Never ever

Did I have sex with criminal.
I’m not sure if I knew he got drunk and robbed a gas station before I started sleeping with him. Okay, I did he talked about it — he served his time and was on probation.

Did I have sex with a coworker.
Well, yeah.

Did I have sex with more then one coworker.
Not something I really want to talk nor think about. Let’s just say one of them was terrible in bed.

Had sex with the same sex.
Another thing I don’t want to talk about. It’s not like I planned or enjoyed it.

Date more then one person at once.
3. Why not? It’s not like they cared if they knew.

Cheat on someone.
Not the best thing I did.

Had sex at work.
Of course and to this day, the big people don’t have a clue I did it because I was a good worker, great at hiding shit and minding my own business.

Got caught making out with someone at work.
By a security guard, he thought it was funny.

Meetup with someone at a hotel only to have sex.
Quite a few times. Hey, sometimes that’s the only way you’re going to get it.

Cried way out of traffic ticket.
Yeah, that worked for me for a while until the last time I legitimately blew a stop sign.

Denied catching feelings for someone you were only hooking up with.
Hmmm… I’m not sure. I didn’t really have feelings and if I did, I admit I only fell for one out of the many.

Deleted every single text message.
All the time. It could be a stupid short conversation and still gone. I never was one for keeping conversations on my phone.

 

 
Disclaimer: Got this idea from an App. No, my dear I don’t advise you to do stupid things but you probably will anyway. It’s called life.

A Scorpios mind

Fuck him
I don’t want to fuck him
Fuck it he’s fucking hot I’m hot
All I want to do is fuck
we’re opposites I can’t
but I can fucking fuck him
it’d be intense and hot as hell
maybe I have a sex addiction
it’s not an addiction
I like how it feels
who doesn’t
if people had more orgasms they
wouldn’t be miserable fucks
my coworker is a cunt because
she’s a virgin
being a virgin is boring
who doesn’t enjoy sex?
holy fuck
I’m going to fuck
and suck some dick later
have my partner go down
if he doesn’t somebody else will
I don’t go long without it
in a relationship or not
not everyone can handle me
and they wondered why I had
3 partners at once one time
I’ve been good since
I think
there’s this new person
I want to fuck
if things got sour I would
I can feel he wants to fuck too
I see how he looks at me
If I’m smart at anything
it’s sex
I’d be a sex worker if I could
but I’d get bored
and actually would rather
make money other ways

I published a book

“Hippie Girl” is based on real events from my life. It’s fictionalized for legal and storytelling reasons.

‘Oh, you’re trying to cover you ass?’ Maybe. I mean, I still work at the place all the chaos and illegal shit went down. I recall asking a few people in the story of it was okay I’d use them such as my sister, husband, and mother. All the names have been changed too.

‘Why?’ To respect people’s privacy, legal reasons, and we don’t need the assholes to know I definitely wrote about them!

‘So then, what is it about?’ You have to read it to find out, haha. If you’ve been here awhile you have an idea. All my work together could create a version of this fucked up story.

But basically… this girl, Lila finds herself constantly in weird situations with guys. Her mother’s death definitely didn’t help any. It’s like she replaced one problem for another! Eventually, shit happens and she has to leave all of that behind.

‘Is Lila you?’ Yes and no. Yes, she goes through some shit I did. And no, that’s not my name and she’s a ‘fictional’ character.

‘What does your husband think?’ He wants to read it but I don’t think that’ll be a good idea. We talked about it’s context last night. He seemed to have forgot I had a threesome.

‘Why I didn’t publish it under my marital name?’ Well, for the fact I want to have my private life, private and I’m the only Sandra in this world I know of work that last name. I doubt I’ll ever be that big. But either way, I don’t want to be found! Whereas my maiden name, good luck! I also had this conversation with my mother before she passed and my husband before we married. My mother said, ’it’s your name, do what you want’.

‘What are you doing next?’ Honestly, I don’t know. If you want my honest opinion this story isn’t going to be successful. That’s okay, I knew that. It’s an odd story. Nobody knows who I am. It’s probably not that great. I didn’t even want to write it but it was a monkey on my back. Now the air is clear I can focus on things I actually want to write. It’s not about money. Nobody is paying me shit expect my employer!
 

Twin flame

His sun was my moon
my moon was opposite of his
his blue eyes stared
in the pits of my green
he could do push-ups on me
I could knee him in the nuts

He snorted coked
I was high a couple times
He drank at work
I kept my mouth shut
he was also my supervisor

He called me ‘hippie girl’
said he loved me and wanted
to run away with me
I never said those words
I thought he wasn’t serious
then he got arrested
quit and ran from the cops
without me

My life went on
without him
I had a baby in July 2019
a year after we were
high and drunk at a party
and he said he was
falling in love with me

No, it’s not his
No, I didn’t name
my daughter after him
but time to time I think
how could someone be
insane like him?

Coming out as straight

I’m sorry people on the internet and people for coming out as bisexual in college. I made bisexuality look like a phase because it was for me. Two seconds with a woman I was like ‘this is gross, never again!’ I don’t think it’d matter if I was in a threesome against my will, I’d still have the same reaction!

Vaginas leak fluid. Vaginas sweat and smell bad if you don’t wash them or wash them correctly! Some have more hair than others. If you’re into that, fine. I’m not. I’d rather have a penis that comes in different sizes and colors. Some have more hair on their ball sacks than others. So. Well you don’t have to worry about them leaking any other fluid besides cum in your mouth.

Too graphic? Oh well. I assume most of you are over 18 and can handle it.

I’ve made my point. I am a woman that likes men. I am ‘straight’ ignoring all the screws up in my head lose. Every time I had an affair it was random or some muscular guy with tanned skin and blue eyes. I have a thing for guys with nice arms. Everything else doesn’t really matter.

Oh and I got knocked up after a night drinking margaritas. The millionth time I took plan B it didn’t work. At least I know who the father is, my husband.

Worst sex experiences

I feel like I’ve talked about this in bits and pieces but haven’t covered it completely. And the fact I have no other ideas this was inspired by a podcast I listened and forgot about.

 

You’re a virgin, he’s a virgin
You don’t know what the fuck you’re supposed to do besides penis meets vagina.

So okay, yeah I just laid there and thought, ‘Is this going to hurt? Why doesn’t it hurt? Why is he so hairy? Do all guys have that much hair on their body?’ I wasn’t into it. It was something I wanted to get off my bucket list. I showed no emotion and he kept apologizing because he thought he was doing something wrong. After I was thinking, ‘Okay, may be better with someone else!’ My poor then boyfriend.

 

Period sex
I don’t care what you say, if you have a vagina you most likely tried it at least once! I’ll save all the bloody details and focus on the worst one.

In the shower. It should work right? You don’t bleed in water. Well, it doesn’t work if the guy is 2 feet taller than you and you try to go at it! Then you have to turn the water off to avoid slipping or breaking your neck. That didn’t work either. Then came the bed. I said ‘put a towel down’ he still got coated in shit and it bothered him and our attempts were over. Not all guys can handle it.

 

Drunk anal sex

Let’s just say I was highly intoxicated one night and agreed to try anal with my then boyfriend. I don’t remember how the hell the conversation went about. I just know the second he tried to force it in it hurt like a motherfucker and I screamed! That did not happen… or I think it didn’t anyway.

 

Slapping, choking, “suck my dick”
If you’re into bondage it’s one thing. But another thing if the person you’re sleeping with is not!

I find it to be a huge turnoff when a guy comes on to me sexually aggressive. I don’t like to be hit or choked any time, why would sex be different? It shouldn’t be. I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I did like it with someone else. So the problem was with whom and how hard he did it. And then demanding I suck his dick and chase me around shoving it in my face when I denied him up until I left!

 

Threesome
Some people like it, those that usually consent and plan for it!

I did not. I joked about it and found myself in an interesting fucked up situation. I’ve talked about it here numerous times before. Long story short, I wasn’t into vagina but my then whatever insisted I was to live out one of his fantasies. It was awkward as hell. I played along because I didn’t want to walk 2 hours home. No vagina did not taste good nor was anything I’d ever want to go near again. I didn’t enjoy being told to watch him fuck someone else. I threw a condom at him and told him to go fuck himself. Then he stopped with her and came after me. Forced me down to do it though I was clearly done.

 

One night stand with Small
I call him Small because he had a small penis he didn’t know how to use. Hell, my pinky was bigger and could have given me more pleasure. The day after he invited me over to his parents house for dinner… I met his mom on the second date! We hung out in the living room the entire time. There wasn’t a third…

 

Blowup doll face
There once was a guy I hooked up in random places a few times. One time was the woods. He laid on some wood chips and told me to ride him. My knees burnt and I was a dumbass that kept doing it. He had his mouth wide open the entire time…

‘What about us?’

He wondered
all the times he saw me
and I pretended he didn’t exist
I told him to leave me alone
I was trouble and didn’t know
what I wanted
though we both knew that
was a lie
and I wanted the badass
it wasn’t just psychical
I thought
we had a connection
I loved him
or I said I did anyway
to shot the other guy down
it worked
but he didn’t stop
looking at me
thinking of me
or being hurt
each and everyday
I intentionally ignored
the hell out of him
to push him away
not face the obvious
sexual attraction
and tension between us

Why?
in my mind it was
the right thing to do
I had two much going on
with two other people
last I needed was a third
I thought if I let him go
he’d find someone
that deserves him
that’s not as wild
and unpredictable as me
someone he doesn’t claim

‘led him on’ like I did
though I didn’t
it just didn’t happen
at the time
whether or not it will
that’s for us to decide
until then people will
say and think whatever
the hell they want
so what
we finally started talking again

Am I pregnant?

Something happened last week. I threw up in my mouth just before work. It was a few hours after I had a flat bread pizza. I asked my mother if the sauce was bad and she said it wasn’t, she made it from scratch. Guess my child doesn’t like it. If it is my child and not some alien baby.

The next day, at 6am I vomit my ice coffee on myself just before the gym. Some say maybe I had a bad one or the creamer wasn’t any good. I’ve had my share of shitty ones and none of them would make this happen to me. It should be noted, I didn’t/don’t feel sick; it’s something that strikes me. Yesterday I stopped what I was doing at work feeling like I was going to vomit on the floor and lower back pain. I took my 15 minute break and sat in the break room. The feeling went away. I told my sister and she said “prego”. She asked me what I ate and I said crackers and Mountain Dew. My child doesn’t like it either? I shouldn’t be drinking it anyway.

I don’t think I’m pregnant. Though it’s possible. We’ve gotten less responsible and use a “natural” approach to sex. I won’t lie about it nor discuss what I mean by that. In other words, if it happens; it happens. We will deal with it then and it won’t be the worlds business what we decide to do.

Conversation with an Ex

Went like this…

 
 

Him
Hey

 

Me
Hey?

 

Him
You deleted my number?

 

Me
A long time ago

 

Him
I want to see you, it’s been awhile

 

Me
I have a boyfriend

 

Him
So he doesn’t have to know, we can just hangout

 

Me
I’m good I’m not a cheat and I don’t play that game

 

Him
But he doesn’t treat you well

 

Me
Better than you and you don’t know him

 

Him
Give me a chance this time we will go places and do more things

 

Me
You had your chance

 

Him
I miss you and your tight pussy

 

Me
It’s all about sex with you

 

Him
I want to be more

 

Me
What? You love me? You’ve been persistent in contacting me every single day though I blocked your number

 

Him
You’re good

 

Me
In terms of?

 

Him
Everything

 

Me

 

Him
You miss me?

 

Me
No I don’t love you and you don’t really love me either

 

Him
Yeah, let’s make it more

 

Me
I don’t know about that

 

Him
I miss fucking you

 

Me
Find a whore or blowup doll

Defining Swear Words

ASSHOLE

ANNOYING
SCUMBAG
SOMEONE
HATES
OR
LOVES
ENTIRELY

 

BITCH

BIG
IRRITATING
THUG
CHASING
HOES

 

CUNT

CLUELESS
UGLY
NEANDERTHAL
THAT SMELLS

 

DICK

DUMB
IRRITATING
CATS EATING
KELP

 

DOUCHEBAG

DOGS
OR
UGLY
CYCLOPS
HUMPING
EVERY
BIG
ASS
GREATLY

 

FUCK

FREE
UNLESS THERE IS
CHEAP
KOOL-AID