Drunk thoughts #99

I’ve tried man life is fucking dumb and pointless.

This drink tastes like candy I make good drinks.

I’m hot how much shots of everything I put it? Doesn’t matter it’s done.

Haha.

Why don’t you choke me? That’s what I want to do to you.

This is awkward, you’re touching me.

Fine, I’ll take the lead again.

Damn look at me. Fuck you.

Hmmm. What?

Why is my ex asking me if I miss sex with him? I missed something.

Oh the conversation I had sober.

I’m a terrible person.

So.

In the end you only have yourself.

I should have taken the test drunk.

I don’t remember anything you said last week.

It’s still hot in here.

Getting cold and bored.

Bed time.

‘Sexual harassment’ at work

Mandatory meeting, they said.
Why, nobody is getting harassed?
That I know or care to know of.
I know someone called the owner a narcissist and you only do well if
you’re a “yes man”.

I can somewhat see how that’s true
counting the few comments in the passing
or just this weird vibe he gives off
he asked me to be in a commercial
with him, why? I’m not being a
narcissistic but we all know
I’m the most attractive female here
because I’m ‘young’
so why not try to make yourself
look good? I declined
I don’t give a fuck about
‘gaining popularity’
last thing I want is people
coming here and thinking I sell shit
I don’t
it’s bad enough everyone refuses
to ‘do their part’ and disinfectant
the store, nope I was called upon
to do it along with everything else

I’m off subject
only comment someone has made to me
is “damn” and looked at my ass
he’s ‘special needs’ and has
no idea when he’s being inappropriate
is that an excuse, no?

I almost gaged at the part
‘don’t have sexual relationships at work, have them outside if you’re both consenting it’s not harassment’
why? Gee, perhaps I had sexual
relationships with men at a job
not here, the men are all boring
or too old
one of the few times I take pride
nobody has a clue about
my past or who I am
thank god

Odd questions at work

Do you have a razor blade?
Yes, I totally come to work and shave my business! Not.

How tall are you?
How tall does it look? I’m not short or tall. I’m boring average.

Do you have any tissues?
Nope. Let me not check my bag or car. Still no. If you’re sick, should you really be at work with what’s going on?

Where can I find windex?
Have you tried the store or Walmart? I’m not packing that either.

You’re pretty, did you take my money?
I don’t sell shit, so no. If you’re applying you’ll pay me $1,000+ for a stupid chair maybe I should reconsider.

How long have you been married?
3 years next month. Means nothing. We’d been together 8+ years. Why? You’re not my type. As if I really have a type, I don’t… very minimum he can’t be slow.

What is your relationship with the owner?
I have none. A few interactions here and there.

Have you ever pissed him off?
Not yet, or that I know of. I’m not trying to get fired or my hours cut!

What things mean before & after you marry

“Pay attention to me”

Before
I want to cuddle/have sex.

After
You’re not listening. Shut up. Why don’t you give me a massage anymore? Let’s cuddle. Nevermind, I’m bored let’s have sex and fall asleep.

 

“I’m fine”

Before
I’m not telling you what’s wrong. I guess you’ll see.

After
You should know what the issue is. I’m quiet because I’m pissed. Anything to say or do after this point may or may not be held against you.

 

“I’m not happy in our relationship”

Before
I’m not convinced you’re the one for me and need reasons to stay.

After
You’re walking on thin ice, be careful.

 

“You have pretty eyes”

Before
I really think you do…

After
I want something.

 

“How much money do you have in your account?”

Before
I’d never ask you that.

After
I want you to make my car payment.

 

“How much did you spend on that?”

Before
It looks cheap/expensive.

After
You better not have spent too much. If you do, why aren’t you pitching more in for bills and stuff?

 

“I love you”

Before
Nothing, genuinely do.

After
I only say it when I want something.

 

“I’m sick of doing all the work”

Before
Probably actually referring to work.

After
Referring to work, relationship, house, and/or bed.

Reported

his ass and his girlfriend
so they can all hate me
and not my sister
he’s a snake
she does nothing all day
but probably fuck him
in the service halls
who cares
I’m not there anymore

should they remember
I was there first and
with him
haha

reputation proceeds me
I’m sure
but remember I’m also
not the one that said
‘DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR KEYS?
I miss you?’
what about your girlfriend?
‘WHO CARES’
it never happened
it never will

but here we go,
I’ve stumbled upon
another man interested
in my personal life
giving off some vibes
it doesn’t end

Not

your
mother you’re adults
you can pick up
your shit

If you’re going to
be petty I can
return the favor
but I’m too busy
working

No
I’m not in my 20s
yes I look young
and you look old
I’m 30
what is your name
again?
doesn’t matter

No
I’m not sleeping
with the owner
because he’s ‘nice’
to me
isn’t he like that
to everyone?
yes he does pay me
thanks for stating
the obvious
not

Even if I’ve done
my things in the past
ah, no
maybe you’re bored
with your life
and not selling
enough shit

Before March

I said his girlfriend would eventually get a job at the mall with us because she constantly hangs out there all day with her kids.

And I said when that happens you can bet your ass I’m out of there. Yeah, before they decided to tell us when they were opening I got a new job away from all that bullshit — like we knew I would.

Because I’ve said, there’s only so much corrupt bullshit I will take. I guess I’ve met my quota when great old coronavirus came out and struck our world. I learned to take a great opportunity when it comes across me. You know how many jobs I turned down for the mall? Too many. Was it worth it? Absolutely not. Let’s not get into the owner not wanting to pay workers and me having to sue him when I had my baby for pocketing my PFL. All while all these stores are leaving and they can’t keep up with the requirements to keep running, it’s surprising they gIt the flag to be open. Probably lied their asses off.

Anyway, yeah that’s all behind me. The new supervisor with his girlfriend he probably fucks in all the old places I fucked ‘Dan’ haha. He had an issue with us even talking yet it was okay for him to sexually assault me numerous times with his girlfriend nearby!? The only reason why he got his position is by snitching on my sisters boyfriend and getting him fired. He has no talent or knowledge of the things that need to be fixed in the mall. I guess if you successfully kiss ass and rat on people you deserve a promotion in those places. I guess that’s why now I’m making as much as you and not working there.

The past

doesn’t define us
but helps us better
understand the present
and future
so, people
said or did a lot
of shit they shouldn’t
have been doing
(who hasn’t?)
they shouldn’t be hung
for it but at the same
time, they need to be
accountable and should
have taken into
consideration
hey, this might bite
me in the ass someday
and make me lose things
I’ve worked hard for

that’s why your mother
told you to
“think before you speak”

“I’m…”
“But I was…”
“I wasn’t…”
the world is done
with your excuses
look at everything
going on in the world
nobody gives a fuck
about ‘oh, poor you’
especially when you’re
an adult and have all
this money
while a lot of us
are actually struggling

It’s time to wake up
nobody cares to listen
to your narcissistic bullshit
so go back to flaunting
what you have
crying online
and posting pictures
see how many people
click ‘mute‘
(you won’t know)
or unfollow your ass

Random thoughts

Edit

Edit again.

Another ice coffee or ice tea or Gatorade? Shit I’m almost out.

There’s a sale at Victoria’s Secret, again. Really bad for my wallet but I need a new bag, shirt, pants, perfume, etc because I want it.

I haven’t planned my story app in days too busy on other websites. There’s still NOTHING new.

I’m cold I want ice cream.

Protests? Meh. I don’t care. Don’t throw rocks at my car again asshole. I’ll slap you with a lawsuit.

I sued my employer, what makes you think I won’t sue you?

I have nothing to fear the inside of my mouth. I broke my tooth and it’s decayed.

Why can’t people leave me the fuck alone and let me write in peace!?

Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look at me at all.

Face masks are stupid. This entire thing is stupid.

You remember the times it was a big deal when you went to public places with your face covered? Those days are over.

If people asked, ‘hey, did you test positive for an STD?’ every time you went in public as mush as they did COVID, well…

I’m not looking forward to going back to work.

I’m looking forward to the day I get another job.

The guy in my writing I obviously slept with. Do you need concrete details about that too?

Relationships are stupid. Marriage is stupid too. It’s a contract.

I don’t need to date assholes anymore, I live with one.

I’m emotionally unavailable because I don’t have emotions.

The only person I care about is my daughter.

Hmmm, let me think… No.

He’s hot, I’d sleep with him. Expect for the fact he’s too straight edge.

I don’t have issues in that department. I have issues in the giving a fuck department.

I think the answer is I need new sunglasses.

I need to rethink this selling on Amazon bullshit.

I don’t know what I’m planning to do with my characters in this story. I’m just writing a crime novel.

I’m not drunk. I wish I was.

I really think that much about him. I write about him sometimes. Maybe I need a therapist. Fuck that shit. I’d rather waste money other places.

Agh

I am mad
I’ve tried everything
I could to forget about it
I talked to people about it
I talked to the source,
I ran, skated, focused on my baby, punched a bag, applied to other jobs,
got drunk, seduced my man, slept on it,
and went for a ride
there’s nothing left
for me to do but
move on
and try to get another job
again
what if I can’t?
the vicious cycle continues
it’s easy for me to ignore
everyone but kinda hard
when I’d have to face them
again
and I guess, go back
to my writing and hope
someday it’s enough
to get me the hell out