Unfiltered COVID thoughts

‘It’s not political people are dying’
Yeah, that’s why the big man is doing little but trying to get us checks. And people spend more time talking about it then anything.

Stop trying to normalize masks.
There’s nothing normal about wearing a stupid cloth on half your face. The only thing it prevents really, is from people smelling your bad breath and seeing you frown.

‘But it prevents…’
It’s not political? OKAY, show me hard scientific facts it does anything.

The last thing I want is for my daughter to grow up with this shit.
There’s nothing ‘normal’ about it. I hope it’s all gone by the time she goes to school. If not, I’d love to quit my job and homeschool here.

No, she is NOT wearing one when she turns 2.
Even if this thing is still going on. I’d rather not take her out in public, like I do now. Besides she won’t do anything but try to suffocate herself with it.

Are you a worker?
If not stop bitching about wearing a mask when you go out in public. An hour or two is a lot different than 40 hours a week.

Go ahead refuse wearing one
but it’s not going to help you get what you want. So your other choice is not go out.

Cancelled in 2020

My job
I was working at
for about 4 years
given the opportunity
to come back
I didn’t
they kept us in
the dark
another one that
pays more came along
I took it

My toxic relationship
with my ex supervisor
no we couldn’t be
professional
he asked me for pics
and I felt like he was
constantly trying to
manipulate and hang
me for not picking him

My gym membership
at that health club
I had for a year
they kept charging us
when they closed their doors
and I can’t help but
remember how rude
the desk people were
and that one old man that
basically singled me out
every MMA class I took

My routine
I got up early to
run or rollerblade
during the pandemic
I didn’t have the luxury
to do anything else in
the morning with
everyone sleeping

All those
opportunities
phone calls
emails
voicemails
unanswered
why?
they don’t fit
like the majority
of these masks
they make us wear

Quarantine lessons

You hate it, you’ll miss it when it’s gone
Cannot stand doing nothing? You’ll miss it more when you have to get off your ass.

My husband can’t cut hair
… if only I got on video what he did. He’s never touching my hair!

Fuck it, grow it out
Your hair… my dream of having hair almost down to my ass came true!

Your gym options are
Go to the park, attempt to do a million push-ups and sit-ups, buy some expensive equipment and shove it in a corner of your room.

Might as well cut your nails off
And let them heal before ruining them again in 6 months.

Government is OK
When they give you extra money and unemployment but when they… basically anything else.

You might have had coronavirus
No, that was an allergic reaction to prescriptions in 2020 after a common cold and getting a tooth pulled.

Don’t say coronavirus in public
Unless you want to join the others getting eye rolls.

You’re better off shopping online
Didn’t have to deal with people or wear a mask. Why go to a store unless you really need too?

Working out at home

Fine
Great
If you don’t have a baby
and a husband stopping you
multiple times
or have to work around
everyone’s sleep
or ‘not too’ loud schedule
I live in a basement
in a duplex
there’s no other place
I can go too
and be left the fuck alone
that’s why I have/had
GYM memberships but
they’re all CLOSED
everything is CLOSED
now we have all this
‘free time’ and we can’t
do much of anything
but go outside,
around the
governments schedule

What is free will?
I don’t know
as they’ve seen
numbers ‘social distancing’
isn’t stopping the numbers
they need to focus
more on a vaccine?
Or who knows
it could be a thing like
chickenpox we all need
to catch it to be immune

Ways body changes after giving birth

Hair
3 months after I gave birth, I noticed a lot of my hair shedding. It’s annoying and disgusting at times. At I point I thought I could be thinning out until I googled ‘postpartum shedding’ turns out it has to deal with hormones, my hair holding onto strands when I was pregnant, and I’ll be dealing with this until the ‘hairs catch up’ until she’s about a year old. Fantastic. Well at least if I braid it or put it up it’s not that annoying.

Appetite
I remember the time I was pregnant and actually got hungry. If I didn’t eat, I’d be in an shitty mood and I won’t get anything done. And now, I don’t get hungry or feel that hunger anymore? I’ve only felt hungry a few times when it’s been hours since I ate. Maybe I’m too busy. Maybe food is the last thing on my mind. I’m not thinking about I should eat this because it’s good for the baby, I need to take my vitamins, I need more… that’s all gone. I’m not eating for two. I sometimes forget I’m eating for one.

Body
Yes, my skin looked a little stretched out after giving birth and it went back in a couple weeks. I’ve lost majority of my pregnancy weight the first week I gave birth. No surprise there, a lot of people do. But it too me a good 2-4 months after the fact to see my ‘pregnancy belly’ go away and lose the few pounds I only noticed on the scale to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. My boobs are completely gone. Hell, they’re smaller than what they were before I got pregnant. That wasn’t a goal in mind, just something that happened.
Would I do it again? Well, I did like the time off. I didn’t really enjoy being pregnant, giving birth, or dealing with a newborn. But she is happy and growing everyday… almost makes it worth me trying for a sibling? Maybe if I win the lottery.

30 lessons in 30 years

1. 99% of the things I do is a waste of time.
2. You won’t make any money doing something you love or you’re good at, people that do are far and between.
3. My ability to give a fuck decreases with age.
4. Almost everyone will pronounce your name wrong even if it is simple, even if you correct them a million times — let them look stupid.
5. If you’re going to spend money on makeup, get something that makes a difference.
6. College was a waste of time and money.
7. I don’t care what people say, there is no cure for cancer. Cancer is a death sentence.
8. Differences in time zones.
9. You probably shouldn’t blow a stop sign in the neighborhood, there may be a cop around the corner.
10. If you know what you’re doing at any dance, kickboxing, or fitness class older women comment on how you should be an instructor.
11. I hate people and I still hate people. That’s why I have a job behind the scenes yet they still bother me.
12. Never wear blue lip gloss.
13. Temporary blue hair color is permanent. It doesn’t matter if it says it’ll washout in 5 days, it won’t! It’ll stay green for weeks…
14. Don’t spend money on nice sunglasses or boots, they’ll get destroyed.
15. Any idiot can bake, expect your husband. It’s called read instructions.
16. DNA is subjective.
17. You don’t know shit about being pregnant or having a newborn until you do.
18. Having a baby hasn’t changed the fact I still think and feel the same way about people and don’t want them around her.
19. The myth, ‘your hair will shed’ months after giving birth is true.
20. The bigger the tattoo, the more it itches.
21. Relationships and people are a dime a dozen.
22. Check reviews before you do anything from buying something to watching a movie.
23. The only thing you’ll ever truly be OCD about in life is laundry and coffee.
24. If you’re desperate for extra money, don’t work cleaning at a gym part time unless you’re confident you won’t get some weird disease.
25. Avoid anything that fells like a sweatshop.
26. Walk away from jobs and people you know isn’t working.
27. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been dancing since 4 or 20, a good dancer can learn anything.
28. Try to avoid construction zones.
29. Mother died with secrets.
30. You don’t know what love or sacrifice truly is until it slaps you in the face.

Postpartum test

If you’re a woman, you’ve only received the Edinburgh postpartum depression test at every postpartum appointment after you had a baby…

 



1. I have been able to laugh and see the funny side of things
As much as I always could

In my normal sarcastic haha go fuck yourself way.

 

2. I have looked forward with enjoyment to things
As much as I ever did

Everyone and everything sucks, is boring, or a waste of time.

 

3. I have blamed myself unnecessarily when things went wrong
No, never

There’s a 1% chance it’s my fault. I hardly screwup, it’s everyone else.

 

4. I have been anxious or worried for no good reason
Hardly ever

It depends, how many people are going to be in my space?

 

5. I have felt scared or panicky for no very good reason
No, not at all

I haven’t heard from whatshisface in a while so I’m good.

 

6. Things have been getting on top of me
No, I have been coping as well as ever.

If you count getting at least 4 hours of sleep every night we’ll, I’m doing fantastic. Sometimes if I’m lucky I get to nap 2 hours a week.

 

7. I have been so unhappy that I have had difficulty sleeping
No, not at all

I need to be sleeping to have difficulty sleeping.

 

8. I have felt sad or miserable
Not very often

I mean it is fall my birthday and my mother’s is around the corner and she’s dead so some things can be triggering… but that’s nobody’s business.

 

9. I have been so unhappy that I have been crying
No, never

I’m generally not happy but I don’t sit around crying. If I did cry once or twice, it’s not like I’d tell you either.

 

10. The thought of harming myself has occurred to me
Never

I only thought about running people over in the road, I’ve only have those thoughts since I got my license 10+ years ago…

What actually happened in labor and delivery

I called the hospital when I was at work because I kept leaking fluid. They told me to come in because it sounded like my water ruptured. I went in and got checked. I was dilated at a centimeter and half. Not even close to having full blown contractions. But they baby HAD to come out, nothing was keeping her safe inside me anymore. So they gave me some drug to speed up the process. Not even at 4 centimeters, I was crying and screaming in pain. Like full on. Worse than you’d see on any television shows. They couldn’t get me an epidural yet. When the epidural finally came, it took some people to get me to sit still.

Then my contractions didn’t hurt that much. So much to the point when I had to push, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I haven’t had a kid before. Some time in they discovered my pushing wasn’t effective because the epidural worked too well. Then they lessened it and all hell broke loose. Then came the crazy crying screaming lady — again. This time I was saying ‘lord Jesus Christ’ and ‘leave me the fuck alone’ at a catholic hospital! I’m lucky they didn’t kick me out in the street! The nurse kept making me move in weird positions and put a ball between my legs. At one point I was pulling a rope with my legs wide open.

2 hours and 17 minutes later at 7:59AM… she came. I was in labor all night. I went from having one nurse in the room to being surrounded by a bunch of people. I remember the doctor pulling her out by the head. She said ‘it’s a girl’. She was purple and had a cone shaped head. They brought her over to some bed thing to check her. She was crying the entire. The doctor said I needed four stitches. At that point I didn’t care. I was watching her and the doctors. Then they told me to push out the placenta. That was fast and painless. But I wondered why they waited to stitch me up first? It was sent over for cultures because I had a fever and tested positive for GBS at my 35 week appointment.

 
After…

You thought that was brutal? Nope the fun began after she was born. She had jaundice and we had to go to the doctor the day after went home then every week until it was near away. She was only born two weeks early and considered full term but apparently it was a huge ordeal where her body wasn’t mature enough to process her food. And then all the crying… and fights that broke out between her father and I.

I tried to breastfeed and pump. I had no production issues. I had engorgement issues — I had to pump every 2-3 hours. It became too much for me. I had digestive issues from something and so did she. Instead of playing Russian roulette to figure out what the hell it was, I stopped. I can tell you, I don’t miss constantly leaking everywhere or having enormous size tits that hurt and don’t fit in my bras!

My body, though. I lost 20+ lbs the first week after I gave birth. I only have stretch marks. It’s true you do bleed for a while after you give birth. I bled for about 7 weeks. I wasn’t back working out like I was before I was pregnant until 4 weeks postpartum. Probably only once in my life I listened to a doctors advice. He told me because my pelvis was so opened, I was more prone to infection and injury and shouldn’t go run a marathon or do anything crazy. When I did go back, I can tell you I could hardly do a sit-up. I didn’t realize how much pregnancy took from my back until I tried to lift my body up. And running? Haha. My boobs wouldn’t allow it. They hurt. Not period hurt. Hurt like someone was trying to pull them from my body. So I had to ease back in. In a few weeks I was back to myself… before.

And my doctor said I would start my period in a few weeks after my appointment last month. Here it is over a month later and nothing. I know some people it can take longer but help me god, I better not be pregnant again.

Pregnancy body

So I gained between the normal 20-35lbs and lost 20+ within the first week of giving birth. Here I am 2 months after the fact and I still look like I did when I was 2-3 months pregnant and don’t want to step on a scale.

Why? Because your skin stretches and it’s unrealistic to expect to return to your pre-pregnancy body quickly. I’m lucky I only have stretch marks on my thighs. That’s all I can say. I can only look in the mirror and at how my clothes fit. The scale tells me nothing.

I don’t buy the whole ‘breastfeeding helps you lose weight’ well, for me it didn’t. If anything, making myself do some weird MMA bootcamp shit did. Judge me all you want. I had to quit breastfeeding though I was mass producing and had no issue making milk. It was too much work. I had to pump every 2-3 hours because my engorgement issues. I developed some digestive issues that my baby got as well from something I ate. And my baby had jaundice and had to eat every 2-3 hours. Like it wasn’t enough trying to lact a screaming baby and being the one and only person to wake up numerous times at night to feed her. (Even with formula, you still have to get up. Now it’s only once a night because she is older — not because how I’m feeding her.)

Four weeks postpartum I was back at the gym doing things I probably shouldn’t have been doing. I had no back strength. I could hardly do a sit-up. I did it anyway. I ignored the whole ‘your pelvis is open’ thing. I did it all based on how I was feeling and didn’t listen to the doctors or other people’s opinion. Was it smart? I don’t know but I made it through. Now my arms are stronger. Could be from working out. Could be from carrying around a 12 pound baby all day. Or both.

Do I worry my skin or body won’t go back to where it was? Maybe a little. My mother had six kids and her stomach was a war zone. Full of stretch marks and some saggy skin. I’m not having six kids so I may not have that. My only goal is to look like I did before I was pregnant or close. I’m the worst example to follow. I don’t know why the hell any gym is considering hire me. Not everyone is insane like me. Not everyone has recently thrown out some girls shoulder sparring.

Worst trainers

I’ve had but a few in my life with the many gyms I’ve gone too. The worst I’d say is slow…

 

He said, “What? You’re too skinny to do sits-ups!? Sorry.”

I don’t know if he was trying to be funny or insulting me. He’s lucky I didn’t tell his manager. I actually didn’t hear him say anything about doing sit-ups. It has nothing to do with my body size. Perhaps if he wasn’t busy speaking to the wall I would have heard him.

 

Slow as fuck.

I know I’m more in shape than my peers that’s besides the story. BUT your dance moves could put a senior citizen to sleep. I’ve never been so bored and distant at a gym until you…

 

Shows up late and unprepared.

“I’m sorry, I’m hungover from last night. Do what you want I have nothing.” Okay, so what is the point in me paying $44 extra a month? I’d be better off going back to Planet Fitness. Hell, I don’t need you — you’re extra.