Odd questions at work

Do you have a razor blade?
Yes, I totally come to work and shave my business! Not.

How tall are you?
How tall does it look? I’m not short or tall. I’m boring average.

Do you have any tissues?
Nope. Let me not check my bag or car. Still no. If you’re sick, should you really be at work with what’s going on?

Where can I find windex?
Have you tried the store or Walmart? I’m not packing that either.

You’re pretty, did you take my money?
I don’t sell shit, so no. If you’re applying you’ll pay me $1,000+ for a stupid chair maybe I should reconsider.

How long have you been married?
3 years next month. Means nothing. We’d been together 8+ years. Why? You’re not my type. As if I really have a type, I don’t… very minimum he can’t be slow.

What is your relationship with the owner?
I have none. A few interactions here and there.

Have you ever pissed him off?
Not yet, or that I know of. I’m not trying to get fired or my hours cut!

‘Make it or break it’ questions

I feel like the next time someone asks me about myself, I’m going to give them this link so I can stop explaining and answering the same questions.

 

Is that really you in your photo?
Yes.

 

What body type do you prefer?
Thin, athletic, or average.

 

Would you date someone taller?
I have in the past, so maybe.

 

Would you date someone shorter?
Men? No. Women? Maybe.

 

How often do you masturbate?
Why? This shouldn’t be public knowledge. If you’re worried about me being a porn addict or sex addict, I’m not.

 

How often do you have sex?
Not as often as you like to think.

 

Do politics interest you?
Hell no.

 

Do you believe in God?
No.

 

Do you have a religion?
No.

 

Are you spiritual?
Yes.

 

Do you eat meat?
The only meat I eat is chicken but I’m thinking about being a vegetarian.

 

Are a single parent?
No.

 

Are you looking for someone to have kids with?
No?

 

Are you monogamous?
Yes until I find out you’re cheating on me.

 

Have you ever cheated?
Years ago.

 

Will you cheat on me?
No, I’d dump you.

 

What is important to you?
Fitness and my work.

 

What is your sexual orientation?
Bisexual.

 

Does that mean you’re going to leave me for a man/woman?
No.

 

Do you have threesomes?
No.

 

Do you have an STD?
No.

 

Do you go to orgies?
No and I’ve never been to one.

 

Would you like to join my partner and I?
No.

 

Do you date a man and woman at the same time?
No, do you date two guys or two girls at the same time?

 

Why does your profile say you’re only looking for women?
Because I don’t want a man.

 

Are you gay?
No.

 

Are you experimenting?
No.
 

Is this a phase?
No.

 

How old are you?
26 years old.

 

What the fuck are you doing?
Fuck off.

Honestly answering an Ex’s questions

Why didn’t you respond to my text?
You texted me? I blocked your cell phone number.

 

Did you miss me?
I miss the sex, I don’t miss you so much.

 

Do you love me?
I loved you but I don’t anymore. Okay, maybe I do love you. Not in the sense I want to marry you, in the sense I don’t want to hurt you.

 

Would you consider getting back with me?
No, yes, no, yes, no. It depends, are you still flirting with/screwing everyone you see?

 

Why did you break up with me?
I was still in love with my ex boyfriend.

 

You loved your ex more than you loved me?
Yes. I mean, we’ve been together for four years.

 

So you choose him over me?
Yes.

 

Will you go out with me?
Maybe if I was single.

 

Why did you make it difficult to see me when you were single?
I knew you only wanted to see me to have sex and I had a million other things going on my in my life. The last thing I wanted to be was some guy’s booty call.