Do I miss…

Coffee
For a while until it became disgusting.

Ice cream
You kidding me? I still eat it.

Chocolate
… Yeah right like I’d give that up.

Soda
Not really. It’s nothing but sugar.

Alcohol
No. I like my margaritas but I didn’t drink them enough to be like ‘I can’t live without it!’

Marijuana
I lived some 20 something years without it and didn’t do it that much, I manage.

Sex
… I have less interest and desire in it now.

Lifting heavier things
Hell no. It lets me sit on my ass at work sometimes.

Working out
I still do, not as insane I did before — and it kinda sucks having to think about what I’m doing every time.

My clothes
You mean fitting in my shirts and tank tops like I did normally while watching my stomach grow? Yes.

Racist names

White soap

White bread

White cake

White sauce

White cheese

 

Black Friday

Black eye

Black list

 

Chinese bread

American bread

Italian bread

French bread

African bread

Russian bread

 

…etc.

 

(I feel sorry for you bread, nobody understands you. Everyone wants to label you.)

 

 

 

Names for Drinks

Beer

Rear

 

Vodka

Okay

 

Mountain Dew

Do me

 

Pepsi

See me

 

Coke

Stroke

 

Sprite

Right

 

Coffee

Feed me

 

Water

Thunder

 

Powerade

Run and rage

 

Gatorade

Gator

 

Monster

Lobster

 

Lemonade

Lie my age

 

Kool-aid

Kill me

 

Jack Daniels

Jerk me off

 

Wine

Wiener

 

Tea

Pee

 

Red Bull

Me dull