Quarantine lessons

You hate it, you’ll miss it when it’s gone
Cannot stand doing nothing? You’ll miss it more when you have to get off your ass.

My husband can’t cut hair
… if only I got on video what he did. He’s never touching my hair!

Fuck it, grow it out
Your hair… my dream of having hair almost down to my ass came true!

Your gym options are
Go to the park, attempt to do a million push-ups and sit-ups, buy some expensive equipment and shove it in a corner of your room.

Might as well cut your nails off
And let them heal before ruining them again in 6 months.

Government is OK
When they give you extra money and unemployment but when they… basically anything else.

You might have had coronavirus
No, that was an allergic reaction to prescriptions in 2020 after a common cold and getting a tooth pulled.

Don’t say coronavirus in public
Unless you want to join the others getting eye rolls.

You’re better off shopping online
Didn’t have to deal with people or wear a mask. Why go to a store unless you really need too?

Things I’m already over with in 2020

Celebrity makeup lines
We’ve heard it 50 million times now by pretty much everyone.

Makeup. Period.
How many more palettes and foundations does the world need? At least it gives people that aren’t millionaires already jobs.

Waiting in lines to get coffee
I’m too lazy to make it myself but I have a coffee maker!? It’s free to make but what the fuck well I’m bored with everything they sell in stores too.

Marriage. Babies.
Yeah, I’m aware I’m married and have a baby! That’s the point. They both irritate the shit out of me and I wonder why I did any of it in the first place. And no, I’m not even thinking about another!

Facebook
Yeah, the first week of January in 2020 I was gone. It was the BEST decision I’ve made on the internet in my life!

Etsy
Okay, I’ll be fair a lot of people were good crafters and sellers BUT that one, that didn’t respond and try to make me look stupid to get my money — I’m done. I got my money back so they can kiss my ass.

Publishing on Amazon!?!
They take a lot of your profit. And the playing field is huge, obviously. I don’t care if I’m a known writer, I care if I’m making more then $6 when I publish shit.

Election
I don’t know whose running or really care. I may or may not vote. Bite me. All that matters is Trump is out of the office and less an idiot takes over.

My hair
I’ve had ‘platinum’ or ‘near platinum’ blonde hair for years. Natural when I was younger until I hit like 16 — I started coloring it because I didn’t like more roots were darker? I used some natural light blonde product on it with no bleach. Around when I was 18 I was like holly fuck, my hair looks like it’s turning red (a strawberry blonde?) so I started using blonde dye with little bleach in it. And here I am, 30 and seeing those same undertones in my hair. So I wonder… no I’d probably regret it.

Ways body changes after giving birth

Hair
3 months after I gave birth, I noticed a lot of my hair shedding. It’s annoying and disgusting at times. At I point I thought I could be thinning out until I googled ‘postpartum shedding’ turns out it has to deal with hormones, my hair holding onto strands when I was pregnant, and I’ll be dealing with this until the ‘hairs catch up’ until she’s about a year old. Fantastic. Well at least if I braid it or put it up it’s not that annoying.

Appetite
I remember the time I was pregnant and actually got hungry. If I didn’t eat, I’d be in an shitty mood and I won’t get anything done. And now, I don’t get hungry or feel that hunger anymore? I’ve only felt hungry a few times when it’s been hours since I ate. Maybe I’m too busy. Maybe food is the last thing on my mind. I’m not thinking about I should eat this because it’s good for the baby, I need to take my vitamins, I need more… that’s all gone. I’m not eating for two. I sometimes forget I’m eating for one.

Body
Yes, my skin looked a little stretched out after giving birth and it went back in a couple weeks. I’ve lost majority of my pregnancy weight the first week I gave birth. No surprise there, a lot of people do. But it too me a good 2-4 months after the fact to see my ‘pregnancy belly’ go away and lose the few pounds I only noticed on the scale to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. My boobs are completely gone. Hell, they’re smaller than what they were before I got pregnant. That wasn’t a goal in mind, just something that happened.
Would I do it again? Well, I did like the time off. I didn’t really enjoy being pregnant, giving birth, or dealing with a newborn. But she is happy and growing everyday… almost makes it worth me trying for a sibling? Maybe if I win the lottery.

What he thinks about your hair — from a mans perspective.

Short hair. Are you a scientist? Lesbian? Miley Cyrus? Or are too lazy to comb your hair in the morning?

 

 

Middle length. It’s normal, I guess — if you’re a mother. If your not a mother, what’s your job?

 

 

Long hair. It’s sexy — until it reaches down to your ass. At that point, I’m going to chop your hair off in your sleep.

 

 

Hair color. I really don’t care. Highlights look good, sometimes. If your highlights make you look like a rainbow or skunk — all bets are off. The same goes if you dye your hair pink, purple, blue, or green.

 

 

Hair style. Again, I really don’t care. The messy bun, and I just got out of bed look,  is hot sometimes — all the time though, brush your fucking hair or get some scissors. Other that, whatever you do… Don’t rock Justin Biebers’ hair.