Forget about it

work after work
they think all I do is
answer the phone
no, I get to pickup
everyone else’s shit
and you know what?
I’m bad at math
I hate math
I hate people
kudos to the few
people who think
I don’t recognize them
or anything, despite
what you think or know
about me, I’ve an
excellent memory

next point, I have none
I honestly don’t care
but this one pain in the ass
won’t leave me alone
never stops teasing me
or being awkward
and I’m not patient
that’s my point
the question is how long?

Woman

I’m not going to
go get the manager
don’t ask me the same
question I just answered
I don’t know what goes
in other departments nor care

stop acting like
you’re going to burst
in tears or set the place
on fire must be
PMS or menopause
can’t relate
I’m a raging bitch
all the time
but better at hiding it

move on
you can’t
you don’t stop talking
at least shut up
enough so I can get
some writing
done in peace
haha
let’s tie this cord
around your neck
and make everything more
then it is
the end

So, he thinks

I would

bang her but no

she’s younger than me

married and has

a daughter 

that’d be wrong 

on many levels 

and I am what?

out of shape 

she could

kick my ass

that’s kinda of hot 

but who am I kidding? 

never

she’s a little too giggly

towards me I can’t send

her the wrong vibe 

I’m not interested 

I like talking to her 

she’s interesting but 

can’t spell my name?

unless she did that

on purpose

how is she a writer 

if she can’t spell?

her titles are fucked up

I can’t find her on the internet 

why?

Missed connection

I never met someone as big as a douchebag as you. You live in a yellow cardboard box shaped house in the middle of nowhere. You go to the bar alone or with co-workers to join the rest of the townies in your area. When we first met you lied about your age. I thought you were four years older than me but you were actually eight. I figured that out when I saw your drivers license on your dresser. You said you lied your age when you were younger to get land and other benefits. You got older and lied so you can get dates with younger women because you had no intention to settle down. Of course, you lied and say you did. You broke up with me a couple of times because you wanted a ‘housewife’ and it wasn’t me. The entire time you were fucking other people and on other dating websites. You used that as excuse to go about your business. I returned the favor and joined other websites. I downgraded you as a fuck buddy as well. I found someone else and forgot about you. Or so, I thought. I miss the fun we had together, no one else was a big douchebag as you. You broke up with me the last time because I spilled your beer and didn’t clean it up. If you’re in the area and happen to see me walking on the street, don’t pull over and ask me what’s up or if I want to see you later like you have once. I mean, I said I loved someone else. Why would it be any different?

You know you had a pretty lame day when…

-You wake up at 6am. You got two hours of sleep last night.

-You consume half your weight by drinking coffee — it is not effective.

-You are pretty sure you’re related to Frankenstein. You hair is a mess. You have bags under your eyes. Your outfit makes you look as weird as you feel.

-You have to listen to a person talk and chew their food with their mouth open — if you walked away or ignored them, it would be rude.

-The most exciting thing you see is a cute dog walking.

-It is cold outside.