Odd questions at work

Do you have a razor blade?
Yes, I totally come to work and shave my business! Not.

How tall are you?
How tall does it look? I’m not short or tall. I’m boring average.

Do you have any tissues?
Nope. Let me not check my bag or car. Still no. If you’re sick, should you really be at work with what’s going on?

Where can I find windex?
Have you tried the store or Walmart? I’m not packing that either.

You’re pretty, did you take my money?
I don’t sell shit, so no. If you’re applying you’ll pay me $1,000+ for a stupid chair maybe I should reconsider.

How long have you been married?
3 years next month. Means nothing. We’d been together 8+ years. Why? You’re not my type. As if I really have a type, I don’t… very minimum he can’t be slow.

What is your relationship with the owner?
I have none. A few interactions here and there.

Have you ever pissed him off?
Not yet, or that I know of. I’m not trying to get fired or my hours cut!

Weird survey

Do you eat plastic?
No but I chew on it.

 

What is your political party?
Other.

Please specify: I don’t care.

 

What is your sexual orientation?
Other.

Please specify: Whoever I like.

 

Where do you think the country is headed?
Hell.

 

Do you own a raccoon?
No but have you seen my makeup after a wild night?

 

Do you eat tires?
No but you saw that video too?

 

Are you married?
Are you single?
 

May I have your number if any other opportunities arise?
No because I haven’t seen your picture. I don’t know if I would sleep with you.