I’m not trying

I’m married
I have a baby
my everything life
is going despite
the coronavirus bullshit
do I wonder, ‘what if?’
though all these
things happened
with him
before the others

‘What others?’
I’m not getting into it
but I had no problem
telling him
the people I was seeing
besides him
he’s even seen my artwork
nobody else has
but still
he wasn’t just a person
I was sleeping with
he was my friend
everytime shit hit the fan
I went to see him to talk
even if he had
other intentions
I didn’t care
he saw me for what I was
never fed me lies
but questioned every time
‘why I never picked him?’

some things you won’t forget
like the times he
forced himself upon me
and recorded it
and the threesome he tricked
me into

‘You enjoyed it’
he said
I did not
being an aggressive prick
doesn’t make anyone want
to stay with you

‘But your husband is’
he can be
when he’s pissed off
who isn’t?
but he knows what
‘Fuck off’ means

Old friend

“I love you.”
You’re nuts.

“It’s been a long time. I still listen to you.”
You’re bored with your life. If you’ve physically been here you’d want nothing to do with me.

“Let’s make a deal. You get divorced, we get married. We’d start a new life.”
If you can handle I’ll have other boyfriends and lovers. We’ll just be roommates.

“I’m fine with that. We both win. I get to be a US citizen and you get to be in LA. Away from all of it.”
Yeah unless you get attached and you probably will.

“We have to fake it for the immigration people. I don’t care what you do. I also want sex. Don’t give me STDs.”
With sex comes emotions, sometimes. That’s not really part of the deal.

“So you’d fall in love and give me kids. You’d stay faithful.”
We’d have pretty mixed babies.

“But you have to leave to my country first after you settle for divorce.”
Ha. By then it wouldn’t be worth it. You could just get a green card.