‘Tell me about yourself’

First off, my name is pronounced how it’s spelled. It’s not difficult. If you fuck it up numerous times, I have a few choice words for you. And I wonder, did you make it through high school? Nevermind, they’ll let the dumbest idiots graduate not like it makes a difference.

I have no experience in this field at all. I applied to dozens of jobs and I probably won’t remember I applied here. I’m looking for something that pays more. Why? It’s always about money. Although, you know that’s not why I left my last job. That’s complicated. Let’s just say I had enough. And no normal workplace is like that. My current job is not. But obviously, I’m bored and don’t like what I’m doing that’s why I’m looking.

I know you really don’t care who I am or what I do on my free time. You’re just trying to creep and look for clues why I would or wouldn’t be good for the job. Yes, I have boxing gloves in my car, a one year old, and husband. What does that have to do with my abilities? Nothing. It appears I already know English better than your employees. Sooooo…

Not

your
mother you’re adults
you can pick up
your shit

If you’re going to
be petty I can
return the favor
but I’m too busy
working

No
I’m not in my 20s
yes I look young
and you look old
I’m 30
what is your name
again?
doesn’t matter

No
I’m not sleeping
with the owner
because he’s ‘nice’
to me
isn’t he like that
to everyone?
yes he does pay me
thanks for stating
the obvious
not

Even if I’ve done
my things in the past
ah, no
maybe you’re bored
with your life
and not selling
enough shit

Before March

I said his girlfriend would eventually get a job at the mall with us because she constantly hangs out there all day with her kids.

And I said when that happens you can bet your ass I’m out of there. Yeah, before they decided to tell us when they were opening I got a new job away from all that bullshit — like we knew I would.

Because I’ve said, there’s only so much corrupt bullshit I will take. I guess I’ve met my quota when great old coronavirus came out and struck our world. I learned to take a great opportunity when it comes across me. You know how many jobs I turned down for the mall? Too many. Was it worth it? Absolutely not. Let’s not get into the owner not wanting to pay workers and me having to sue him when I had my baby for pocketing my PFL. All while all these stores are leaving and they can’t keep up with the requirements to keep running, it’s surprising they gIt the flag to be open. Probably lied their asses off.

Anyway, yeah that’s all behind me. The new supervisor with his girlfriend he probably fucks in all the old places I fucked ‘Dan’ haha. He had an issue with us even talking yet it was okay for him to sexually assault me numerous times with his girlfriend nearby!? The only reason why he got his position is by snitching on my sisters boyfriend and getting him fired. He has no talent or knowledge of the things that need to be fixed in the mall. I guess if you successfully kiss ass and rat on people you deserve a promotion in those places. I guess that’s why now I’m making as much as you and not working there.

Random thoughts

Edit

Edit again.

Another ice coffee or ice tea or Gatorade? Shit I’m almost out.

There’s a sale at Victoria’s Secret, again. Really bad for my wallet but I need a new bag, shirt, pants, perfume, etc because I want it.

I haven’t planned my story app in days too busy on other websites. There’s still NOTHING new.

I’m cold I want ice cream.

Protests? Meh. I don’t care. Don’t throw rocks at my car again asshole. I’ll slap you with a lawsuit.

I sued my employer, what makes you think I won’t sue you?

I have nothing to fear the inside of my mouth. I broke my tooth and it’s decayed.

Why can’t people leave me the fuck alone and let me write in peace!?

Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look at me at all.

Face masks are stupid. This entire thing is stupid.

You remember the times it was a big deal when you went to public places with your face covered? Those days are over.

If people asked, ‘hey, did you test positive for an STD?’ every time you went in public as mush as they did COVID, well…

I’m not looking forward to going back to work.

I’m looking forward to the day I get another job.

The guy in my writing I obviously slept with. Do you need concrete details about that too?

Relationships are stupid. Marriage is stupid too. It’s a contract.

I don’t need to date assholes anymore, I live with one.

I’m emotionally unavailable because I don’t have emotions.

The only person I care about is my daughter.

Hmmm, let me think… No.

He’s hot, I’d sleep with him. Expect for the fact he’s too straight edge.

I don’t have issues in that department. I have issues in the giving a fuck department.

I think the answer is I need new sunglasses.

I need to rethink this selling on Amazon bullshit.

I don’t know what I’m planning to do with my characters in this story. I’m just writing a crime novel.

I’m not drunk. I wish I was.

I really think that much about him. I write about him sometimes. Maybe I need a therapist. Fuck that shit. I’d rather waste money other places.

Questions I get as a writer

What do you write?
Depends. Do I feel like traveling all over the place? Killing and/or haunting characters? Adding some magic or mind control shit? I like to keep things interesting and don’t stick to anything specific.

How much money do you make?
Let’s just say, I didn’t quit my ‘actual’ job. If you’re a writer or starting out as one, don’t expect to make anything. If you do, it won’t be much.

How many copies have you sold?
Maybe a dozen or more. I don’t know. I don’t look at numbers. I’m an indie writer, not a best seller…

How much of this is true?
Of what is true? Are you referring to the one ‘fictional biography’ I made of myself? Maybe a little, maybe a lot, maybe all of it… I’m not going to tell you publicly.

You’re twisted.
Well, yeah most of us are. I think to be a writer or at least an interesting one, you have to be. You have to be able to put yourself in different places. If you’re not willing to go there mentally, don’t write about it.

Things I’m already over with in 2020

Celebrity makeup lines
We’ve heard it 50 million times now by pretty much everyone.

Makeup. Period.
How many more palettes and foundations does the world need? At least it gives people that aren’t millionaires already jobs.

Waiting in lines to get coffee
I’m too lazy to make it myself but I have a coffee maker!? It’s free to make but what the fuck well I’m bored with everything they sell in stores too.

Marriage. Babies.
Yeah, I’m aware I’m married and have a baby! That’s the point. They both irritate the shit out of me and I wonder why I did any of it in the first place. And no, I’m not even thinking about another!

Facebook
Yeah, the first week of January in 2020 I was gone. It was the BEST decision I’ve made on the internet in my life!

Etsy
Okay, I’ll be fair a lot of people were good crafters and sellers BUT that one, that didn’t respond and try to make me look stupid to get my money — I’m done. I got my money back so they can kiss my ass.

Publishing on Amazon!?!
They take a lot of your profit. And the playing field is huge, obviously. I don’t care if I’m a known writer, I care if I’m making more then $6 when I publish shit.

Election
I don’t know whose running or really care. I may or may not vote. Bite me. All that matters is Trump is out of the office and less an idiot takes over.

My hair
I’ve had ‘platinum’ or ‘near platinum’ blonde hair for years. Natural when I was younger until I hit like 16 — I started coloring it because I didn’t like more roots were darker? I used some natural light blonde product on it with no bleach. Around when I was 18 I was like holly fuck, my hair looks like it’s turning red (a strawberry blonde?) so I started using blonde dye with little bleach in it. And here I am, 30 and seeing those same undertones in my hair. So I wonder… no I’d probably regret it.

A Scorpios mind

Fuck him
I don’t want to fuck him
Fuck it he’s fucking hot I’m hot
All I want to do is fuck
we’re opposites I can’t
but I can fucking fuck him
it’d be intense and hot as hell
maybe I have a sex addiction
it’s not an addiction
I like how it feels
who doesn’t
if people had more orgasms they
wouldn’t be miserable fucks
my coworker is a cunt because
she’s a virgin
being a virgin is boring
who doesn’t enjoy sex?
holy fuck
I’m going to fuck
and suck some dick later
have my partner go down
if he doesn’t somebody else will
I don’t go long without it
in a relationship or not
not everyone can handle me
and they wondered why I had
3 partners at once one time
I’ve been good since
I think
there’s this new person
I want to fuck
if things got sour I would
I can feel he wants to fuck too
I see how he looks at me
If I’m smart at anything
it’s sex
I’d be a sex worker if I could
but I’d get bored
and actually would rather
make money other ways

Things I’m not buying in 2020

More makeup I don’t need
I bought 3 palettes in 2019 and only use a few shades out of 2 of them! It cost me $150 I could have spent on something else!

Music from iTunes
Even if I’m bored in my car, I always have Sirius or the ability to play something off YouTube. At the gym I listen to music on YouTube or watch videos. I have no need to download music anymore…

Another winter coat
I’ve had the same one for a few years now. I don’t see the point in getting something I don’t really want or need for the season I hate the most.

A calendar
My husband got one from work for free…

L’Oréal Paris colorista
‘Semi-permanent’ and ‘will washout in a few washes’ my ass. I did it in the beginning of October and here it is almost December… I still have some green shit in my hair (it was blue for 2 days).

A watch
I don’t think I ever bought a watch? My mother did for me — in the 90s! I have a cell phone that tells me the time. Last thing I need is more jewelry sitting in a jewelry box not being worn…

Life at 31 weeks

I’m done, I’ve been done being pregnant for a while! I don’t know how or why my mother did this six times and delivered each one naturally! (She had the same frame as me but 4 inches shorter than me.) I feel and look like a blimp. Now it hurts when she sticks out. The punches and kicks, not so much but that could change.

I already had to pee a lot, now it’s just worst. If I have to go, I have to go. If I wait, it will make my uterus hurt. The last thing anyone wants is a UTI. I got one not pregnant by holding my piss in. Those aren’t fun and hurt like hell — and antibiotics suck.

I’m still working. My doctor told me she won’t take me out of work unless I have complications or high blood pressure. Sometimes I need to sit. I feel like I spend 70% of my time at work now taking a piss. I can’t drive home from work without feeling like my ribs are sinking in. And certain seating positions make my back hurt.

I look in the mirror and think I’m getting fat or my body dysmorphia from junior high school is back. Comments from strangers (mainly 40+ years old) about how I’m getting big, am big, or too small do not stop. They do nothing for me but piss me off and think, you wouldn’t say that to any other person that’s not pregnant. But because I am I’m supposed to deal with it and take it as a compliment though it’s not! I’d rather you greet me about my shoes! Then she sticks out and I’m like, it’s probably mostly her or I hope so. I learned what kind of music and food she reacts too.

Modern day violin and piano covers are her thing. I don’t mind, I don’t like classical music either. Her favorite is “My heart will go on” on YouTube by Taylor Davis. It makes me wonder if I should make her first name Rose instead her middle name. I won’t though, I’ve already set my mind. I wonder if she’s going to be more musically gifted than me. Then I could say musical talent skipped 3 generations. My great grandfather was a musician and influencer. I just hope she tries to enjoy more things than strawberry Frappuccinos and sour cream and onion chips. She moves when I have it like it’s the greatest thing on the planet.

Behind the scenes is chaos and frustration at home and work. It’s a miracle that I don’t have high blood pressure. I’ve been waiting for months to unpack my stuff and have space with my husband at the so called ‘apartment’ being worked on. To the point I think she’d come out and we’d have nothing ready. She’d have to live out of suitcase like me.

Work wise, I probably have to consider what I say online. Though my report was anonymous and if he did go against me, it’d hurt him more. I know my employer is being investigated and not just for me, but a series of violations. I will get paid family leave when it’s done but obviously he’s not going to be happy in the process. It’s not my fault he didn’t have a policy in place and pocketed all the money from his employees. If you have a business you should keep up on all the policies, taxes, and safety regulations. Once the state is involved… they have the power to shut you down.

She has her baby shower this Sunday. The only thing I’m looking forward to is the cake and the 3 people I invited that are going. I’m going to be again, surrounded by strangers that need to comment on my appearance. Then some fakeass relatives on my husbands side and friends of friends. Another time I wish I could be drunk or high at a party/event and can’t. It just means we’re getting closer and hopefully everything will be set soon.

Life at 26 weeks

‘How are you?’ I’m fine. I wish people would stop asking me that. It seems to be the greeting these days. I don’t know why they ask, it’s not like I’m going to tell you if I was doing terrible.

My girl is moving a bit more and seems to respond to me touching her and some sounds I play on the music box. She woke me up at 4am Sunday moving all over place. I think it’s because I was a bit hungry. She’s also active around times I eat like she knows food is coming.

The movements don’t bother me. They feel weird when I touch them or see a tiny bump stick up in my stomach. It bothers me when she wants to fuck with my bladder. Especially when I’m working, all I can feel is this pressure then I have to piss.

My back and ribs hurt sometime at work or when I’m driving. Mainly because the seat I sit in sucks and there’s not much I can do besides walk around and suck it up.

I don’t like how I look or how I feel in this body. I know I’m building a life and bla bla bla. I’m just not comfortable in the skin I’m currently in and it’s not my own. It’s exhausting to think day by day what I can, cannot or shouldn’t do. Before I didn’t have too. Now I have to think of the bigger stuff and deal with other changes in life.

Have to think of money. I don’t get paid maternity leave. I’d work as long as possible I have no other choice. Student loans are going up. Gas and everything else is going to cost more because I live farther away from shit now. I can get paid family leave but that only pays 55% what I make now. And I am currently living out of a bag in my husbands parents house. Our apartment isn’t finished and they hardly even started. My current relationship with my husband is another story. I think he constantly tells me he loves me because he knows I’m not happy and feels some sort of guilt. I sometimes wonder if I’d be better off by myself. Hey, my mother basically did it.