The past

doesn’t define us
but helps us better
understand the present
and future
so, people
said or did a lot
of shit they shouldn’t
have been doing
(who hasn’t?)
they shouldn’t be hung
for it but at the same
time, they need to be
accountable and should
have taken into
consideration
hey, this might bite
me in the ass someday
and make me lose things
I’ve worked hard for

that’s why your mother
told you to
“think before you speak”

“I’m…”
“But I was…”
“I wasn’t…”
the world is done
with your excuses
look at everything
going on in the world
nobody gives a fuck
about ‘oh, poor you’
especially when you’re
an adult and have all
this money
while a lot of us
are actually struggling

It’s time to wake up
nobody cares to listen
to your narcissistic bullshit
so go back to flaunting
what you have
crying online
and posting pictures
see how many people
click ‘mute‘
(you won’t know)
or unfollow your ass

Random thoughts

Edit

Edit again.

Another ice coffee or ice tea or Gatorade? Shit I’m almost out.

There’s a sale at Victoria’s Secret, again. Really bad for my wallet but I need a new bag, shirt, pants, perfume, etc because I want it.

I haven’t planned my story app in days too busy on other websites. There’s still NOTHING new.

I’m cold I want ice cream.

Protests? Meh. I don’t care. Don’t throw rocks at my car again asshole. I’ll slap you with a lawsuit.

I sued my employer, what makes you think I won’t sue you?

I have nothing to fear the inside of my mouth. I broke my tooth and it’s decayed.

Why can’t people leave me the fuck alone and let me write in peace!?

Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look at me at all.

Face masks are stupid. This entire thing is stupid.

You remember the times it was a big deal when you went to public places with your face covered? Those days are over.

If people asked, ‘hey, did you test positive for an STD?’ every time you went in public as mush as they did COVID, well…

I’m not looking forward to going back to work.

I’m looking forward to the day I get another job.

The guy in my writing I obviously slept with. Do you need concrete details about that too?

Relationships are stupid. Marriage is stupid too. It’s a contract.

I don’t need to date assholes anymore, I live with one.

I’m emotionally unavailable because I don’t have emotions.

The only person I care about is my daughter.

Hmmm, let me think… No.

He’s hot, I’d sleep with him. Expect for the fact he’s too straight edge.

I don’t have issues in that department. I have issues in the giving a fuck department.

I think the answer is I need new sunglasses.

I need to rethink this selling on Amazon bullshit.

I don’t know what I’m planning to do with my characters in this story. I’m just writing a crime novel.

I’m not drunk. I wish I was.

I really think that much about him. I write about him sometimes. Maybe I need a therapist. Fuck that shit. I’d rather waste money other places.

Agh

I am mad
I’ve tried everything
I could to forget about it
I talked to people about it
I talked to the source,
I ran, skated, focused on my baby, punched a bag, applied to other jobs,
got drunk, seduced my man, slept on it,
and went for a ride
there’s nothing left
for me to do but
move on
and try to get another job
again
what if I can’t?
the vicious cycle continues
it’s easy for me to ignore
everyone but kinda hard
when I’d have to face them
again
and I guess, go back
to my writing and hope
someday it’s enough
to get me the hell out

Footage of an ‘Aquarius moon’ experiencing emotions

.
..

I don’t feel anything. I’m emotionally numb and retarded. The only emotions I know are lust, desire, passion, and anger. I only feel lust, desire, and passion in bed. After I do it there’s nothing there. I’m empty. Someone pisses me off, I turn in 2 seconds to a raging asshole. Do I yell? Not unless I’m married to you. Strangers, acquittances, and co-workers I can forget about just as fast as they pissed me off. But if, I don’t I have some history, relationship, or interest in you — it’s different. I stay mad longer. Sometimes I don’t realize I’m mad until I’m alone in my head. Do anything about it? I try. But sometimes, the physical and creative work I do isn’t enough. So I get drunk and high a bit. It does nothing but get me out of myself. Do I have a problem? No. I don’t think drinking a few times a month or smoking weed once a blue moon means you have a problem. It’s a problem when you use them as a crutch. I don’t. I wish I could but that’s not me. I have a daughter now. I would never put her or myself in that position. I don’t even do those things when she’s around. I don’t judge people but they judge me. I don’t care enough about people in general to care what they’re doing.

Because I’m pregnant

I don’t get special treatment
no one holds the door open for me
people increasingly like to cut me off when I’m walking

People at work
still expect me to do everything
like I have been
I still got frowned upon my
nosey coworker when I take a break
though she takes multiple

People I’m associated with
through marriage more so expect me
to worship the ground they walk on
and kiss their ass
and talk shit about me when I’m
on the other corner of the room
or behind my back

Strangers say ‘congratulations’
as a way to greet me

People at the gym need to comment
on how impressed they are
I workout or point at my stomach
like they’re 4 years old and they
haven’t seen a pregnant chick before

Acquittances need to greet me
with how big I’m getting
like I don’t have eyes and an mirror

My husband is still my husband
and will fight with me regardless
I don’t have ESP

There’s not a day I’m not either
invisible, in the center of the floor, or someone’s target

And some of them want to see
pictures or the baby
and I’m thinking, you know
pregnancy hasn’t affected my memory
or ability to put
one and two together
y’all treat me
like shit or talk shit about me behind my back
and you think for a second or two
you try to kiss my ass,
it’ll change anything?
I might be blonde but
I’m not a fucking idiot

All this time I have kept to myself
kept my I don’t give a fuck persona
and dealt with you crazy people
treat others how
you want to be treated
they say
if you were pregnant,
would you want to deal with this?
No
I’m glad (not really) I’m bringing a child in this world
full of hypocrites but
she’ll know the truth

“Smile”

the strange man
following me around
at work today said
like him saying that
was going to get
a reaction from me
it didn’t
I went about my business
thinking it was rude
and obnoxious for him
to even say that
and wonder why
people still say that

Give me a reason too
say something funny
or don’t be an asshole
hell find me when I’m not
a work pretending not to feel
like garbage and having to
deal with everyone’s shit
with zero clue what the hell
is going on with me and my life

It’s insignificant and unimportant
we all have problems
the least we can do is not
invade the other person’s space
and say something stupid
to piss them off
but the truth is, not everyone can
and are publicly awkward individuals
with no perception of the world
or the people around them
in society
then there’s ones like me
that know and have no choice
but to deal with these people
and they wonder why
we aren’t rays of sunshine

Just my beliefs

If eating animals are wrong, why aren’t eating plants wrong?
They’re living, breathing things too. We don’t know if they think, feel, or speak. Because we can’t hear them, read their mind, or feel their pulse doesn’t mean they’re less of a living thing than we are.

 

I would vote for cockroaches for president before Trump.
Cockroaches can live through wars. If we elect cockroaches as our president, we’d have no other option then to get our shit together or leave the country. Something we need to do but haven’t had anything kick us in the ass yet.

 


What I eat isn’t due to my…
Lifestyle choice, religion, or how I was raised.

I eat what I want, when I want I don’t think that much about it. Maybe I had in the past when I had health/body issues. Obviously, I’m not going to touch something I don’t like or is loaded in fat and grease.

I’m not religious. Me eating not eating meat has nothing to do with me being Atheist, Christian, or Buddhist because I’m not. I’m sure some religions have diet restrictions set in them, don’t ask me because I walked out of my “World Religions” class in the beginning of my college career — it put me to sleep.

My mother raised me to eat right or whatever she put in front of me until I was a certain age. She stopped fighting with me to ‘eat right’ and let do what I want.

 

I think Astrology is a tool to help you understand yourself and people around you, it’s not an exact science or anything to live by.
I don’t care if you believe in Astrology or not — or how much you know about it. If you call me crazy or act like the sun sign is the most important factor in understanding yourself/someone/compatibility, I have little to no interest in talking to you. Closed minded or arrogant people piss me off.

 

I believe past life regressions help you understand where you come from but it’s not by any means, something to take to heart.
There is no evidence to say whether or not reincarnation is real — and you can’t worry so much about who you were or what you did in your past life it’s not who you are today.

 

Who people marry, what they do with their lives, or whatever is none of my concern/business.
We live in a fucked up time period and world where everyone needs to know everyone else’s business because of social media. Before social media, we went about our lives the natural way. Once people were out of lives, they were OUT. Sometimes we’d get a phone call or letter from them if they were anywhere significant in our life. If you “followed” someone the natural way, you’d be stalking them which is illegal.

Let’s pretend this is Twitter

In 140 characters or less babble nonsense…

 

-Dicks don’t solve problems, they create them.

-How many dumbasses does it take to screw a light bulb? None because they’re too stupid to figure it out!

-I wish I was drunk right now.

-Why are people so fucking stupid?

-Motherfuckers, stop emailing me! I’m not in college anymore!

-Thanks for the invitation, but you’re aware I don’t like you and still don’t give a fuck?

-I rather masturbate than have sex with you.

-I’m getting high off caffeine.

-My hair is yellow.

-Why does my butt look weird? I need to get my eyes checked.

-Two face lifts, plastic tits, and you’re still ugly? Go buy yourself a personality. Bitch.

-The point in life is to get drunk.

 

#Annoying #ExBoyfriend
999

Can I hang you? #DontTextMe #Whoareyou
ooo

tumblr_mcvsxo00su1qejsjco3_r1_500

 

Against.

Those who

Spread bullshit

Rumors and lies.

 

Those who

Talk about a person or group behind their back.

No balls to talk to them face to face in person.

 

Those who

Can’t speak, think, or act for themselves.

Need the approval of others.

 

Those who

Purposely indirectly/directly offend us.

Try to play mind games.

 

Those who

Make assumptions.

Don’t care to listen to the person they are judging.

 

Those who

Are more in love with themselves.

Self-promotion comes first.

 

Those who

Make you feel you do not matter.

You are too different to be ‘one of them’.

 

Those who

Don’t care to look at their reflection.

And wonder why someone blowed them off.

 

Those who

Have no problem watching and stalking you online.

Secretly dislike you because what you did, do, didn’t, or don’t do.

 

Those who

Make comments about how you should change.

Ignore you because you won’t, then gossip behind your back.

 

Those who

Hate you because you don’t worship the ground they walk on.

Hate you because you think, act, and speak for yourself.

 

Those who

Think you’re just another idiot running your mouth.

Don’t realize they are the reason you are.

 

Those who

Take what you say or do out of context.

Never stopped to ask you what is going on.

 

Those who

Think it is acceptable to lie, cheat, and steal.

Think it is acceptable to break the law.

 

Those who

Think it is acceptable to cause someone pain.

Think it is acceptable to ignore everything.

 

Those who

Won’t admit when they are wrong.

Continue to pretend they are perfect.