Footage of an ‘Aquarius moon’ experiencing emotions

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I don’t feel anything. I’m emotionally numb and retarded. The only emotions I know are lust, desire, passion, and anger. I only feel lust, desire, and passion in bed. After I do it there’s nothing there. I’m empty. Someone pisses me off, I turn in 2 seconds to a raging asshole. Do I yell? Not unless I’m married to you. Strangers, acquittances, and co-workers I can forget about just as fast as they pissed me off. But if, I don’t I have some history, relationship, or interest in you — it’s different. I stay mad longer. Sometimes I don’t realize I’m mad until I’m alone in my head. Do anything about it? I try. But sometimes, the physical and creative work I do isn’t enough. So I get drunk and high a bit. It does nothing but get me out of myself. Do I have a problem? No. I don’t think drinking a few times a month or smoking weed once a blue moon means you have a problem. It’s a problem when you use them as a crutch. I don’t. I wish I could but that’s not me. I have a daughter now. I would never put her or myself in that position. I don’t even do those things when she’s around. I don’t judge people but they judge me. I don’t care enough about people in general to care what they’re doing.

What a miserable life

she leads
she hangouts
at a dying mall all day
while her boyfriend works
with her 3 babies from
3 different baby daddies
none of which are her
boyfriend’s

she doesn’t work
she doesn’t drive
if you heard her talk
you’d think she has
no education

other people support her
she waits around for a ride

I see her five days a week
only because I work there

I’ve seen this before
and I wonder if she’s lazy
she doesn’t look disabled
she looks unhappy
like she knows she needs
to rely on other people
a daily basis and does
nothing about it

I’m not happy
but I’m not miserable
I work for everything
I don’t wait on other people
I don’t make excuses
despite the numerous times
I’m shitted on by people
and circumstances
beyond my control
I refuse to let them
change who I am or my course