Kind of shit I deal with

ba

Yeah, you should NOT be okay with seeing your father’s penis but I’m not allowed to tell you my honest opinion about this. I’m supposed to act like this doesn’t disturb or annoy me when actually it does. If you’re serious, you should seek professional help. I can’t help you.

 

c d

Actually there is everything wrong with that but I’m not authorized to tell you that. If you’re seriously a grown man who likes your wife changing your diaper and talking baby talk to you, you have a serious problem. I hope you seek professional help for this issue, and if not; I hope your wife leaves you. No one woman should have to put up with this even though she supposedly likes it.

 

I will add those next to the pile of garbage I received about a father looking at his daughters boobs and a boy who wishes he could date his hot sister.
 
The question I have is: How long do you put aside your morals, beliefs, and standards to ‘help’ someone who is either abusing the service or can’t help themselves?

I’m a nut case at night

I probably have every personality disorder in the book, it wouldn’t surprise me.

 

I say everything that comes into my mind
Twitter or text message. It doesn’t matter. Today I said a man threatened to kill me on Twitter. It’s not true. I went on about how I feel nothing and think my boyfriend is gay via text message.

 

Someone is out to get me
I must change my privacy settings on my social media accounts because some guy messaged me. He must be a stalker or clinically crazy because who does that? I can’t trust no one.

 

Someone is going to break into the house
I have to sleep with some sort of a light on because if I don’t Satan, an Alien, or some creepy man will come into the house and straggle me. They won’t take me because they like to keep me a prisoner here.

 

I can’t focus on anything and refuse to go to sleep
I’m not watching one video, I’m watching two videos. I’m also reading an article and asking Google if it was possible that I had sex with a demon. All while I’m texting three people and laughing in my room.

 
 

I’m not like this during the day. This is why no one should talk to me or listen to anything I say after 10pm.

Psychoanalyzing Literature

I found this on the desktop. Old essay I wrote for a class, I was psychoanalyzing someone. I had some fun with this… commentary trash talk. Don’t shoot me. 

 

The Vanishing Lady (A story about a lady with an eating disorder?)

In “Never Marry a Mexican,” the narrator, Clemincia, struggles with relationships with her mother, father, and love interest. (She wants to have sex with everyone?) She masks her feelings well as she goes about her secret plan to vanish and deceive. Like her mother, she becomes a “Vanishing lady,” due to “The Name of the Father,” a man. (She wants to have sex with her father?) Clemencia demonstrates her feelings of guilt and anger in symbolic order with metaphors. (What the fuck does that mean? She’s crazy.)

According to Zizek (Who the fuck is Zizek?) we effectively become something by pretending that we are. (Zizek) (Why am I writing names in parentheses, it’s dumb.) The mask we wear in public symbolizes who we really are behind closed door. (What mask? I just don’t want everyone to know who I am fucking.) In “Never Marry a Mexican,” Clemencia’s mother told her that she imagines her father in his fanfarron clothes because that’s what he was. (Don’t marry a Mexican because he likes to fap off? How is that different than any other man on this planet? Fanfarron,” is a metaphor to describe how Clemencia’s father really was. (A drag queen?) He was a fanfarron (flame-thrower?) with his flashy shark-blue suits, tweed topcoat with big shoulders, and heavy British wing tips with a pin-hole design on the heel and toes. (Cisneros) (I get it, he dresses in drag.)“Fanfarron,” is a metaphor to describe how Clemencia’s father really was. (A drag queen?) He was self-conceited, arrogant, and materialistic. (Was? You mean IS?) It wasn’t possible that the mother was happy. The mother ignored his behavior and did nothing about it, she ceased to exist. (I would too if I was his mother.) She became one of those vanishing ladies Zizek would refer too. Vanishing ladies seem to have control over us as they tap into our psyche somehow. They are convincing, irresistible, and ladylike in nature. (Zizek 79) (Zizek wants to have sex with his mother.) 

Clemencia does not think of her mother as ladylike in nature, however. She uses the metaphor “little finch,” (little dick) to transfer her guilt to intend something to be other than what it really is. (Cisneros) She compares her mother to a little finish because she once had one for a pet. She twisted one of its legs off in the bars of the cage. It was still able to live for a long time without it with its little red stump as a leg. (very small dick) After her fathers death, Clemencia’s mother got remarried to a white man with children. (a common boring guy) Clemencia’s mother lived paralyzed for a long time to the extent it affected her mentality. Her memory of her father’s presence is gone and dried up like the bird that lost its leg and lived a long time without it. The reference to the “little finich,” and “red stump,” is also a metaphor to her own life. (She sees a lot of little dicks and very small dicks in her life.) (Cisneros) Clemencia feels small and wounded. (I would too if I was surrounded by dicks with small dicks.) She tries not to miss or feel anything as she remembers not to marry a Mexican man. (She doesn’t want to marry a Mexican man because she fears they have small dicks like white men?) Clemencia’s attitude suggests that the “white man,” is the one to blame for her affair with a married man, Drew. (No she is the one to blame. She doesn’t like small dicks, why does she keep fucking them?) (Cisneros) When really what is to blame is her mother, father, and self.

According to Lacan it is the lack of the, “Name of the Father,” or father in Clemencia’s case, that allows there to be signified, delusional metaphors. (She still wants to fuck her father.) It involves an imaginary couple from the imaginary disaster until the level is reached at the signifier and stabilize. (She fanasties about a man like her father.) (Lacan) The imaginary couple involves a ego-object or ideal-reality where the subject field is from the aggression it carries out. In this case, Clemencia’s ego-object becomes Drew. The ideal-reality becomes her memories of him when he is gone. The subject field in the end is Drew and Megan’s son. How can Clemencia live with herself when she is reminded that she slept with Drew when Megan was pregnant for him? (She has more issues than me. Finally I found someone that does.)

Clemincia tells us about the time Drew called her his Malinalli. (Cisneros) Although it was a joke, it served as a private unconscious game between them. Drew played the role as the “Name of the Father,” while Cleminica played as the “Vanishing lady.” (Now she is pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is.) Drew was the “white man,” Clemincia’s step-father. (She is racist against white people because she calls Drew a white man.) The perfect, idealistic looking man with potential. Cleminica was now the ladylike women in nature. This time she played the role as a phantomlike figure while appearing as a woman he can admire. (Zizek)

Clemincia appeared to be beautiful and ladylike with her coursean and dark skin. Drew, on the other hand, was pale and looked like a Corte with his black beard. As he kissed her he would call her “Mi doradita,” and “Malinche.” (Cisneros) (She wanted to have sex with him because he can say things in a different language.) Clemincia then started to play the role of her mother and Drew played the role of her father. (Foreplay.) In this case, the role of the father is redoubled in the place of the signifier which allows the symbolic order of things to continue. (Lacan 207) Like her mother, Cleminica was not satisfied because the amount of care he showed towards her was not enough. (She wanted more sex.) She wanted the ideal partner and he wasn’t making her feel loved and worthy of living. Cleminica and Drew were a imaginary couple, all in her head. Drew was married to another woman, and they were going to have a baby. (Everyone is whore in this story.) Have he cared it wouldn’t have been that way. He was like her father who cheated on her mother. The relationship between Cleminica’s mother and father was also imaginary. Her mother had no memory of him. He was showing-off in his expensive clothes somewhere distant from her.

Clemincia transfers her anger out on Megan’s son. She believes that her child is nothing without her, created from red spit and red dust. “Red spit,” and “red dust,” is a metaphor for blood. (Cisneros) (No, it’s a metaphor for you’re dead.) They both suggest the symbolic order of thing. Spit is a natural substance from your body. Dust is dirt that can be blown any direction. (She wants to blow Megan’s son.) Clemincia is telling us that she is mad and planning to deceive the boy. She made him by sleeping with his father behind his mother’s back. So he is a “smudge of paint,” that can be revised and tossed aside just as relationships and people. (She wants to change him.) (Cisneros) When it is all done and over she will disappear like her mother and father has in the beginning. (She is extremely fucked up, I still don’t know what she is trying to say.)

In the end, it is clear that Clemincia is a victim. (No, it’s clear she is psycho.) She was cheated on many times by men. Left hurt, bitter, and lonely she learned how to play the game. In order to break the symbolic order of things she has to strike back. That’s not easy when everything is masked in a world that enlists masks, metaphors, and delusions as part of human nature. The way to break nature is to go along with it. (Why because she don’t really care about life or herself?)

Guide to Self-Improvement

If you are like me, you think this is another pointless blog post telling you what to do to make your life better.

 

Like… Who are you? Are you an expert? What works you and other people won’t work for me! Unless I am really sick, how is that helpful?

 

Bingo. That’s the answer.

 

It’s not helpful. You have a functioning brain, mind, and body. The problem is you listen to people tell you, you have problems. You listen to them talk down to you, ignoring the fact they have problems too.

 

What to do?

 

Well, you live in you. You have the ability to create, think, and act for yourself. If something bothers you, you change it. If someone slams the door in your face, look for another. If your friends or so-called allies turn your back on you, find new ones. It’s not going to be easy, nothing ever is. You are you — nothing anyone or anything can take away from you. Nothing you are willing or should surrender to things or people that cause you more harm than good.

 

You own your mind, body, and spirit. No one else knows it. No one else controls it. No matter what they may think or try to have you believe. And please, do not listen to me either. I am typing words on a screen. I can’t guide you. I can’t improve you. I don’t know you. It’s all up to you.

 

Cure an Addiction 101

Chocolate

Eat more until your stomach hurts.

 

Alcohol

Drink as much as it takes to forget your name.

 

Porn

Goggle, “Chubby Dick.”

 

Coffee

Drink more, you obviously didn’t drink enough.

 

Sex

Just don’t get herpes or pregnant… you will die.

 

Music

Get new earphones so you won’t go deaf.

 

Working out

Only a problem when your legs hurt during sex.

 

Social media

Be a narcissist. If you’re into yourself, you have no problem.

 

Other food

Eat more until you want to throw up.

 

Drugs

Just. Don’t. Twerk.

 

…And this is why my career as a Psychologist never started.

 

Love is a disorder?

Confused

Can’t tell if it is real or fake.

 

Over-thinking

Debating in my head if I really feel anything.

 

Angels fighting Devils

It was wrong for me to say that and act that way. I should apologize or change my attitude. Fuck that shit, they come to me. If not well, oh well.

 

A third person comes in

Why be with you? They so want to bang me. It is true, they even gave me their number and told me to text anytime.

 

I am nothing, I deserve nothing — am worthless

All I got is you. No name, no career, and nothing else to look forward too. It’s an endless dry cycle — but it’s better when I see you.

 

I should change

Am too weird. I can’t really change that. I could, however; act like a doll and tell everyone in your life what they want to hear for us to avoid conflict.

 

Mind games

Don’t even know if we are playing. So busy mirroring the image the other person wants.

 

Relentless

Just keep going, going, and going… we don’t know what we are doing or if it is coming out anywhere. What can we do? We are both ignorant — and full of shit too.

Caffeine Abuse

It’s not a problem, everyone drinks it. Some drink it more than others.

It’s a huge part of our culture. People I see everyday don’t see it as a problem.

Only I acknowledge it as a potential problem.

 

I’m drinking 7 large ice coffees and 4 litters of soda in a week. The coffee is because I like it. The soda is because I feel tired or miserable. I use it to give me a high after I have been working out or doing work for hours.

I know it is bad. There is really nothing I can do. I can’t stop. It makes me wonder what the future will hold, like I’ll become an alcoholic or something if I have the money and easy access to it. I know once I start drinking, I can’t stop. I drink to get drunk — like I drink caffeine to get a high.

When I try to quit, I just go right back. My head hurts, I’m exhausted and miserable. I try to replace it with non-caffeinated soda or tea. That does nothing, I don’t like it. I am set in my ways. I go back to my ways.

If I could get professional help I would. That costs time and money which I don’t have. What I can do is at least try to control my impulses and energy. I can’t say I’m going to stop or drink less because I am compulsive. I need to find a way not to lose my mind and annoy everyone else around me when I am withdrawing.

Yet, nobody sees me withdrawing. Nobody sees me period.

 

This is an invisible illness.

How to spot a narcissist

Online:

 

Attention-seeking status updates.

One day they are complaining about their day — the next day, something bad happens. We feel sympathy. The following day — it’s a gorgeous day at the beach and they’re happily in love. The final day — they talk about their achievements. It’s a never ending cycle.

 

Watch out — these people got smart. Instead of saying much about themselves and work, they keep quiet or post links to it on their wall. They are creating the perfect image of themselves, which means not making their self-gratification obvious. Every like and comment you give to them feeds their ego. Oh yeah, and that sweet picture of them playing in a cornfield with their dog — was planned out by the photographer.

 

Lastly — selfies. Many selfies. They seem to have a new profile picture up every week. If they have an instagram, their face is all over it.

 

In Real Life:

 

If you can answer yes to any of these questions, it’s a good chance they are:

 

Are the conversations more focused on them than you?

Are they obsessed with their appearance?

Do they have many shallow relationships?

Is the only time they want to see you/be seen with you is on their own time?

 

 

… If you know them online and in real life, your job is much easier.