How to be a ‘psychic reader’

Big secret, I was a ‘psychic reader’ on a foreign website back in the day. Let me tell you, it takes zero experience or knowledge. Although, I mean my longstanding knowledge of the zodiac and New Age practices got me in the first place. (I was basically raised to be? My mother had the books and taught me some things.)

Anyway, it does require you to have the ability to answer a question. Not a simple yes or no, often the answer about their problem or ‘future’ is in the question. So it is necessary to have a STRONG UNDERSTANDING OF HUMAN NATURE. 

Don’t get it? I’ll show you…

“Are we going to have a relationship? He’s an Aries, I’m a Pisces.”

GOING TO? So, you’re implying that you don’t already. My answer is NO. Oh hun, an Aries would have no issues making things official with you — if you were headed that way. You’re too nice.

“When will I get married?”

The fact you’re asking me that tells me either you’re single, desperately want to tie the knot, or bored in life and looking for answers. You WILL get married WHEN you stop looking. 

“Are we soulmates? I’m a Gemini, he’s a Leo.”

Interesting signs. Guess what? It doesn’t tell me shit besides you believe sun signs can predict if you’re soulmates. If they do exist, my answer is NO. You wouldn’t be asking me if you were. You’d be confident in your relationship. 

Honest Article

Here’s pictures of random shit anyone can find on the internet: ____

I got this idea by staring at my ceiling. Really. I have two dream catchers hanging in my room.

I going to word vomit the obvious because you’re talking about paying me for my work.

I don’t know nothing more about this topic. I would love to leave you some pictures and links and you can look at it yourself. Who reads literary magazines anyway?

I don’t but I’m thinking about creating one. Haha. I’m a dumbass but I love being in control – of my fucking life and work. It’s no wonder I left my last job. I’m not a ‘yes man’.

I’m probably not going to be your intern either. More like, I’ll be looking for interns in the future if I expand. I have my own website. Why do I need to write shit on some man’s website? Because he MIGHT pay me. Haha. Next.

“We married our first love,”

said some broad from a 90s show I heard but didn’t watch. She also said that’s why they were divorced or not happy. Then I can’t help but think of my first love.

To be honest, I don’t even know. I’ve been in and out of love numerous times in my life. So it makes me wonder, what is the legit feeling? The feeling of being ‘in love’ fades whether you’re with someone for six months or years.

I think back to when I was seventeen and ‘in love’ with this guy from Argentina. I talked to him for years and he helped me get over my middle school crush I blamed for my eating disorder back then. ‘He liked a model and it wasn’t me, I’m blahblahblah’ teenager garbage. Long story short I eventually met him and my mother sent my big brother to kick his ass. She was pissed I met someone off the internet. We still snuck around and talked. We were going to runaway to NYC and get married. My dream was to be a model (HAHA) and he wanted to be director. He asked me to marry him and even started working on my ring.

I’m not sure what happened next but I guess, I developed a crush on a college boy and he was history. Then I had one relationship after another, sometimes with multiple people, and told him about it. So, we still talked only as friends and occasionally do to this day.

Now I’m married and have an one and half year old. He’s still single but I guess he’s happy in whatever country he’s in doing photography. My dream is and always been writing and editing. It’s crazy to think it’s been fourteen years.

Manipulation 101

Do your work, mind your business
Nobody suspects a thing.

Lie correctly
I’m not talking about ‘I got to go wash my dog’ excuses few people may have already picked up you don’t have one. Think of something that’d actually be true in your life.

Keep everything clean
What does that mean? What I said. If you have zero tracks people will believe anything you say whether they know you or not.

Think before you speak
Obviously, if you’re trying to come across a certain way or want to remain a mystery — pick and choose what you say or don’t.

Why are you doing it?
If you have truly ill intentions, it will blow back in your face. If you’re doing it to cover your ass for other valid reasons, okay. Or maybe you don’t want to be seen, so what. Nobody will know but you and maybe a therapist if you ever seek professional help.

And of course
Keep a low profile. Don’t engage with people unless you have too although small talk is torture.

Anger issues

Slow people
Hurry up or get the fuck out of my way

Slow drivers
MOVE or I’ll make you move I’ve already planned out every scenario in my head

WTF did you call me!?
It’s one thing to say my name wrong, another to give me a nickname without asking me if anyone calls me it! You have a death wish? I’ll plan your funeral Kenny. Not your name? HAHA piss off.

“Hi, how are you?”
“The weather…”
“How was your day?”
BLAH BLAH BLAH. Enough with the fucking small talk. I don’t like you. I don’t want to speak to you. Fact, I don’t like anyone in this dump. It kills and drains my soul having to be fake nice to you mindless kissasses.

‘Why do you leave early?’
Because I don’t want to fucking be here. It’s also bullshit I’m constantly early and none of you idiots can be on time.

‘My friend I think you need to let me fuck you, you’re obviously not happy’
HAHAHAHA. I already fucked you numerous times in the past. It’s not life changing. I don’t have issues there. And I wondered why you’re still single — not.

Sometimes I wish I was single
I’m basically alone it’s too much work listening to a big whineass everyday

And no that’s not why I’m like the way I am so piss off

31 rants

I’m in my 30s, I have been since I turned 30 last November and now I’m 31. That means I’m not a fucking kid.

1. I have a fucking kid, if we plan a time for anything I expect you to stick to it.

2. You also have a fucking kid, why don’t you know in advance when you are or are not available?

3. You’ve a lot more money than I do, you can afford daycare or a nanny — not everyone can, get your head out of your ass.

4. I absolutely cannot stand people that have no concept of time.

5. Therefore, don’t waste my fucking time.

6. If there’s anything at all I learned in life is time, it’s more valuable than money.

7. I wasn’t there the time my mother passed, I could have spent more time with her but I didn’t. My job as a mall bitch was more important.

8. Yeah right, I never valued the mall as important. That’s why I did half the things I did there.

9. No I don’t want to be working at boring ass furniture store forever.

10. I’m looking for a new job for a reason that’s not everyone’s business.

11. Keep checking my Instagram stories, I don’t mention anything at all about you.

12. I’m a private person so again, no I’m not going to mention much about my life on social media.

13. Is that a job requirement? I don’t give a shit you’re not hiring me anyway.

14. Excuse me? You want me to leave my full time job for an interview?

15. Unless you want me to leave that job to work for you, it’s not happening.

16. You will work around my schedule as I have to dick around with yours.

17. Yeah, no my child comes first.

18. Part time? I’m an adult. Maybe a college student could survive on that.

19. Don’t talk to me like that. I’m not fucking stupid.

20. I’m fully aware of who is checking my instastories. So my advice is, if you’re stalking me be less obvious.

21. Not like it matters. I’m most likely leaving you in a month.

22. I also can’t stand slow people.

23. People that take forever to respond… take forever to get out of the way… take forever driving… or my order…

24. I’d love to knock the shit out of you but that’s illegal.

25. I love playing police at work because they’re too lazy to check cameras. Not.

26. And here I am doing everything again and they wonder why I’m ‘mad’.

27. Don’t complain about having to wear a mask to the store when you don’t work and have to wear it 40hrs a week.

28. Don’t complain about being broke if you haven’t worked a day in your life.

29. Don’t complain about having to wait for a ride if you won’t even bother getting your license.

30. Don’t complain about the president of you didn’t vote.

31. Most people don’t give a shit so you’re better off minding your business and plotting schemes to get ahead.

What about Scorpio

We are the sign of transformation. People often overlook it or think we’re the sign of sex. Everyone enjoys sex, it’s not only a Scorpio thing!

Evolved Scorpio adapts better than most people and has the ability to transform lives around them. Whether or not they do, depends on who they are or circumstances. It’s not one sign fits all. That’s why less evolved Scorpios or those going through a rough time are more manipulative or secretive than others.

But we are a mystery, it doesn’t mean we’re necessarily hiding anything. It means we aren’t an open book. We’re not going on stage and talking about our personal lives. I mean, unless we’re comedians making jokes about it. We have a good sense of humor. You can hardly offend us unless you make assumptions. We hate assumptions or people that are closed-minded.

You wanna piss us off? Question anything about us. Terrible idea to piss us off actually. It’s like Scorpio has a protective magic shield called karma. You would think they casted a spell on you, no. You think they’re stupid? They know how the universe works.

Scorpio doesn’t give two shits about being popular or liked. Especially when they were in school. They enjoyed not having people hover over them and that they can be themselves with no judgement. Though sure, people probably did. They didn’t care. Life has given them thick skin.

So no, we’re not buying anyone’s bullshit. You’re better off convincing the more naive signs.

‘Sexual harassment’ at work

Mandatory meeting, they said.
Why, nobody is getting harassed?
That I know or care to know of.
I know someone called the owner a narcissist and you only do well if
you’re a “yes man”.

I can somewhat see how that’s true
counting the few comments in the passing
or just this weird vibe he gives off
he asked me to be in a commercial
with him, why? I’m not being a
narcissistic but we all know
I’m the most attractive female here
because I’m ‘young’
so why not try to make yourself
look good? I declined
I don’t give a fuck about
‘gaining popularity’
last thing I want is people
coming here and thinking I sell shit
I don’t
it’s bad enough everyone refuses
to ‘do their part’ and disinfectant
the store, nope I was called upon
to do it along with everything else

I’m off subject
only comment someone has made to me
is “damn” and looked at my ass
he’s ‘special needs’ and has
no idea when he’s being inappropriate
is that an excuse, no?

I almost gaged at the part
‘don’t have sexual relationships at work, have them outside if you’re both consenting it’s not harassment’
why? Gee, perhaps I had sexual
relationships with men at a job
not here, the men are all boring
or too old
one of the few times I take pride
nobody has a clue about
my past or who I am
thank god

“We’re essential,”

he said. Why? Because they now sell appliances? You know, back in the old days people had to wash everything by hand. Essential? My ass. Like the owner will do anything to stay in business. You can bet your ass I’m going to report him if I’m pushed to work if another shutdown happens. Not because I’m lazy. I have a one year old daughter. I don’t want to be out in this shit. Hell, I order everything online. A privilege I know, I’m sorry Amazon workers. You also shouldn’t be out in this shit.

My husband works at a car dealership as a manager of some sort. He’d be sent home. Why? Cars aren’t essential either. You’re sent home by the government, where the hell do you need to go? Exactly. In old times people also took buses, taxis, or farther more horses to get places. Cars are also a luxury.

So if there’s anything you learn at all what is necessary, think of the shit you have and don’t necessarily need. I bet somewhere one of your ancestors is laughing and rolling their eyes at you.

31 drunk thoughts

1. Halloween is on 31 and I’m going to be 31 in a week. Fuck.
2. I’m feeling weird like the first time I was pregnant. No, I don’t have coronavirus bitch.
3. What is this?
4. I had a drink where did it go?
5. Maybe I shouldn’t be drinking if I think I’m pregnant. I don’t seriously think I am. Do I?
6. I’d love to smash some pumpkins.
7. Monday I’m not going in.
8. Bitches would take me back part time.
That’s funny, you know I left?
9. Ironic, because he was trying to sleep with me too.
10. I haven’t ever heard back from them so I don’t know why they’re stalking my feed.
11. Thinking about hiring me? No. Do I look like I was born yesterday.
12. Hmmm maybe I should no.
13. There’s something in my nose.
14. I’m going to be out in about 20 mins.
15. Yeah, I’m waking up with a headache.
16. What is that noise?
17. It’s the sound of me dying again.
18. Maybe I should.
19. No.
20. No.
21. Fuck it. Why the fuck do I care? I don’t.
22. Yes.
23. No.
24. I’m bored.
25. I need to forget everything.
26. This is the wrong stuff.
27. The fuck, sometimes I get so mad and wonder why I stopped smoking weed.
28. Maybe that’s my problem.
29. Who cares.
30. I don’t because I’ve no idea when I’m going to be drug tested.
31. Whose creeping now?