Every call

They’re not picking up, can I try someone else?

*Someone else doesn’t pick up.*

I knew it. They hardly ever answer when I call them. And of course, I’ve to use the same lie every time “they’re with a customer”

I’ll try again later. 

I should have left that phone on night for someone else to deal with. Fuck this shit. 

Can you transfer me to ___ (another business with zero connection to us)?

Can you learn how to use Google? Piss off. 

I’ve been on hold for ten minutes nobody is picking up my call!

You’re bitching at me because? Guess what I’m putting you on hold again because it ain’t my job to deal with this shit. 

Can I have your electronics department?

We sell cell phones now?

I kycyockhxgcyckg koooycotcoogcooycoo *speaks broken English or there’s a lot of noise in background. 

Service? Their issue.

*Person keeps calling back because someone isn’t returning their calls

They’re not fucking working today, on lunch, left early, or actually with a customer. No, I can’t go get them. WTF do you think this is?

Itoyxiycooycoycoycfyc a full story about their issue as if you’re the one to solve it. 

I typically cut them off in the middle. Rude? Yes. I also don’t care. I get multiple calls at once AND work is dumped on me daily. I don’t have the time nor patience to listen. Complain to my supervisor. Oh wait, I can control if you talk to them. 

Man

I am a writer
but I’m not a talker
you want to know
what I’m thinking
I’ll show you
you don’t
you’re afraid
behind that ego
you think you’re
too old
unappealing
and have to be
professional
at all times
let me tell you
it’s a joke
only people
with their heads
up their asses
give a shit

so maybe
you’re right
you’re unappealing
the egocentric
masked clown is
actually insecure
and doesn’t know
how to approach women
and you think
because I’m laughing
I don’t see it
honey, my gift is
seeing

Weirder

The guy went from small talk to asking me about my tattoos — to suggesting he workouts at the same gym as me, next to me. Why? I don’t know. I think he’s messing with me, or is he? He sounded serious when he said he wants to join. Even if so, I probably won’t ever see him. He doesn’t get up that early.

I’m used to men saying things like that because they’re imagining my ass in some tight leggings working out. And there’s nothing hotter than a woman that can kick your ass? He knows I can why is he pulling my chain? It’s fun.

Forget the fact nothing will probably ever happen. It’s so much more fun wasting time and energy playing around with something you’ll never have.

‘But sis you’re obviously attracted to him too’ Attraction comes and goes. It doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with him.

So, she thinks

I definitely have

a type 

blue eyes 

big arms 

black hair 

some facial hair 

only the last

and handful of guys

I rendezvous with 

no wonder why

I’m drawn to him

what will happen?

probably nothing 

but hey, if I really 

wanted it too;

it would

they don’t know

how to react

around you

the ball is in 

your field

So, he thinks

I would

bang her but no

she’s younger than me

married and has

a daughter 

that’d be wrong 

on many levels 

and I am what?

out of shape 

she could

kick my ass

that’s kinda of hot 

but who am I kidding? 

never

she’s a little too giggly

towards me I can’t send

her the wrong vibe 

I’m not interested 

I like talking to her 

she’s interesting but 

can’t spell my name?

unless she did that

on purpose

how is she a writer 

if she can’t spell?

her titles are fucked up

I can’t find her on the internet 

why?

How to flirt with a writer

Who am I? What do I do?

You’re the pain in the ass I’m supposed to call. 

What’s the name of your favorite novel you wrote?

Ah which one?

When do I develop a title?

I always do at the end. 

Right you see I have this story with no title, am I doing it right?

Sure. 

Hi.

Hi. 

Hi. 

Hi. 


What are you thinking of?

Are you jacked? What do you look like with your shirt off? Fuck my life. 

“I like your voice”

he said

I think it’s a lie

everyone should be

sick of me  

I’m sick of listening 

to myself

that’s what I do 

besides deal with people 

petty shit no one 

can be bothered with

all shit I hate 

I don’t know

how I ended up here 

beats cleaning and I 

get paid to 

‘work on my novels’

nobody knows

I stay in my lane

even if I thought 

something was attractive 

about him I sure as hell

wouldn’t say anything

unless we

exchanged numbers 

haha 

not happening 

been there done that 


you should hear my

true voice

yeah, when I’m yelling

at my husband or kid

or the fucking douchebag

driving

His voice

sounds familiar 

not quite like his was 

but too inviting 

I know he’s trying 

to be nice or professional 

yet the way he looks

at me says otherwise 

attraction maybe 

on whose or what end

I’ve hardly had a look

at his face 

he’s tan and has nice arms 

shit

I’m not doing that again 

though desks and empty 

places were fun 

‘Front desk’

I answer the phone the same way every time, “Thank you for calling …. How may I help you?”

Why? It’s easier for me and I was trained to be a robot. I was told I can’t say “Hello” when I answer the phone it’s unprofessional. I said the girl that trained me did. She’s said it right in front of them, they thought nothing of it. Hypocrisy.

I say, “One moment please,” to everyone and put everyone on hold. Why? I direct calls. That’s it. I don’t schedule appointments. I’m not going to dig up information. Not my issue. I often receive multiple calls at once. So you’re lucky you get in. Now shut the fuck up and wait or don’t fucking call.

It’s also not my issue how long you wait or if someone picks up. Hello, people are paged numerous times. One particular person is an asshole and never answers when I page. You get his voicemail. It’s aggravating to me because each time he doesn’t answer it beeps back to me numerous times. Then I again, have to stop what I’m working on.

So no, I don’t just answer the phone. They make me do stupid accounting and sorting shit. Neither I’m qualified for but not my issue.

And I have to talk to EVERY SINGLE person that comes in and screen their temperature. Reads 93.5, 94.7, 93.8, 95.1, etc. Super fucking low and inaccurate but they make me do it. If someone actually had a fever, it wouldn’t catch it. I can’t imagine 93.5 is a normal or healthy temperature?

How to be a ‘psychic reader’

Big secret, I was a ‘psychic reader’ on a foreign website back in the day. Let me tell you, it takes zero experience or knowledge. Although, I mean my longstanding knowledge of the zodiac and New Age practices got me in the first place. (I was basically raised to be? My mother had the books and taught me some things.)

Anyway, it does require you to have the ability to answer a question. Not a simple yes or no, often the answer about their problem or ‘future’ is in the question. So it is necessary to have a STRONG UNDERSTANDING OF HUMAN NATURE. 

Don’t get it? I’ll show you…

“Are we going to have a relationship? He’s an Aries, I’m a Pisces.”

GOING TO? So, you’re implying that you don’t already. My answer is NO. Oh hun, an Aries would have no issues making things official with you — if you were headed that way. You’re too nice.

“When will I get married?”

The fact you’re asking me that tells me either you’re single, desperately want to tie the knot, or bored in life and looking for answers. You WILL get married WHEN you stop looking. 

“Are we soulmates? I’m a Gemini, he’s a Leo.”

Interesting signs. Guess what? It doesn’t tell me shit besides you believe sun signs can predict if you’re soulmates. If they do exist, my answer is NO. You wouldn’t be asking me if you were. You’d be confident in your relationship.