Atypical

white rich man
dresses in suits
drives some expensive
sport car that sucks
in the snow
has Trump stickers,
hats, signs, etc
all over his office
to vote for him
because you don’t
like or trust the other candidate
is one thing but to actually
full on support and like him
is another… in my opinion

I’m forced to go in
each morning
and collect his trash
I can tell he never
brings anything,
always orders
I did too, when I worked
at a mall with disgusting food
who am I to judge
no one

Exactly my point
you’re old enough
to be my father
I don’t want any
stupid flowers or
awkward conversations
and interactions with you
cut the chase
no, I’m not going there
with you
I’d sleep with the man
moving all shit around
before you
and he doesn’t even
have a car

Odd questions at work

Do you have a razor blade?
Yes, I totally come to work and shave my business! Not.

How tall are you?
How tall does it look? I’m not short or tall. I’m boring average.

Do you have any tissues?
Nope. Let me not check my bag or car. Still no. If you’re sick, should you really be at work with what’s going on?

Where can I find windex?
Have you tried the store or Walmart? I’m not packing that either.

You’re pretty, did you take my money?
I don’t sell shit, so no. If you’re applying you’ll pay me $1,000+ for a stupid chair maybe I should reconsider.

How long have you been married?
3 years next month. Means nothing. We’d been together 8+ years. Why? You’re not my type. As if I really have a type, I don’t… very minimum he can’t be slow.

What is your relationship with the owner?
I have none. A few interactions here and there.

Have you ever pissed him off?
Not yet, or that I know of. I’m not trying to get fired or my hours cut!

Odd fellow

What did you have for lunch? Pumpkin donuts. Yeah, real healthy I’m aware. I’m too lazy and careless to bother with anything else.

Are you on Facebook? I have one but I don’t use it. I’m only tagged in videos and pictures of my daughter. Who seriously asks that these days? Are you gonna friend request me? Haha.

How long have you been married? It’d be three years in October… Why?

How long have you been together? It’d be nine years in October. Why? Is it because I look young? We met in our early 20s, we’re 30. No we didn’t stay together the entire time, we went through on and offs and ups and downs.

What’s his name? What is this the third degree? Are you the police going to investigate him? Or just nosey?

What does he do for a living? He’s an accountant. More like a puppet that hits buttons on a computer all day. Exact opposite of anything and everything I do.

Has he met the owner? No. Why the hell?

Things that annoy me at work

People asking me questions like I’m the tour guide of the city

Though I say, “I don’t know. I don’t live here. I’m not from here. I just work here.”

 

People asking me dumb questions like “Where can I buy a gallon of milk in the mall?”

Seriously? There’s a Walmart, Wegmans, and Target down the street.

 

People that don’t belong in our break room are in our break room!

Imagine if a Burger King employee showed up in the back of McDonalds to hangout. That would never happen. Should be the same concept for every workplace.

 

Coworkers that take breaks and try to hide it — and get bitchy when others take multiple breaks too.

I don’t have a problem with people taking breaks. I have a problem with the sneakiness, everyone knows — and the hypocrisy and bitchiness.

 

Someone that’s not my coworker but owns a place that’s in the place I work in

Some people you just don’t vibe with because they have an offsetting creepy persona. He’s been told numerous times not to talk to me but he continues to bother me every single day.

He returns

He asks me
what do you drive
what do you do
where do you live
when am I going to see you?
I don’t respond
he tells me nothing about him
all I have is images
of fifty shades of gray
in my head
I thought if I wanted that
I would have chose him
but I didn’t

Weirder survey

Have you ever danced with a girl?
Yes, in college.

 

How often?
A couple hundred times.
 

Why?
There were no guys in my classes or in the club I was in.

 

Did you enjoy it?
Most of the time it was awkward as fuck.

 

When was the last time you danced with a guy?
When I was 20 and at a club in Texas, I felt his small dick touch my ass.

 

Did you have sex with him?
Hell no.

 

Do you miss him?
No? I hardly remember his name. I think it’s Hunter?

 
Do you miss me?
Who are you?

Crazy Ex saga cont.

Text messages

 

Him
Hey

 

Him
Hey, how it’s going?

 

Him
Hi

 

Him
?

 

Him
Sandra

 

I ignore and delete all the messages, I’m 2-3 hours away with my boyfriend.

 

Him
How is your day going?

 

Him
Hey

 

Him
Hi, how are you?

 
Him
Hey

 
I ignore and delete all the messages. He has no idea that I left nor came back from my trip or so I think.
 

A piece of metal magically appears in the tire in the morning, someone did it over night. It had to be him, he was the one who pointed out a screw in the tire and marked it red in the summer time. Had I caught him or had evidence it was him, I’d go after him for that and other things. He can’t take no for an answer and if you ignore him, he tries to destroy you. The true image of an abuser and psychopath.

Weird survey

Do you eat plastic?
No but I chew on it.

 

What is your political party?
Other.

Please specify: I don’t care.

 

What is your sexual orientation?
Other.

Please specify: Whoever I like.

 

Where do you think the country is headed?
Hell.

 

Do you own a raccoon?
No but have you seen my makeup after a wild night?

 

Do you eat tires?
No but you saw that video too?

 

Are you married?
Are you single?
 

May I have your number if any other opportunities arise?
No because I haven’t seen your picture. I don’t know if I would sleep with you.

Question marks “???” texts

Everyone is blowing up my phone with questions marks this week it’s as if I have some obligation to return every message they send me, I don’t. I haven’t met/don’t know half of the people sending me these messages. They are people who are interested in me sending me questions about my day and life.. I don’t like being questioned by no one, especially by people I’m not interested in. I can’t straight out say, “Hey, I’m not interested lose my number.” I tried saying that earlier this week, it backfired. The person called me on my cell phone and sent me additional texts apologizing for bothering me. Yet, they continued to send me messages like ‘Hey’ and ‘What’s up?’ I didn’t answer any of those.

Then I feel bad because they’re wasting their time and I’m not interested in them the way they’re interested in me. I wish they would find someone else that wants to talk to them. I figured if I didn’t respond to any messages, they would get the message. Like ‘I don’t feel like talking right now’ or ‘I’m not interested’. Then I feel like I have some other obligation to explain to them why I don’t want to talk and why I’m not interested. I shouldn’t have to feel obligated, it’s not right.

For one, I don’t even know most of these people. Another thing, there is no rule that I have to be glued to my phone and answer every person that messages me. I only have to speak to people who are actually in my life. If your not, well send someone else question marks…