Things I do well.

Stuff my face with junk.
Chocolate. Chips. Cookies. Ice Cream.


Coffee. Water. Vodka.


At the gym. Outside in the sun.


Fuck. Fucking. Ass. Asshole. Suck my dick. Bitch. Cock.


Not sleep.
Watch videos. Look up stupid shit on the internet.


Have sex.
It’s amazing what a couple drinks can do.


Win an argument.
Call him a fucking asshole. I win. He likes it when I swear.


Get out of a ticket.
Lie. My turning signal just broke. I’m going home to fix it.