Whatever

They say

Slow down
and tell an actual story
stop running your mouth
there’s not enough details
and you’re too weird or vague
nobody can relate

 

They say

You eat too much
you don’t eat enough
why can’t you be more ___
what is wrong with you
why don’t you care
why don’t you post anything on Facebook

 
 
Whatever

Walk Away

I could say hello but I’m not interested in small talk
seeing your number makes me want to vomit
seeing your face makes me want to bash it in a million pieces

 

I could explain why I stopped talking to you out of the blue
but I refuse to be interrogated for something I didn’t do

 

I could rant on and on about the things you said and did
that no other man, a stable respectful man would do
you want to say it’s part of your culture or religion
if that were true, you give your people a bad name

 

You don’t listen or take a clue

 

I told you numerous times
you and I would never work out
I don’t like high heels
I don’t want your hands around my neck
I don’t appreciate the comments about
you having a threesome with my younger sister and I

 

I would never convert to Islam
or make an effort to learn your language
you forced high heels on my feet like I was
Cinderella and you were Prince Charming
(yeah, right)
you choked me and slapped my face
you showed me a knife and made a joke
about taking my life
I saw less and less of you
you began to stalk my younger sister and
her friends on Facebook
I told you that was the last straw

 

I told you I didn’t like you as much as you liked me
you proceeded to ask me out
I walked away without answering your requests to see you again
or answering your question, “Do you have someone else?”
I responded, “None of your business.”

I drive by his house

Not by choice

It is the fastest route to get where I am supposed to be

It saves time, money, and energy

I live in the country

If I were to take to fastest route, I would have to drive in my town

to take the highway

I don’t have the time to search for a different method

It would be a waste of my energy

— he’s not that important

 

If he was that important

He wouldn’t have let me go like that

He didn’t like what I wrote in the final text I sent it

I made it clear what I wanted

He rejected but still wanted to be my ‘friend’

‘Friend’ meant fuck buddy

I decided enough was enough and I shot my mouth off

In a second, he was gone

I haven’t heard from since

 

But I get to see his house

when I drive to that city

That place it all happened

That place I hate with a passion

That place I wish I could erase

from my mind

But I can’t

A year later I got the ‘privilege’ of going back there

to study

(I got accepted in all the schools I applied too.

I just had to pick this one, probably because my mother.)

Not what I wanted

But I had no choice

But to sacrifice enormous amounts of money I don’t have

time, energy, and my well-being

 

For what?

What is the point?

 

So I can re-live what happened

again, again, until I go insane?

Or to put him in his cardboard-box shaped house

where he belongs.

He doesn’t belong with his motor vehicles and cars

He is immobile

He is stuck in that place

I am not

I am driving

Valentines Day.

I don’t want…

Flowers, a card, chocolate, or jewelry.

Flowers die.

The words on the card aren’t written by you.

Chocolate makes me fat.

A necklace or ring is pretty.

I will wear it once and forget about it.

 

I want…

 

Something from YOU.

Make me a card, write me a poem, paint me a picture, make me dinner

— I don’t care.

It comes from YOU.

Not something from the store.

It means nothing.

 

Spend TIME with me.

Away from all responsibilities.

You don’t have to spend money, we can go for a walk.

We can even give each other massages all day — I don’t care.

 

All I want.

All I need.

Is YOU.

 

Remind me why we fell in love in the first place.

It wasn’t influenced by anything commercial or generic.

It was two people, us…

Who let our walls down.

 

Useless, disappointing.

I try every day to talk

you got nothing to say

If I express anything

I think or feel

you don’t listen

 

Try to kiss your face

you grab your hand

and push me away

 

I can’t hug you

I can’t kiss you

I can’t tell you this bothers me

you never listen

you never care

 

Week by week

I cry laying in the bed

next to you

you move my body

towards yours to see

if I’m crying

yet you never ask me why

 

You continue to ignore me

 

That isn’t the worse thing

being around you

 

It is the fact

I can’t talk to anyone

about this

I have to put on a face

and pretend everything

is alright

 

I know they don’t like you

I know they don’t understand

why I’m with you

I’m nothing like you

I am just trying to fix

something I can’t fix

 

I’m not happy

so here comes

the breaking point

Yet again

I’ll pretend

I’m not drowning

 

It’s ashame I don’t care

enough about myself

to say this is useless

and disappointing

 

I am sure there

will come

a day

 

That Girl

Looks nothing like me.

She’s a more attractive and less annoying version of me.

Probably because she’s an image. 

 

We never met, probably because she would tell me to go fuck myself.

Scratch that, she wouldn’t say that because she knows I just might.

Then, look at me like I am fucking stupid.

 

Sounds nothing like me.

How I speak in public and how I speak and real life aren’t the same.

Public I’m more awkward and quiet.

In reality, my voice is more annoying.

 

Short conversations and inappropriate conversations only.

Guess that is how the person behind the image rolls.

 

Who knows.

I don’t know.

That girl.

Behind the photo.