Curious questions


What do you do?

What do you mean? I don’t sit around and write poetry and manuscripts. I have a real job and I’m a mother. 

Why don’t your parents watch your daughter?

My parents are dead. When my father was alive he wouldn’t, he was gambling and wandering streets. I only saw him a few times a year. 

Do you have other family? 

Five siblings spread all over the place. I know what you’re going to ask me and the answer is no. It’s next to impossible for them to see my daughter and even me. 

What happened to your parents?

Is this an interrogation about my family or you’re trying to stick your nose in places it doesn’t belong? My mother died of cancer in 2017. My father was hit and killed by a car the day before Thanksgiving in 2020. 

We didn’t know you were applying to be a cop. Why? It doesn’t seem like you. 

Do you know me? No. I’m bored with my life and I found an opportunity and applied. Also, maybe it has to do with my mother. She was a security guard and I thought she was a cop when I was little because she chased some bad guy and got him arrested. 

Blah blah blah blah blah. Why? How? 

What? I wasn’t paying attention. I strongly suggest you back the fuck off. You don’t know me or what I’m capable of. 

Stories type app games rant

It’s our escape from all the shit online in and real life. Why the hell do we need to buy gems or passes for choices? For a stupid outfit or hair, really? And all the featured stories are lame or boring. Then we read COMMUNITY stories written by different people instead and we’re expected to PAY gems every TWO chapters. It wasn’t like that before. If you’re trying to rank stories try having a stars or thumbs up option. And the authors gets gems or money for every positive hit. It’s ridiculous. What was a fun game is no more. No wonder why you’re losing people.

“Sexy smart lady”

he said. He’s so impressed by my life choices from what I drive and up and leaving workplaces. Haha. Is that supposed to charm my pants off and make me want to sleep with him? It doesn’t. We’ve done it before — several times. We even tried dating each other open and ‘exclusively’ a handful of times.

So what? We’re ’friends that talk and never see each other’. Why? I’m a mother. That’s the only thing that’s changed between us. He may flirt but I don’t even respond with anything suggestive or serious. Why play the game 20 year olds do? We’re in our 30s.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t like him. Obviously I do if I’m still talking to him after all this time. I never wanted to give him false hope. He was the guy I saw everytime I was conflicted over someone else. I never picked him though. He thought it was because he wasn’t enough. No, it’s because some things aren’t meant for you. We’re better off as ‘friends’.

‘You’re calm and not a weirdo’

she said staring at my blonde hair. I can say I’ve never heard those two words in the same sentence at a job interview in my life, ever.

I’m thinking, you think I’m calm? Yes. I’m in public and at an interview, of course I am. I’m only batshit crazy at night when my husband pisses me off. It’s honestly not hard to piss me off, I’m an expert at hiding it and either walking out or exploding if it’s serious. But let’s not talk about it.

I’m in my early thirties, by now I know how to carry myself and read people. It’s not rocket science. I am weird. I don’t pretend but I also don’t go around batshit either. I’m up before sunrise and go to the gym or run. I only drink iced coffee. I have a Bachelors degree and nothing but shitty jobs to show for it. Let’s not talk about the stories I self-published, my past, or family. And especially not anything that goes on in my head…

Always the one

aware of my surroundings
know whose watching
and doesn’t care

I’ll come in
and leave on my clock
why the hell do I have
to wait for everyone else?
I don’t

I’m nothing special
but I’m also not one
you can play or fool
all are imaginary strings
that don’t exist

so you’re right
I won’t last long
I’m not a puppet
I am the one pulling
the strings you think exist
you expect me to
kiss your ass
and worship the ground
you walk on? not going
to happen

I may still have
no clear direction
where I’m going
but I know this
1. Fuck you.
2. I’m not a servant.
3. There’s a million other things I could be doing.

Honest Article

Here’s pictures of random shit anyone can find on the internet: ____

I got this idea by staring at my ceiling. Really. I have two dream catchers hanging in my room.

I going to word vomit the obvious because you’re talking about paying me for my work.

I don’t know nothing more about this topic. I would love to leave you some pictures and links and you can look at it yourself. Who reads literary magazines anyway?

I don’t but I’m thinking about creating one. Haha. I’m a dumbass but I love being in control – of my fucking life and work. It’s no wonder I left my last job. I’m not a ‘yes man’.

I’m probably not going to be your intern either. More like, I’ll be looking for interns in the future if I expand. I have my own website. Why do I need to write shit on some man’s website? Because he MIGHT pay me. Haha. Next.

The best note I ever left

‘I should not under any circumstances deal with passive aggressiveness every time there’s an issue with my daughter… not a coincidence when something happens and the next day, another petty thing.’ I left the damn keys in the closet with my uniform shirts and left without a word. Few hours later she asked me when I’m returning from lunch. I didn’t respond.

My best attempt at still trying to be ‘professional’ and straight to the point before I walked away.

What I really meant? Haha, prepare yourself.

The review I read about having to be a “yes man” to work there is true. I’ve been biting my tongue and fighting my urge to fucking leave for six months now. I do my job so fast and well you’re busy looking for stupid shit because you’re bored. Cobwebs? A little dust in a corner? A tiny mark on the toilet seat? Really!? You know the only people that find those things are looking for it or OCD!

Anyway, your problem with me is I didn’t “Hello” or “Good morning” most of the time. Why the hell would I go out of my way to talk to you? I don’t give a shit if you’re my ‘supervisor’. It should be nice when I do it but not expected all the time. Then, well my daughter is sick. Not Covid. Not something I made up to call off of work. You had kids you should know how that is. It’s not like I called off to get out of working. If you didn’t believe me you could have requested a doctors note. Did you? No. Instead you’re all blah blah blah you’re ‘too fast’ and I want you to do more boring detail work.

‘And also the fire extinguishers…’ listen you dumb bitch I’ve told you months ago what was going on with them. And I’ve also been doing the same shit the past six months. Now it’s an issue because I called off for my daughter!? Really? REALLY!?!?!?!? Someone was on a power trip AGAIN because something didn’t go her way. And I’m permanently done being some fucking servant for slow boringass people.

“We married our first love,”

said some broad from a 90s show I heard but didn’t watch. She also said that’s why they were divorced or not happy. Then I can’t help but think of my first love.

To be honest, I don’t even know. I’ve been in and out of love numerous times in my life. So it makes me wonder, what is the legit feeling? The feeling of being ‘in love’ fades whether you’re with someone for six months or years.

I think back to when I was seventeen and ‘in love’ with this guy from Argentina. I talked to him for years and he helped me get over my middle school crush I blamed for my eating disorder back then. ‘He liked a model and it wasn’t me, I’m blahblahblah’ teenager garbage. Long story short I eventually met him and my mother sent my big brother to kick his ass. She was pissed I met someone off the internet. We still snuck around and talked. We were going to runaway to NYC and get married. My dream was to be a model (HAHA) and he wanted to be director. He asked me to marry him and even started working on my ring.

I’m not sure what happened next but I guess, I developed a crush on a college boy and he was history. Then I had one relationship after another, sometimes with multiple people, and told him about it. So, we still talked only as friends and occasionally do to this day.

Now I’m married and have an one and half year old. He’s still single but I guess he’s happy in whatever country he’s in doing photography. My dream is and always been writing and editing. It’s crazy to think it’s been fourteen years.

Manipulation 101

Do your work, mind your business
Nobody suspects a thing.

Lie correctly
I’m not talking about ‘I got to go wash my dog’ excuses few people may have already picked up you don’t have one. Think of something that’d actually be true in your life.

Keep everything clean
What does that mean? What I said. If you have zero tracks people will believe anything you say whether they know you or not.

Think before you speak
Obviously, if you’re trying to come across a certain way or want to remain a mystery — pick and choose what you say or don’t.

Why are you doing it?
If you have truly ill intentions, it will blow back in your face. If you’re doing it to cover your ass for other valid reasons, okay. Or maybe you don’t want to be seen, so what. Nobody will know but you and maybe a therapist if you ever seek professional help.

And of course
Keep a low profile. Don’t engage with people unless you have too although small talk is torture.

Anger issues

Slow people
Hurry up or get the fuck out of my way

Slow drivers
MOVE or I’ll make you move I’ve already planned out every scenario in my head

WTF did you call me!?
It’s one thing to say my name wrong, another to give me a nickname without asking me if anyone calls me it! You have a death wish? I’ll plan your funeral Kenny. Not your name? HAHA piss off.

“Hi, how are you?”
“The weather…”
“How was your day?”
BLAH BLAH BLAH. Enough with the fucking small talk. I don’t like you. I don’t want to speak to you. Fact, I don’t like anyone in this dump. It kills and drains my soul having to be fake nice to you mindless kissasses.

‘Why do you leave early?’
Because I don’t want to fucking be here. It’s also bullshit I’m constantly early and none of you idiots can be on time.

‘My friend I think you need to let me fuck you, you’re obviously not happy’
HAHAHAHA. I already fucked you numerous times in the past. It’s not life changing. I don’t have issues there. And I wondered why you’re still single — not.

Sometimes I wish I was single
I’m basically alone it’s too much work listening to a big whineass everyday

And no that’s not why I’m like the way I am so piss off