FAQ Bitch I’m 30

How old is your baby?
Currently 6 months old.

Are you having another one?
I didn’t plan the first one. There’s no way I’m even thinking about having another one!

How much do you sleep?
I go to bed after 9pm, I’m up around 1am to feed her, and up again around 4am. You do the math. Sometimes I sleep an hour before I go to work if I’m lucky.

How’s your husband?
A fucking asshole as usual. He got fired for running his mouth. I’m not supporting his ass!

How are you?
What version do you want? A filtered answer or the truth? I’m fine. Nobody really cares how you are, it’s a greeting nobody also cares to answer.

I’m not going to tell you I don’t see the point in shit anymore. I have a headache and I’m probably planning something.

Whats your deal with cowboys, why do you keep mentioning them?
I mentioned them for a few days? Probably because something I was thinking of writing. When I think of the ‘bad boys’ of my past I think of the country men I dated. They liked to drink and not really settle down. A few I had an open relationship, friends with benefits or causal sex deal with. It was nothing but fun.

Oh, I thought you had a crush on one?
Meh. No. For a second I was attracted to someone that reminds me of one. Then I went home and had sex with husband and thought nothing of him.

There’s a difference between crush and attraction. Crush, you think about them a lot. Attraction is when you see them and you’re like, they’re hot. Then you go home and have sex with your partner and think nothing of them.

Why are you married?
He’s an asshole but he’s my asshole. He’s been on this roller coaster with me for 8 years now — 6 dating, 2 married. He can be sweet and thoughtful when he wants — like me.

So you’re cheating on your husband?
No. I’m too busy fucking my husband when I’m not busy with other shit.

Are you high?
I wish. Shit it’s been a while since I’ve been high. Maybe that’s my issue. Haha.

How do you do it?
Do what? The answer is always caffeine.

How old are you?
I’m 30. Still 30 for the next 9 months.

What are you working on?
Another story that may or may not sell. But hey, I keep things interesting and moving unlike most of the population. I’m probably not giving it to Amazon, that’s my mistake. They take most of the little profit you make. You need to go through a real publisher and also sell your shit there.

What is your genre?
I need to stick to a genre? I do whatever the hell I want.

Why aren’t you on Facebook?
If you’ve been following me a while or know me in real life, you know I fucking hate Facebook. It reminds me of family reunions I never go too!

Why isn’t your husband on your accounts/you never mention him?
That’s not true, I do from time to time but nobody listens! Haha. He doesn’t have an Instagram (thank god that’d drive everyone nuts) and I don’t need nor want to put my personal relationship shit online. The only time that shit is cute is when you’re in your early 20s and start dating — yeah, we used to be that couple.

And yes, I’m aware he’s on Facebook. It’s me that has an issue with it. He actually uses it to connect with old friends and family, I don’t. So, he has his own space and I have mine. I’m secure enough in my relationship and skin I don’t even care what he does online. I don’t check any of his shit. He doesn’t check mine.

Honest truth

I don’t know why
I’m writing this
people are taking
fascination with my life
they know nothing about
I’m not what I seem
what is really going on
I can’t talk about publicly
like I’ve said my moves
are being watched by the man
I don’t need anymore
judgements against me
I’m not a criminal
I’m being scrutinized
like I am

I’m not a bad person
though my concept on life
and relationships are probably
1000% different than yours
there’s one thing in my life
I will have to deal with forever
the death of my mother
June 2017
I don’t talk nor write much
about among other things
behind the scenes

My dear

You’re funny
you’re cute
you’ve a job
that’s cool

I can’t be with you
I’m older and more arrogant
than you

I don’t know how much experience
you have but I think I have more
I have a list of things I’ve done
and know what I’m capable of

I will use you like I’ve used the rest
keep you as an option in case
it doesn’t work with someone else
hook up with you once or a couple of times
kick you to the curb and get back with someone else

Nothing you say or do will
change me
break me
convince me
phase me

I don’t care about you
I don’t even care about myself
there’s only a few people I care about enough
to make some sort of an effort not to resort back to old self
some old teachers remind me
I’m only human

Why I avoid you

Behind the doors I hear,

“She didn’t say goodbye when she leaved.”

Excuse me, when is the last time you talked to me?

Last I knew you were speaking of how stupid and bitchy I am and how annoying, rude, and an ass my boyfriend is — behind my back.

You come around here and you ask me if I want to go out and do thing with you — like we are close or something.

That’s funny, when is the last time we texted? Years ago. When is the last time we hung out when I felt you weren’t judging me or trying to start an argument.

The truth hurts. We may be blood but we have nothing in common. Unlike you, I won’t pretend or make an effort. Can’t help I have a low opinion after I witnessed all of this and you seeking attention on social media for years.

Now I sound like an ass just like you all wanted. I am the bad guy because I won’t pretend. So shoot me because you don’t have the balls to speak, think, and act yourself.

Affairs, affairs

“I swear I will never cheat again.”

The second we breakup I call my ex. Even if I told you about it it’s still considered cheating in your head because we ‘didn’t really breakup’ because we got back together.

 

“We are just friends, I gave him my number to talk that is all.”

I don’t text or call him. You know he’s the backup plan if we get in a huge argument or breakup. And this guy knows, he doesn’t care. He continues to text me and I continue to ignore because I’m in a relationship I don’t want to lead him on. I mean I already told him his place with me, he doesn’t get it. So I’m supposed to delete texts, not add a pass code on my phone — can’t block numbers.

 

“This is all talk, I don’t mean it.”

Of course I do. I wouldn’t go out there and act or hit on some guy though. Relationships are clearly not my speciality. I can say all this stuff about them but I don’t know how it’s really supposed to be. A girl can dream. Unless I feel secure I really can’t mean what I say. It’s like reaching for a million dollars I will never have.