Cancelled in 2020

My job
I was working at
for about 4 years
given the opportunity
to come back
I didn’t
they kept us in
the dark
another one that
pays more came along
I took it

My toxic relationship
with my ex supervisor
no we couldn’t be
professional
he asked me for pics
and I felt like he was
constantly trying to
manipulate and hang
me for not picking him

My gym membership
at that health club
I had for a year
they kept charging us
when they closed their doors
and I can’t help but
remember how rude
the desk people were
and that one old man that
basically singled me out
every MMA class I took

My routine
I got up early to
run or rollerblade
during the pandemic
I didn’t have the luxury
to do anything else in
the morning with
everyone sleeping

All those
opportunities
phone calls
emails
voicemails
unanswered
why?
they don’t fit
like the majority
of these masks
they make us wear

When gyms were closed

I realized they need you a lot more than you need them. Why? You’re their source of income.

I ran, I rollerbladed, hell I’ve even done pushups, situps, core, and kickboxing all on my own. Sometimes I followed a recorded playback but still, I was perfectly capable of instructing myself. And I did, alongside millions of others.

‘But live classes, live classes’ Yeah, that’s perfect for people that LIVE ALONE, don’t have neighbors, a house full of people on different schedules, or a crying get into everything BABY in the background. People will accept that as a new norm but I never will. Because it’s not normal. To tell you the truth, I feel odd about having anyone watch me through the other end on camera in my home. That’s why I shot down a ‘internet model’ job. I value my privacy. If I take a video in my room or house myself, a different story.

So what is? Following the beat to your drum. If that’s you, go for it. You do you, I do me. It’s not personal, it’s called not everyone needs someone to guide them. It’s not everyone has the luxury of doing things whenever the hell they want. It’s highly unrealistic like the virtual world.

Thoughts working out

I’m too tired for this shit
I need more monsters and coffee to get me to wake the fuck up

Who am I going to kill later?
Fuck M*** I’d like to fuck him, not really. He’s fucking gross. I’d rather fuck B*** he’s more attractive.

Leaves me with the fucking kid later
Fuck him

Why does my shirt keep flying up?
Why does tying my shirt do nothing?
I picked the wrong shirt again.

I fucking hate high waisted leggings
why am I wearing them?
I’m too lazy to go through my closet

I’m going to feel this later.
Okay, now I’m getting tired.

I need a nap.
Fuck him. I’ll probably fuck him later.

My hair is in my face
— AGAIN

I’m bored with my hair
maybe I’ll make it a reddish blonde
and regret it

Worst trainers

I’ve had but a few in my life with the many gyms I’ve gone too. The worst I’d say is slow…

 

He said, “What? You’re too skinny to do sits-ups!? Sorry.”

I don’t know if he was trying to be funny or insulting me. He’s lucky I didn’t tell his manager. I actually didn’t hear him say anything about doing sit-ups. It has nothing to do with my body size. Perhaps if he wasn’t busy speaking to the wall I would have heard him.

 

Slow as fuck.

I know I’m more in shape than my peers that’s besides the story. BUT your dance moves could put a senior citizen to sleep. I’ve never been so bored and distant at a gym until you…

 

Shows up late and unprepared.

“I’m sorry, I’m hungover from last night. Do what you want I have nothing.” Okay, so what is the point in me paying $44 extra a month? I’d be better off going back to Planet Fitness. Hell, I don’t need you — you’re extra.

The problems with gyms

I’ve been going to a gym for a decade now. It’s a great place to do your thing for the most part but…

 

They’re disgusting
If you go to one of those more expensive gyms, it’s probably clean. If you go to open of those basic or cheap gyms, it’s not. The locker rooms/restrooms are dirty to the point you notice the same shit marks that’s been in the toilet for weeks.

 

Why? They’re probably understaffed/don’t care.

Let me tell you the week I worked at a basic gym — I was the only cleaner and I worked at night. The manager bombed my phone with texts of complaints throughout the day instead of doing anything about it. Urinals were clogged with literal shit and gum. I kept finding clumps of hair everywhere. I said it was bad for my health and quit (because it was, you had all these germs and shit floating around and I was the only person to do anything about it).

 

Most of them have contracts
You suddenly have to move? They don’t care. You suddenly get sick or have some restriction where you can’t workout? They don’t care. They want their money. It doesn’t matter if you use the facility or services they offer or not.

Hell, when I got pregnant I stopped going to ‘elite kickboxing’ and here I am 9 months in and still paying for it! They said I could have 3 ‘free’ months when I come back. Bitch, it’s not free I had to pay for it! And you probably will require me to sign another contract! Fuck that. I’ll go read up other gym contracts that don’t want to charge me through the roof.

 

There’s different types of gym goers

The ones that only go to the gym to socialize… in the locker room or stand by a person when they workout and talk for a good 30 minutes. It wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t in your way or if you couldn’t hear them. Even with earphones you can!

The ones that pay no attention to their surroundings and cut you off when they walk.

The ones that try to start a conversation with you about your appearance or workout routine… they’re really impressed and don’t appear to get out much.

The ones that smell… everyone sweats okay but not everyone wants your smelly ass in their space.

And the ones that used the locker room as a vanity room and sprays loads of perfume on. We get it, you smell and probably have to go to work after. But what makes you think spraying a ridiculous amount of cheap perfume is going to make you smell better?

 

 

Why can’t all gyms just I don’t know, not be disgusting, have no contracts, or people that need to get in your way one way or another? Because it’s too simple to exist.

Working out pregnant

People look at you
a lot more
like you’re getting fat
but you have a life
growing inside of you
you’re slower
you can’t do
what you used too
without feeling like
you’re going to throw up
or pull something
jump squats
50 burpees
50 sit ups
are not happening
you realize most of those
Instagram pictures
of pregnant women
lifting or running were staged

Thoughts at the gym

What am I going to listen too?
I’m sick of this song.
YouTube.
Okay, I’m bored now.
How much longer?
Thirty minutes is good enough.
Seriously bro why do you have to use the machine next to me?
Judgement free zone my ass.
Why are these creeps looking at me?
Probably looking at my ass again.
Her hair looks fucked up.
God he’s hot.
He has nice arms.
She has bigger arms than me.
She can probably kick my ass.
I think I know him/her.
I’m not from around here, I don’t.
Am I done yet?
This song is annoying.
What am I going to eat later?
I’m tired.
I shouldn’t have stayed up all night.
Sleep aid doesn’t work.
This machine isn’t getting smarter.
This is why I need to do other things too.
Fuck.

Gym Pet Peeves

Here is the thing… I LOVE the gym, it is my second home! But, no home is perfect there is always a few things that bugs you once a while.

 

Locker rooms stink.

Someone sprayed way too much cheap perfume and/or took a massive shit.

 

Locker rooms too crowded.

You just want to get your stuff and leave.

 

People piss on the toilet seat.

Other stalls taken… you have to figure out a way not to let your ass touch that piss. Disgusting!

 

They didn’t wipe off the machine.

You have to clean off their sweat.

 

The steps on the machine are wet.

Someone wore wet sneakers. In turn, your feet also get to squeak on the machine unless you find another or clean it off yourself.

 

People have loud conversations.

One person is on the machine, the other is standing between the machine you are on and they are on. You have to turn your music up full of blast.

Things I love vs. Things I hate — about the Gym

Love

The fact it’s a place to workout! It’s not my bedroom or basement…

Burning off energy. I’m way too energetic for my own good…

It keeps me in shape. Without it, I would be…

The machines. Are fun!

The people. Are workout-alcoholics too!

Like a second home. Everyone pretty much knows each other!

 

Hate

The fact sometimes I have to get up really early to go.

Some days my body just wants to sleep.

It’s expensive as hell!

Changing in front of people.

Drinking out of the water fountain.

Paying for a drink out of the vending machine.