When gyms were closed

I realized they need you a lot more than you need them. Why? You’re their source of income.

I ran, I rollerbladed, hell I’ve even done pushups, situps, core, and kickboxing all on my own. Sometimes I followed a recorded playback but still, I was perfectly capable of instructing myself. And I did, alongside millions of others.

‘But live classes, live classes’ Yeah, that’s perfect for people that LIVE ALONE, don’t have neighbors, a house full of people on different schedules, or a crying get into everything BABY in the background. People will accept that as a new norm but I never will. Because it’s not normal. To tell you the truth, I feel odd about having anyone watch me through the other end on camera in my home. That’s why I shot down a ‘internet model’ job. I value my privacy. If I take a video in my room or house myself, a different story.

So what is? Following the beat to your drum. If that’s you, go for it. You do you, I do me. It’s not personal, it’s called not everyone needs someone to guide them. It’s not everyone has the luxury of doing things whenever the hell they want. It’s highly unrealistic like the virtual world.

Working out at home

Fine
Great
If you don’t have a baby
and a husband stopping you
multiple times
or have to work around
everyone’s sleep
or ‘not too’ loud schedule
I live in a basement
in a duplex
there’s no other place
I can go too
and be left the fuck alone
that’s why I have/had
GYM memberships but
they’re all CLOSED
everything is CLOSED
now we have all this
‘free time’ and we can’t
do much of anything
but go outside,
around the
governments schedule

What is free will?
I don’t know
as they’ve seen
numbers ‘social distancing’
isn’t stopping the numbers
they need to focus
more on a vaccine?
Or who knows
it could be a thing like
chickenpox we all need
to catch it to be immune

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I don’t like dealing with people, how would that job be ideal for me? Only all my income and work hours depend on people. It’s also expensive to get certified…

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You’re right I should use condoms but wait, are you bugging my phone and watching me have sex!?

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You’re right I probably be on birth control but again, how do you know my business!?

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Really? That’s the best you could find by cracking in my search engine? So I always look for cheap leggings, I’m sick of this high waisted bullshit!

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That’s because the obvious, I’m a ‘brand ambassador’ for some fitness clothing line in the UK. Spoiler alert, it pays nothing. It’s nothing but free advertisement for them. So if I tried one, I’d do another? Nope. Piss off.

Jewelry ambassadors wanted
I bought a necklace for my daughter she won’t wear until she’s older online a while ago. I guess the tracking chip told them I love jewelry — I don’t.

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There’s a lot for that? Haha. You’ll do literally anything to get people’s money!

Thoughts working out

I’m too tired for this shit
I need more monsters and coffee to get me to wake the fuck up

Who am I going to kill later?
Fuck M*** I’d like to fuck him, not really. He’s fucking gross. I’d rather fuck B*** he’s more attractive.

Leaves me with the fucking kid later
Fuck him

Why does my shirt keep flying up?
Why does tying my shirt do nothing?
I picked the wrong shirt again.

I fucking hate high waisted leggings
why am I wearing them?
I’m too lazy to go through my closet

I’m going to feel this later.
Okay, now I’m getting tired.

I need a nap.
Fuck him. I’ll probably fuck him later.

My hair is in my face
— AGAIN

I’m bored with my hair
maybe I’ll make it a reddish blonde
and regret it

30 lessons in 30 years

1. 99% of the things I do is a waste of time.
2. You won’t make any money doing something you love or you’re good at, people that do are far and between.
3. My ability to give a fuck decreases with age.
4. Almost everyone will pronounce your name wrong even if it is simple, even if you correct them a million times — let them look stupid.
5. If you’re going to spend money on makeup, get something that makes a difference.
6. College was a waste of time and money.
7. I don’t care what people say, there is no cure for cancer. Cancer is a death sentence.
8. Differences in time zones.
9. You probably shouldn’t blow a stop sign in the neighborhood, there may be a cop around the corner.
10. If you know what you’re doing at any dance, kickboxing, or fitness class older women comment on how you should be an instructor.
11. I hate people and I still hate people. That’s why I have a job behind the scenes yet they still bother me.
12. Never wear blue lip gloss.
13. Temporary blue hair color is permanent. It doesn’t matter if it says it’ll washout in 5 days, it won’t! It’ll stay green for weeks…
14. Don’t spend money on nice sunglasses or boots, they’ll get destroyed.
15. Any idiot can bake, expect your husband. It’s called read instructions.
16. DNA is subjective.
17. You don’t know shit about being pregnant or having a newborn until you do.
18. Having a baby hasn’t changed the fact I still think and feel the same way about people and don’t want them around her.
19. The myth, ‘your hair will shed’ months after giving birth is true.
20. The bigger the tattoo, the more it itches.
21. Relationships and people are a dime a dozen.
22. Check reviews before you do anything from buying something to watching a movie.
23. The only thing you’ll ever truly be OCD about in life is laundry and coffee.
24. If you’re desperate for extra money, don’t work cleaning at a gym part time unless you’re confident you won’t get some weird disease.
25. Avoid anything that fells like a sweatshop.
26. Walk away from jobs and people you know isn’t working.
27. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been dancing since 4 or 20, a good dancer can learn anything.
28. Try to avoid construction zones.
29. Mother died with secrets.
30. You don’t know what love or sacrifice truly is until it slaps you in the face.

Pregnancy body

So I gained between the normal 20-35lbs and lost 20+ within the first week of giving birth. Here I am 2 months after the fact and I still look like I did when I was 2-3 months pregnant and don’t want to step on a scale.

Why? Because your skin stretches and it’s unrealistic to expect to return to your pre-pregnancy body quickly. I’m lucky I only have stretch marks on my thighs. That’s all I can say. I can only look in the mirror and at how my clothes fit. The scale tells me nothing.

I don’t buy the whole ‘breastfeeding helps you lose weight’ well, for me it didn’t. If anything, making myself do some weird MMA bootcamp shit did. Judge me all you want. I had to quit breastfeeding though I was mass producing and had no issue making milk. It was too much work. I had to pump every 2-3 hours because my engorgement issues. I developed some digestive issues that my baby got as well from something I ate. And my baby had jaundice and had to eat every 2-3 hours. Like it wasn’t enough trying to lact a screaming baby and being the one and only person to wake up numerous times at night to feed her. (Even with formula, you still have to get up. Now it’s only once a night because she is older — not because how I’m feeding her.)

Four weeks postpartum I was back at the gym doing things I probably shouldn’t have been doing. I had no back strength. I could hardly do a sit-up. I did it anyway. I ignored the whole ‘your pelvis is open’ thing. I did it all based on how I was feeling and didn’t listen to the doctors or other people’s opinion. Was it smart? I don’t know but I made it through. Now my arms are stronger. Could be from working out. Could be from carrying around a 12 pound baby all day. Or both.

Do I worry my skin or body won’t go back to where it was? Maybe a little. My mother had six kids and her stomach was a war zone. Full of stretch marks and some saggy skin. I’m not having six kids so I may not have that. My only goal is to look like I did before I was pregnant or close. I’m the worst example to follow. I don’t know why the hell any gym is considering hire me. Not everyone is insane like me. Not everyone has recently thrown out some girls shoulder sparring.

Worst trainers

I’ve had but a few in my life with the many gyms I’ve gone too. The worst I’d say is slow…

 

He said, “What? You’re too skinny to do sits-ups!? Sorry.”

I don’t know if he was trying to be funny or insulting me. He’s lucky I didn’t tell his manager. I actually didn’t hear him say anything about doing sit-ups. It has nothing to do with my body size. Perhaps if he wasn’t busy speaking to the wall I would have heard him.

 

Slow as fuck.

I know I’m more in shape than my peers that’s besides the story. BUT your dance moves could put a senior citizen to sleep. I’ve never been so bored and distant at a gym until you…

 

Shows up late and unprepared.

“I’m sorry, I’m hungover from last night. Do what you want I have nothing.” Okay, so what is the point in me paying $44 extra a month? I’d be better off going back to Planet Fitness. Hell, I don’t need you — you’re extra.

The problems with gyms

I’ve been going to a gym for a decade now. It’s a great place to do your thing for the most part but…

 

They’re disgusting
If you go to one of those more expensive gyms, it’s probably clean. If you go to open of those basic or cheap gyms, it’s not. The locker rooms/restrooms are dirty to the point you notice the same shit marks that’s been in the toilet for weeks.

 

Why? They’re probably understaffed/don’t care.

Let me tell you the week I worked at a basic gym — I was the only cleaner and I worked at night. The manager bombed my phone with texts of complaints throughout the day instead of doing anything about it. Urinals were clogged with literal shit and gum. I kept finding clumps of hair everywhere. I said it was bad for my health and quit (because it was, you had all these germs and shit floating around and I was the only person to do anything about it).

 

Most of them have contracts
You suddenly have to move? They don’t care. You suddenly get sick or have some restriction where you can’t workout? They don’t care. They want their money. It doesn’t matter if you use the facility or services they offer or not.

Hell, when I got pregnant I stopped going to ‘elite kickboxing’ and here I am 9 months in and still paying for it! They said I could have 3 ‘free’ months when I come back. Bitch, it’s not free I had to pay for it! And you probably will require me to sign another contract! Fuck that. I’ll go read up other gym contracts that don’t want to charge me through the roof.

 

There’s different types of gym goers

The ones that only go to the gym to socialize… in the locker room or stand by a person when they workout and talk for a good 30 minutes. It wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t in your way or if you couldn’t hear them. Even with earphones you can!

The ones that pay no attention to their surroundings and cut you off when they walk.

The ones that try to start a conversation with you about your appearance or workout routine… they’re really impressed and don’t appear to get out much.

The ones that smell… everyone sweats okay but not everyone wants your smelly ass in their space.

And the ones that used the locker room as a vanity room and sprays loads of perfume on. We get it, you smell and probably have to go to work after. But what makes you think spraying a ridiculous amount of cheap perfume is going to make you smell better?

 

 

Why can’t all gyms just I don’t know, not be disgusting, have no contracts, or people that need to get in your way one way or another? Because it’s too simple to exist.

Working out pregnant

People look at you
a lot more
like you’re getting fat
but you have a life
growing inside of you
you’re slower
you can’t do
what you used too
without feeling like
you’re going to throw up
or pull something
jump squats
50 burpees
50 sit ups
are not happening
you realize most of those
Instagram pictures
of pregnant women
lifting or running were staged