What’s his name

he’s tall
he’s jacked
he’s the only one
around here I had a
few conversations with
he knows my name
I don’t know his

maybe it’s
for the best
I know myself
too well
one thing will lead
to another
and that’s that
I have the tendency
not to get attached
but they do
I’m at my point in life
I don’t need that
it doesn’t mean
a thing

Odd fellow

What did you have for lunch? Pumpkin donuts. Yeah, real healthy I’m aware. I’m too lazy and careless to bother with anything else.

Are you on Facebook? I have one but I don’t use it. I’m only tagged in videos and pictures of my daughter. Who seriously asks that these days? Are you gonna friend request me? Haha.

How long have you been married? It’d be three years in October… Why?

How long have you been together? It’d be nine years in October. Why? Is it because I look young? We met in our early 20s, we’re 30. No we didn’t stay together the entire time, we went through on and offs and ups and downs.

What’s his name? What is this the third degree? Are you the police going to investigate him? Or just nosey?

What does he do for a living? He’s an accountant. More like a puppet that hits buttons on a computer all day. Exact opposite of anything and everything I do.

Has he met the owner? No. Why the hell?

Quarantine lessons

You hate it, you’ll miss it when it’s gone
Cannot stand doing nothing? You’ll miss it more when you have to get off your ass.

My husband can’t cut hair
… if only I got on video what he did. He’s never touching my hair!

Fuck it, grow it out
Your hair… my dream of having hair almost down to my ass came true!

Your gym options are
Go to the park, attempt to do a million push-ups and sit-ups, buy some expensive equipment and shove it in a corner of your room.

Might as well cut your nails off
And let them heal before ruining them again in 6 months.

Government is OK
When they give you extra money and unemployment but when they… basically anything else.

You might have had coronavirus
No, that was an allergic reaction to prescriptions in 2020 after a common cold and getting a tooth pulled.

Don’t say coronavirus in public
Unless you want to join the others getting eye rolls.

You’re better off shopping online
Didn’t have to deal with people or wear a mask. Why go to a store unless you really need too?

What things mean before & after you marry

“Pay attention to me”

Before
I want to cuddle/have sex.

After
You’re not listening. Shut up. Why don’t you give me a massage anymore? Let’s cuddle. Nevermind, I’m bored let’s have sex and fall asleep.

 

“I’m fine”

Before
I’m not telling you what’s wrong. I guess you’ll see.

After
You should know what the issue is. I’m quiet because I’m pissed. Anything to say or do after this point may or may not be held against you.

 

“I’m not happy in our relationship”

Before
I’m not convinced you’re the one for me and need reasons to stay.

After
You’re walking on thin ice, be careful.

 

“You have pretty eyes”

Before
I really think you do…

After
I want something.

 

“How much money do you have in your account?”

Before
I’d never ask you that.

After
I want you to make my car payment.

 

“How much did you spend on that?”

Before
It looks cheap/expensive.

After
You better not have spent too much. If you do, why aren’t you pitching more in for bills and stuff?

 

“I love you”

Before
Nothing, genuinely do.

After
I only say it when I want something.

 

“I’m sick of doing all the work”

Before
Probably actually referring to work.

After
Referring to work, relationship, house, and/or bed.

Creeper

How do I tell if someone is just being friendly or something else I can’t another word for besides ‘weird’?

“Hi, how are you?” Okay, so that’s what everyone says. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“What are you doing this weekend?” Nothing spectacular. Only a conversation starter.

“What about this weather?” Yeah, it’s hot out. “I can stand heat, not the cold.” Now I’m getting bored… any reason to talk to me, right? I might be blonde but I’m not stupid.

“Hi…” looks up and down at you.

Maybe it’s my imagination. Wait, why is he watching me? How did he know I went upstairs. Is he following me or watching me on camera? Probably.

Am I in trouble? No. Do I have a creeper on my back? Yes. Let me think… nope.

I don’t do games with men. I played games with men that didn’t follow me around and upfront told me what they wanted. I mean I like some older men but not old enough to be my father, c’mon.

Honest interview

Tell me about yourself.
I’m a grownass woman. I’m married and have a one year old. I come from a history of shit jobs and have a college education. Oh, and I published some books you’ll never read on Amazon.

Why do you want to work for this company?
I don’t. I applied because you pay more per hour.

How much experience do you have in this field?
What you mean pushing buttons? Haha. It’s so easy my one year could do it.

Can you stand for a long period of time?
Have you even read my resume?

What makes you the ideal candidate for this job?
I don’t give a fuck.

Can you tell me more about your last job?
The owner didn’t want to pay me. The supervisor was trying to sleep with me. He knows I slept with a former supervisor and thought maybe I would. Haha. No.

Where do you see yourself within this company in 5 years?
I don’t. I don’t even want to work for you and have all these responsibilities dumped upon me.

Can you tell me about a time you went above and beyond?
For what? To get laid or paid? Lmao. Never. Nobody ever paid attention or gave two shits what I did.

Are you a team player?
Define what you mean. Are we playing a sport? Maybe. Are you trying to dump everyone’s shit on me? Fuck off.

How soon of a notice do you need if we were to hire you?
Soon enough so I can piss people off.

Honest cover letter

Dear whoever reads this,

I have no experience in any of the positions I’m applying for. Why on Earth would you pick me? I’m a good worker better than the vast majority that goes by doing the minimum, gossips, or sits on their ass all day.

‘But you have nothing but a writing and cleaning background.’ Yeah, so I got out of college and never found a writing or editing job in this area. ‘What about online?’ Believe me I looked and continue to do so. Do you know how many of them ask you for money to even see employment opportunities? Many. You don’t even find anything that’s not freelance. If I want to write freelance, I have a blog.

‘So why should I pick you among everyone else that has experience and better character than you?’ So don’t pick me, I don’t give a fuck. If I have to sell myself or change who I am, I’m not interested. And actually, I make as much; if not more chasing around bust bunnies all day.

Sincerely,
Don’t waste my time

Reported

his ass and his girlfriend
so they can all hate me
and not my sister
he’s a snake
she does nothing all day
but probably fuck him
in the service halls
who cares
I’m not there anymore

should they remember
I was there first and
with him
haha

reputation proceeds me
I’m sure
but remember I’m also
not the one that said
‘DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR KEYS?
I miss you?’
what about your girlfriend?
‘WHO CARES’
it never happened
it never will

but here we go,
I’ve stumbled upon
another man interested
in my personal life
giving off some vibes
it doesn’t end

Not

your
mother you’re adults
you can pick up
your shit

If you’re going to
be petty I can
return the favor
but I’m too busy
working

No
I’m not in my 20s
yes I look young
and you look old
I’m 30
what is your name
again?
doesn’t matter

No
I’m not sleeping
with the owner
because he’s ‘nice’
to me
isn’t he like that
to everyone?
yes he does pay me
thanks for stating
the obvious
not

Even if I’ve done
my things in the past
ah, no
maybe you’re bored
with your life
and not selling
enough shit

Random thoughts

Edit

Edit again.

Another ice coffee or ice tea or Gatorade? Shit I’m almost out.

There’s a sale at Victoria’s Secret, again. Really bad for my wallet but I need a new bag, shirt, pants, perfume, etc because I want it.

I haven’t planned my story app in days too busy on other websites. There’s still NOTHING new.

I’m cold I want ice cream.

Protests? Meh. I don’t care. Don’t throw rocks at my car again asshole. I’ll slap you with a lawsuit.

I sued my employer, what makes you think I won’t sue you?

I have nothing to fear the inside of my mouth. I broke my tooth and it’s decayed.

Why can’t people leave me the fuck alone and let me write in peace!?

Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look at me at all.

Face masks are stupid. This entire thing is stupid.

You remember the times it was a big deal when you went to public places with your face covered? Those days are over.

If people asked, ‘hey, did you test positive for an STD?’ every time you went in public as mush as they did COVID, well…

I’m not looking forward to going back to work.

I’m looking forward to the day I get another job.

The guy in my writing I obviously slept with. Do you need concrete details about that too?

Relationships are stupid. Marriage is stupid too. It’s a contract.

I don’t need to date assholes anymore, I live with one.

I’m emotionally unavailable because I don’t have emotions.

The only person I care about is my daughter.

Hmmm, let me think… No.

He’s hot, I’d sleep with him. Expect for the fact he’s too straight edge.

I don’t have issues in that department. I have issues in the giving a fuck department.

I think the answer is I need new sunglasses.

I need to rethink this selling on Amazon bullshit.

I don’t know what I’m planning to do with my characters in this story. I’m just writing a crime novel.

I’m not drunk. I wish I was.

I really think that much about him. I write about him sometimes. Maybe I need a therapist. Fuck that shit. I’d rather waste money other places.