‘Front end’

“Thank you for calling…”

Don’t fucking call me. 

“Please… blah blah thank you”

It hurts my soul to be fake nice to people. 

“Will you take a note for me?”

Get fucking voicemail like everyone else. I’m not a call girl. You think the only thing I do is take calls? Wrong. 

“You tell him I called.”

Yeah, I literally can’t leave my desk. I’m busy, he’s busy, and I’m not calling him. 

“Tell him I’ll be there in five minutes.”

I’ll get right on it. Dumb bitch. 

“May I speak to the manager?”

No, here’s his voicemail. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. 

“Do you have a Facebook?”

Nope.  

“What about your parents?”

They’re dead. 

“I’m so sorry.”

I don’t need a pity party or your ill attempts at small talk. Next. 

‘Front desk’

I answer the phone the same way every time, “Thank you for calling …. How may I help you?”

Why? It’s easier for me and I was trained to be a robot. I was told I can’t say “Hello” when I answer the phone it’s unprofessional. I said the girl that trained me did. She’s said it right in front of them, they thought nothing of it. Hypocrisy.

I say, “One moment please,” to everyone and put everyone on hold. Why? I direct calls. That’s it. I don’t schedule appointments. I’m not going to dig up information. Not my issue. I often receive multiple calls at once. So you’re lucky you get in. Now shut the fuck up and wait or don’t fucking call.

It’s also not my issue how long you wait or if someone picks up. Hello, people are paged numerous times. One particular person is an asshole and never answers when I page. You get his voicemail. It’s aggravating to me because each time he doesn’t answer it beeps back to me numerous times. Then I again, have to stop what I’m working on.

So no, I don’t just answer the phone. They make me do stupid accounting and sorting shit. Neither I’m qualified for but not my issue.

And I have to talk to EVERY SINGLE person that comes in and screen their temperature. Reads 93.5, 94.7, 93.8, 95.1, etc. Super fucking low and inaccurate but they make me do it. If someone actually had a fever, it wouldn’t catch it. I can’t imagine 93.5 is a normal or healthy temperature?