I can’t stand you. Most of the time we are together, you irritate the fuck out of me. I don’t like sitting around watching television all day. That’s all you seem to like to do. If I wanted to stare at a screen, I would sit in front of my laptop.
I can’t speak to you. In person or on the cell phone, it doesn’t matter. If I try to talk to you about something I am thinking or feeling, you try to convince me it is wrong. I know it’s not wrong, but I am not going to argue. I know you can’t handle the truth. For instance, how about that time I told you how annoying your dog was or how much I hated the winter? You had to raise your voice at me, tell me I am stupid, and try to convince me that your views and ways are right and mine are wrong.
We have nothing in common. You know it. I know it. You try to tell me that I need to be more outgoing and friendly like you. Which is funny, because you are not. You like to think you are because you have a loud voice and love to hear yourself talk. You’re right I am not outgoing or friendly. I am not going to go up to some person and start a conversation, that is not me. At least I am not an asshole, hate people, or judge them based of their appearance. I can’t tell you how many times I had to bite my lip when I heard you call someone a dumb nigger, butch dyke, or faggot. The one time I did call you out for you, you told me I was stuck-up. The rest of the night you wanted nothing to do with me.
You are lazy. You spend most of your free-time sitting in your room playing video games. When you go out, it is to drink. That’s all you do. But, I’m not exactly perfect either. I am in one of those periods of time where money and weather depend on what I do. I can at least say I am doing creative and productive things.
I constantly feel I am not enough. You hardly acknowledge I am in the same room as you. You will put your arm around me when we watch television, that is basically it. You hardly ever kiss me, hug me, or show me any other affection. It must be because I am disgusting, did something wrong, or am unattractive. I could share that this bothers — but in the events it did, it came out as an argument. I don’t like conflict, so I just avoid it. So I stopped arguing, or expressing my thoughts or feelings to you. I no longer see the point. I don’t matter.
I think I am loser. Therefore, I am a loser. There is nothing anyone or anything change do me. I am stuck.
This is a prison sentence. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to be with someone I really can’t stand or love. So why am I? Eventually the clock will run out and I will say, “I had enough.” And it is time to move on..