“Hippie girl”

he said
I laughed
how am I?
I don’t do the drugs?
I don’t have
multiple partners

But
he said
I see your eyes
I can read you like
nobody else can
I seen your anger
I heard you talk
about your mother
I know your capacity
for love and know
how you feel about me
your situation
my situation doesn’t matter

 

Right it did matter
because I did love you
you supposedly loved me
but you kept on
drinking and lying
ran from a DWI

You called me
you left messages
saying what you
said and felt was true

Then one day I heard
you can’t speak anymore
you had brain surgery
to remove a tumor
you’re no longer you
but I’m still me

 

Sure

Sure,
I love you
I’ve said it many times
I was there when you needed me
though sometimes you pushed me away
I didn’t try to change you
though sometimes I felt you wanted me to change

Sure,
I haven’t seen this is my life
you in pain and crying in a hospital bed but
I’ve seen and knew worse things in my life
that had nothing to do with you

Sure,
I won’t talk about these things
and you probably know what I’m talking about anyway
and you’re like, well you’ve said and did worse things
to me too
but none of this is your fault

Sure,
It isn’t but I’ve seen symbols around me
I knew something was going to happen
but I didn’t know what
for someone that has all the answers and knows my stuff
I know nothing at all

Sure,
I had flashbacks of some events
and bad days
of the nightmare that moment
and again, I questioned everything
feeling like none of this is enough
or even right for me

Sure,
I could run or rash out like I normally do
because of these thoughts and feelings
but what good would that do
I know there’s other people out there
and I know there’s a lot of opportunities
I don’t have here
nor change because I stayed here with you

Sure,
I could change that and I probably should
I can’t see where this is headed
and if anywhere, I don’t know if I want to be
the mother or if I’m even ready for it
all my life I wanted nothing but to be free
from this world
how can I do that if I tie myself to someone?
what would be the point?
so you can leave like my father?
or I get some non-genetic cancer like my mother?
and for what?
to continue this viscous cycle that never ends

Sure,
It could end
but I prefer not to be blind sided

Crazy Ex saga cont.

Text messages

 

Him
Hey

 

Him
Hey, how it’s going?

 

Him
Hi

 

Him
?

 

Him
Sandra

 

I ignore and delete all the messages, I’m 2-3 hours away with my boyfriend.

 

Him
How is your day going?

 

Him
Hey

 

Him
Hi, how are you?

 
Him
Hey

 
I ignore and delete all the messages. He has no idea that I left nor came back from my trip or so I think.
 

A piece of metal magically appears in the tire in the morning, someone did it over night. It had to be him, he was the one who pointed out a screw in the tire and marked it red in the summer time. Had I caught him or had evidence it was him, I’d go after him for that and other things. He can’t take no for an answer and if you ignore him, he tries to destroy you. The true image of an abuser and psychopath.