What actually happened in labor and delivery

I called the hospital when I was at work because I kept leaking fluid. They told me to come in because it sounded like my water ruptured. I went in and got checked. I was dilated at a centimeter and half. Not even close to having full blown contractions. But they baby HAD to come out, nothing was keeping her safe inside me anymore. So they gave me some drug to speed up the process. Not even at 4 centimeters, I was crying and screaming in pain. Like full on. Worse than you’d see on any television shows. They couldn’t get me an epidural yet. When the epidural finally came, it took some people to get me to sit still.

Then my contractions didn’t hurt that much. So much to the point when I had to push, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I haven’t had a kid before. Some time in they discovered my pushing wasn’t effective because the epidural worked too well. Then they lessened it and all hell broke loose. Then came the crazy crying screaming lady — again. This time I was saying ‘lord Jesus Christ’ and ‘leave me the fuck alone’ at a catholic hospital! I’m lucky they didn’t kick me out in the street! The nurse kept making me move in weird positions and put a ball between my legs. At one point I was pulling a rope with my legs wide open.

2 hours and 17 minutes later at 7:59AM… she came. I was in labor all night. I went from having one nurse in the room to being surrounded by a bunch of people. I remember the doctor pulling her out by the head. She said ‘it’s a girl’. She was purple and had a cone shaped head. They brought her over to some bed thing to check her. She was crying the entire. The doctor said I needed four stitches. At that point I didn’t care. I was watching her and the doctors. Then they told me to push out the placenta. That was fast and painless. But I wondered why they waited to stitch me up first? It was sent over for cultures because I had a fever and tested positive for GBS at my 35 week appointment.


You thought that was brutal? Nope the fun began after she was born. She had jaundice and we had to go to the doctor the day after went home then every week until it was near away. She was only born two weeks early and considered full term but apparently it was a huge ordeal where her body wasn’t mature enough to process her food. And then all the crying… and fights that broke out between her father and I.

I tried to breastfeed and pump. I had no production issues. I had engorgement issues — I had to pump every 2-3 hours. It became too much for me. I had digestive issues from something and so did she. Instead of playing Russian roulette to figure out what the hell it was, I stopped. I can tell you, I don’t miss constantly leaking everywhere or having enormous size tits that hurt and don’t fit in my bras!

My body, though. I lost 20+ lbs the first week after I gave birth. I only have stretch marks. It’s true you do bleed for a while after you give birth. I bled for about 7 weeks. I wasn’t back working out like I was before I was pregnant until 4 weeks postpartum. Probably only once in my life I listened to a doctors advice. He told me because my pelvis was so opened, I was more prone to infection and injury and shouldn’t go run a marathon or do anything crazy. When I did go back, I can tell you I could hardly do a sit-up. I didn’t realize how much pregnancy took from my back until I tried to lift my body up. And running? Haha. My boobs wouldn’t allow it. They hurt. Not period hurt. Hurt like someone was trying to pull them from my body. So I had to ease back in. In a few weeks I was back to myself… before.

And my doctor said I would start my period in a few weeks after my appointment last month. Here it is over a month later and nothing. I know some people it can take longer but help me god, I better not be pregnant again.

Welcome to postpartum

I thought being pregnant was bad. I was wrong.

Pushing a 7 pound baby out was bad. Lot of blood and some stitches involved. Nobody told me she was coming 2 weeks early. I had a pretty healthy pregnancy with no complications.

Then she comes. I hear she has jaundice and do everything in my power to reduce it. I did everything the doctors told me to do.

Feed her every 2 hours. Get no sleep. Feel completely worthless and exhausted. This is my first.

Wish my husband would go back to work. He keeps trying to pawn her off to his parents. His mother acts like she is hers. Well then, you deal with all the fussing when she eats and the shitty diapers at 3am. She’s only around when she’s sleeping or when it’s convenient to her schedule to make herself look good.

Here comes the PTSD or what it feel like, night sweats. Like having inflamed boobs constantly and a bleeding vagina wasn’t enough.

Then I watch my mother’s boyfriend before she died write everyone a petty goodbye message. Some ‘father figure’ I haven’t spoke to him since Christmas and he never once asked me how I was when I was pregnant. Didn’t even know when I was in labor. My actual father did and surprisingly showed up at the hospital.

And the newborn. Most people don’t understand that we really are on a schedule with her right now because her condition. Everyone wants to see her. Everyone has questions. Nobody respects our privacy.

Third trimester myths

You’re going to gain 5-10 pounds a week, I did.

I stopped gaining weight actually like 3 weeks ago and lost a bit — probably fluid, my doctor isn’t concerned.

They say at this point the only thing ‘gaining’ is the baby and you might actually lose some.


Your hands/feet are going to swell really bad.

Had I had any swelling, maybe. Not enough for me to notice or to stop me in my tracks during the day. Does it mean other people make it up? Absolutely not. Everyone and every pregnancy is different.


You probably won’t notice if you lose your mucus plug or you’ll lose it the hospital when you give birth.

Not true. I lost my plug yesterday at the gym before my workout! I’m 37 weeks.

You should start feeling more contractions after you lose your mucus plug.

Maybe for some. I have the same old Braxton Hicks. It just means now they can come and will whenever they want too.


You’re going to be super tired.

Still doing what I normally do. The only thing is, don’t talk to me when HOT and HUNGRY. I’m moody as fuck.


The baby’s movement is going to stop.

No. Maybe less because they’re cramped. At every appointment they still ask me if she’s moving!

My life at 36 weeks

At this point she’s already dropped and head down. I have Braxton Hicks every day. Now I have to go to the doctor every week. My cervix is 50% open and I’m 1/2 centimeter dilated. My doctor said it could be any time or a couple weeks which to me literally means nothing. Active labor doesn’t start until 3 centimeters and I’m not having any ‘real’ contractions yet.

Baby is coming. When I don’t know but within the next month. I have yet to pack my hospital bag and unpack my stuff in our ‘apartment’. I’m still working and my doctor hasn’t taken me out of work. I tried to ask for a note to go on unpaid maternity leave and I got nowhere — makes me wonder if I need it? I’m still going to the gym and using ‘boring’ cardio machines. I actually joined a new one Sunday that is across the road where I live and isn’t going to charge me through the roof. It only sucks she won’t be able to go with me until she’s 2.

And I’m getting sick of the ‘you’ll be too tired’ to anything after she’s born comments. While that may be true, I don’t need nor want to hear it. AND the labor stories. OKAY because YOUR water broke in the hospital doesn’t mean my will. Or because YOU carried your first for 42 weeks, doesn’t mean I will! Everyone is different!

Because I’m pregnant

I don’t get special treatment
no one holds the door open for me
people increasingly like to cut me off when I’m walking

People at work
still expect me to do everything
like I have been
I still got frowned upon my
nosey coworker when I take a break
though she takes multiple

People I’m associated with
through marriage more so expect me
to worship the ground they walk on
and kiss their ass
and talk shit about me when I’m
on the other corner of the room
or behind my back

Strangers say ‘congratulations’
as a way to greet me

People at the gym need to comment
on how impressed they are
I workout or point at my stomach
like they’re 4 years old and they
haven’t seen a pregnant chick before

Acquittances need to greet me
with how big I’m getting
like I don’t have eyes and an mirror

My husband is still my husband
and will fight with me regardless
I don’t have ESP

There’s not a day I’m not either
invisible, in the center of the floor, or someone’s target

And some of them want to see
pictures or the baby
and I’m thinking, you know
pregnancy hasn’t affected my memory
or ability to put
one and two together
y’all treat me
like shit or talk shit about me behind my back
and you think for a second or two
you try to kiss my ass,
it’ll change anything?
I might be blonde but
I’m not a fucking idiot

All this time I have kept to myself
kept my I don’t give a fuck persona
and dealt with you crazy people
treat others how
you want to be treated
they say
if you were pregnant,
would you want to deal with this?
I’m glad (not really) I’m bringing a child in this world
full of hypocrites but
she’ll know the truth

Life at 31 weeks

I’m done, I’ve been done being pregnant for a while! I don’t know how or why my mother did this six times and delivered each one naturally! (She had the same frame as me but 4 inches shorter than me.) I feel and look like a blimp. Now it hurts when she sticks out. The punches and kicks, not so much but that could change.

I already had to pee a lot, now it’s just worst. If I have to go, I have to go. If I wait, it will make my uterus hurt. The last thing anyone wants is a UTI. I got one not pregnant by holding my piss in. Those aren’t fun and hurt like hell — and antibiotics suck.

I’m still working. My doctor told me she won’t take me out of work unless I have complications or high blood pressure. Sometimes I need to sit. I feel like I spend 70% of my time at work now taking a piss. I can’t drive home from work without feeling like my ribs are sinking in. And certain seating positions make my back hurt.

I look in the mirror and think I’m getting fat or my body dysmorphia from junior high school is back. Comments from strangers (mainly 40+ years old) about how I’m getting big, am big, or too small do not stop. They do nothing for me but piss me off and think, you wouldn’t say that to any other person that’s not pregnant. But because I am I’m supposed to deal with it and take it as a compliment though it’s not! I’d rather you greet me about my shoes! Then she sticks out and I’m like, it’s probably mostly her or I hope so. I learned what kind of music and food she reacts too.

Modern day violin and piano covers are her thing. I don’t mind, I don’t like classical music either. Her favorite is “My heart will go on” on YouTube by Taylor Davis. It makes me wonder if I should make her first name Rose instead her middle name. I won’t though, I’ve already set my mind. I wonder if she’s going to be more musically gifted than me. Then I could say musical talent skipped 3 generations. My great grandfather was a musician and influencer. I just hope she tries to enjoy more things than strawberry Frappuccinos and sour cream and onion chips. She moves when I have it like it’s the greatest thing on the planet.

Behind the scenes is chaos and frustration at home and work. It’s a miracle that I don’t have high blood pressure. I’ve been waiting for months to unpack my stuff and have space with my husband at the so called ‘apartment’ being worked on. To the point I think she’d come out and we’d have nothing ready. She’d have to live out of suitcase like me.

Work wise, I probably have to consider what I say online. Though my report was anonymous and if he did go against me, it’d hurt him more. I know my employer is being investigated and not just for me, but a series of violations. I will get paid family leave when it’s done but obviously he’s not going to be happy in the process. It’s not my fault he didn’t have a policy in place and pocketed all the money from his employees. If you have a business you should keep up on all the policies, taxes, and safety regulations. Once the state is involved… they have the power to shut you down.

She has her baby shower this Sunday. The only thing I’m looking forward to is the cake and the 3 people I invited that are going. I’m going to be again, surrounded by strangers that need to comment on my appearance. Then some fakeass relatives on my husbands side and friends of friends. Another time I wish I could be drunk or high at a party/event and can’t. It just means we’re getting closer and hopefully everything will be set soon.

What the hell is going on

I am 28-29 weeks pregnant. Physically I am fine. I get some discomfort in my ribs when I sit, some acid reflex, and have to take multiple bathroom breaks. Mentally I’m trying not to lose my shit. It seems like everyone and everything is testing me.

I almost can’t go anywhere in public without some older person staring at me or pointing at my stomach. Okay, I know I am 7 months pregnant and it’s obvious now. You don’t need to point it out or act all impressed that I’m still active as I am. My doctor hasn’t pulled me from any activities yet. I secretly wish she’d pull me from work so I don’t have to deal with this extra other shit anymore too. But if she does, guess what? I don’t have disability or paid family leave though it is taken out my paycheck when I get paid! My employer is pocketing the money. He wants to pay me under the table when I go out for 2 months because he knows if I went and filed my forms that could get him in serious trouble. But I know, everyone knows he can’t be trusted to follow through on his obligations and don’t like to pay people. You know, he had a serious of lawsuits against him and fights with employees about paying him. There’s no doubt in my mind he can’t be trusted. He could try to fire me or cut my hours if I try to go after him. It’d seriously not help him and would turn into a bigger suit.

That doesn’t mean, he can’t go try and fire me for something else. There’s no a security camera on back where people take their breaks. That’s also illegal. If you been here long enough, that seriously doesn’t surprise you. You know about the number of people that work or have worked here that did drugs or had sex on clock? A lot more than you even want to think about.

I live in America. I shouldn’t have to even think about all of this. This guy isn’t from here and operates about 17 businesses, probably also illegally and unfairly. He just wants more money and to keep it all. I’m over here thinking, I’m having a baby in about 12 weeks and I’m going to have nothing when I go out. This guy has been taking my money and everyone else’s.

Meanwhile, I say nothing on social media about it. Bust my ass every single day so no one says how I’m not doing my job and blah blah blah. Trying to figure out my next move. I don’t need every single person I come across in daily life on my back or up my ass for one reason or another.

Life at 26 weeks

‘How are you?’ I’m fine. I wish people would stop asking me that. It seems to be the greeting these days. I don’t know why they ask, it’s not like I’m going to tell you if I was doing terrible.

My girl is moving a bit more and seems to respond to me touching her and some sounds I play on the music box. She woke me up at 4am Sunday moving all over place. I think it’s because I was a bit hungry. She’s also active around times I eat like she knows food is coming.

The movements don’t bother me. They feel weird when I touch them or see a tiny bump stick up in my stomach. It bothers me when she wants to fuck with my bladder. Especially when I’m working, all I can feel is this pressure then I have to piss.

My back and ribs hurt sometime at work or when I’m driving. Mainly because the seat I sit in sucks and there’s not much I can do besides walk around and suck it up.

I don’t like how I look or how I feel in this body. I know I’m building a life and bla bla bla. I’m just not comfortable in the skin I’m currently in and it’s not my own. It’s exhausting to think day by day what I can, cannot or shouldn’t do. Before I didn’t have too. Now I have to think of the bigger stuff and deal with other changes in life.

Have to think of money. I don’t get paid maternity leave. I’d work as long as possible I have no other choice. Student loans are going up. Gas and everything else is going to cost more because I live farther away from shit now. I can get paid family leave but that only pays 55% what I make now. And I am currently living out of a bag in my husbands parents house. Our apartment isn’t finished and they hardly even started. My current relationship with my husband is another story. I think he constantly tells me he loves me because he knows I’m not happy and feels some sort of guilt. I sometimes wonder if I’d be better off by myself. Hey, my mother basically did it.

Things I’m realizing

You thought you were surrounded by fake people, watch more come in.

Bla bla bla. Stop. You and I never had any sort of relationship behind acquaintances that hardly talked but now you’re ‘super excited’ bla bla bla want to be best friends. Yeah okay. Last I knew you never said a single word to me and/or talked about me behind my back.


Most people you do interact with are genuinely fake and just say things.

‘I’m so excited for you. If you need anything…’ Here it goes again. We never exchanged a word or more then two words. That’s complete bullshit. I never bothered with you before, why would I seek your help now?


People you don’t have a relationship with develop in their mind you do and ultimately your baby is like their baby too.

‘How is my baby doing?’ What do you mean your baby? Who are you anyway? I know your name, it’s been mentioned but we never met. Just because you have a relationship with my husband in someway, does not mean you have one with me or that you’re going too! I’m not trying to be rude but it’s the truth. Last I knew I’m the one going through this and I’m the mother.


EVERYONE wants to give you baby shit more like clothes.

Clothes are affordable and it’s not like I can’t get them anywhere, I can. Like STOP already trying to give me shit your kids or somebody else’s kid wore. I have no issues in that department. If you wanna help send me check or the big items I have to get. Though I probably wouldn’t like it either because I wanna pick out my baby’s shit!


Creeps are still going to be creeps.

‘Hey wanna come over and send me pics?’ Yeah because my pregnant ass feels like going over there and getting raped? And I’m just dying to take nude pictures of myself, especially for you. Haha. I’m good.


Most people don’t know you’re pregnant.
If you wear a sweatshirt it’s not obvious of if they see something they just think you’re getting fat. And they’ll continue to make rudeass comments like ‘why don’t you smile?’ Well, why don’t you stop trying to ram into my stomach?

How I knew it was a girl

What myths were true?
Well, I did have really bad nausea in the first trimester. Throughout the day, all day! I did everything in my power to make it stop. I had a few episodes I threwup at night after work.

Bad nausea is supposed to deal with your hormones rising and less with the sex of the baby.

I did crave sweets and couldn’t stand a lot of salt/butter. (Still crave sweets from time to time, I’m not a cupcake person but now I apparently am!)

It doesn’t mean you can have a boy with a sweet tooth.

I lost hair on my legs and armpits?
I know it has to do with hormones but what I thought is, okay; if I’m having a boy wouldn’t my testosterone levels raise and make me hairier? So maybe it’s not…



From the moment we talked about names, it just felt like Ava Rose was going to happen. And the fact we couldn’t agree on a boys name!

Every time I smell smoked or grilled food I want to throw up. From the second it happened, I was like; yeah it’s probably a girl that hates that shit like me and has to make me sense it stronger.

I went to store just browsing around and wasting time. I picked up a pink bunny and thought, this will be the baby’s first stuffed animal! But if it’s a boy…I’d have to come back and get the yellow chick.

The first dream I ever had about kids was about 10 years ago. I had a girl and a boy. The girl appeared to be older than the boy. So of course, I believed the girl would come first!

My mother said you’re going to have a kid in a year (after I married) before she passed. And it’s going to be ‘just like you’. Help us all if that’s true, I was a lot to handle!

And of course, the scan showed it with certainty after waiting 19 weeks to see if I was insane or not. It’s a girl.