Drunk me vs. Sober me

Drunk

“Want to have a threesome?”

 

Sober

“Threesomes are fucking disgusting.”

 

Drunk

“She’s hot.”

 

Sober

“She’s a ugly slut.”

 

Drunk

“Sure, I’ll suck your dick.”

 

Sober

“Why can’t you suck your own dick?”

 

Drunk

“I only cheated on you once.”

 

Sober

“You broke up with me.”

 

Drunk

“Find a hot girl and maybe I’ll kiss her — and we’ll have a threesome.”

 

Sober

“You have to get me really drunk to do anything.”

I’m looking for:

A hot muscular guy with a big dick.

 

REQUIREMENTS:

 

Lots of money

No history of cheating on a partner

Be okay with me potentially cheating on him

Likes to have a lot of sex

Cannot suck in bed

Ability to cook and clean for self

Must be okay with the fact I don’t cook or clean

Be creative AND athletic

Not in love with Adam Sandler movies

Doesn’t complain or argue

 

BENEFITS:

Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, etc.

Questions you shouldn’t ask

INT. LIVING ROOM — DAY

GIRL (20s) and GUY (20s) sit on the couch in front of the television. Guy takes out his cell phone and strolls through his text messages. Girl looks at him furiously.

GIRL

Who are you texting?

GUY

My sister.

GIRL

Thought you said you don’t have a sister?

GUY

Right, it’s my mother.

GIRL

You said your mother is dead.

GUY

Fuck.

GIRL

YOU.

CUT TO:

EXT. PARK — DAY
Guy and Girl sit on the beach. Kids behind them LAUGH and SCREAM. They stare at each other.

GUY

What were you doing last night?

GIRL

I told you, I was working.

GUY

Then why were you posting Facebook status’ at 4am?

GIRL

I wasn’t! Check the time.

Guy moves closer to Girl. His face turns red, his eyes water.

GUY

Don’t need too, I know you were out with him. Why don’t you admit it!?

Girl backs away from Guy.

GIRL

With who? My brother.

GUY

Your ex. If not, why are you still talking to him?

GIRL

Why are you going through my text messages?

GUY

It couldn’t be because you cheated on me once.

GIRL

You’re dumb.

Girl gets up and walks away.