we can’t hear them, read their mind, or feel their pulse doesn’t mean they’re less of a living thing than we are.

 

I would vote for cockroaches for president before Trump.
Cockroaches can live through wars. If we elect cockroaches as our president, we’d have no other option then to get our shit together or leave the country. Something we need to do but haven’t had anything kick us in the ass yet.

 


What I eat isn’t due to my…
Lifestyle choice, religion, or how I was raised.

I eat what I want, when I want I don’t think that much about it. Maybe I had in the past when I had health/body issues. Obviously, I’m not going to touch something I don’t like or is loaded in fat and grease.

I’m not religious. Me eating not eating meat has nothing to do with me being Atheist, Christian, or Buddhist because I’m not. I’m sure some religions have diet restrictions set in them, don’t ask me because I walked out of my “World Religions” class in the beginning of my college career — it put me to sleep.

My mother raised me to eat right or whatever she put in front of me until I was a certain age. She stopped fighting with me to ‘eat right’ and let do what I want.

 

I think Astrology is a tool to help you understand yourself and people around you, it’s not an exact science or anything to live by.
I don’t care if you believe in Astrology or not — or how much you know about it. If you call me crazy or act like the sun sign is the most important factor in understanding yourself/someone/compatibility, I have little to no interest in talking to you. Closed minded or arrogant people piss me off.

 

I believe past life regressions help you understand where you come from but it’s not by any means, something to take to heart.
There is no evidence to say whether or not reincarnation is real — and you can’t worry so much about who you were or what you did in your past life it’s not who you are today.

 

Who people marry, what they do with their lives, or whatever is none of my concern/business.
We live in a fucked up time period and world where everyone needs to know everyone else’s business because of social media. Before social media, we went about our lives the natural way. Once people were out of lives, they were OUT. Sometimes we’d get a phone call or letter from them if they were anywhere significant in our life. If you “followed” someone the natural way, you’d be stalking them which is illegal.

How to be a blogger

Create a WordPress account.

Wait, WHY the fuck are you on here if you don’t have an account in the first place?

 

Customize your website.

Make a squirrel or rainbow your background, who cares.

 

Create a post.

Make a poem or paragraph about how you hate/love your partner, life, job, family, friends, celebrities, society, the world, or getting drunk on the weekends. Include photos or videos by choice…

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Let’s pretend this is Facebook

Status update:

-If he can’t make plans, why do you waste your time? He’s just using you. You could do so much better.
-Be with someone that’s worth then a minute of your time.
-I ran a mile in 6 minutes.
-They call me, “Monster.”
-Don’t call me Taylor Swift, I DISLIKE her. I rather have you call me Kesha, I LOVE her. We probably have more in common too.
-Don’t call me “babe” I’m not your fucking girlfriend. You’re some creep that magically got my number. We never met.
-Ya’ll are dumb and a waste of my time.
-I don’t want to see your fucking selfie.

Pictures of selfies:

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