Do you eat plastic?
No but I chew on it.
What is your political party?
Please specify: I don’t care.
What is your sexual orientation?
Please specify: Whoever I like.
Where do you think the country is headed?
Do you own a raccoon?
No but have you seen my makeup after a wild night?
Do you eat tires?
No but you saw that video too?
Are you married?
Are you single?
May I have your number if any other opportunities arise?
No because I haven’t seen your picture. I don’t know if I would sleep with you.
In a relationship = I didn’t want to put it out there but my partner is suspicious.
Single = I am not single, I’m in a relationship. I hope my partner doesn’t know I’m seeing other people.
Married = I am tied down for the rest of my life. If I cheat, nobody has a clue expect my partner. Everyone else thinks I’m great.
Status: “It was a beautiful day out. So thankful for my friends and family that came out. <3” = It was a horrible day. I can’t stand them but I’m going to pretend I do.
Still wanna date me?
-Get drunk all you want.
-Have sex with caution.
-Go places/make changes in your life on your own terms.
-Have more time for a social life, doing things that interest you.
-Spend your money on whatever.
-Eat ice cream for dinner.
-You have someone to do fun things with.
-Make plans when to get drunk.
-You can get laid without worrying about STDs or hurt feelings — you know each other.
-Have to figure out how to include them in your plans small/big.
-Do things your partner likes to keep them happy — expect they do the same thing in return.
-Save money for a rainy day.
-Spend an hour discussing what you want for dinner. Settle on fast food because its fast and cheap — and now you’re starving!
Text 3-10 guys/girls at once. Options. Damn it.
Agree to meet up with 1-3 people a week. Mall? Bowling? Drinks? Okay, whatever — sounds good.
Be stupid — drunk or sober. Maybe we say something stupid or have sex. Wake up the next morning like, What the fuck just happened?
Dream. Our prince/princess should be knocking on our door any moment — or at least our brain to solve the puzzle, What am I doing with my life?