Walk Away

I could say hello but I’m not interested in small talk
seeing your number makes me want to vomit
seeing your face makes me want to bash it in a million pieces

 

I could explain why I stopped talking to you out of the blue
but I refuse to be interrogated for something I didn’t do

 

I could rant on and on about the things you said and did
that no other man, a stable respectful man would do
you want to say it’s part of your culture or religion
if that were true, you give your people a bad name

 

You don’t listen or take a clue

 

I told you numerous times
you and I would never work out
I don’t like high heels
I don’t want your hands around my neck
I don’t appreciate the comments about
you having a threesome with my younger sister and I

 

I would never convert to Islam
or make an effort to learn your language
you forced high heels on my feet like I was
Cinderella and you were Prince Charming
(yeah, right)
you choked me and slapped my face
you showed me a knife and made a joke
about taking my life
I saw less and less of you
you began to stalk my younger sister and
her friends on Facebook
I told you that was the last straw

 

I told you I didn’t like you as much as you liked me
you proceeded to ask me out
I walked away without answering your requests to see you again
or answering your question, “Do you have someone else?”
I responded, “None of your business.”

I drive by his house

Not by choice

It is the fastest route to get where I am supposed to be

It saves time, money, and energy

I live in the country

If I were to take to fastest route, I would have to drive in my town

to take the highway

I don’t have the time to search for a different method

It would be a waste of my energy

— he’s not that important

 

If he was that important

He wouldn’t have let me go like that

He didn’t like what I wrote in the final text I sent it

I made it clear what I wanted

He rejected but still wanted to be my ‘friend’

‘Friend’ meant fuck buddy

I decided enough was enough and I shot my mouth off

In a second, he was gone

I haven’t heard from since

 

But I get to see his house

when I drive to that city

That place it all happened

That place I hate with a passion

That place I wish I could erase

from my mind

But I can’t

A year later I got the ‘privilege’ of going back there

to study

(I got accepted in all the schools I applied too.

I just had to pick this one, probably because my mother.)

Not what I wanted

But I had no choice

But to sacrifice enormous amounts of money I don’t have

time, energy, and my well-being

 

For what?

What is the point?

 

So I can re-live what happened

again, again, until I go insane?

Or to put him in his cardboard-box shaped house

where he belongs.

He doesn’t belong with his motor vehicles and cars

He is immobile

He is stuck in that place

I am not

I am driving

Valentines Day.

I don’t want…

Flowers, a card, chocolate, or jewelry.

Flowers die.

The words on the card aren’t written by you.

Chocolate makes me fat.

A necklace or ring is pretty.

I will wear it once and forget about it.

 

I want…

 

Something from YOU.

Make me a card, write me a poem, paint me a picture, make me dinner

— I don’t care.

It comes from YOU.

Not something from the store.

It means nothing.

 

Spend TIME with me.

Away from all responsibilities.

You don’t have to spend money, we can go for a walk.

We can even give each other massages all day — I don’t care.

 

All I want.

All I need.

Is YOU.

 

Remind me why we fell in love in the first place.

It wasn’t influenced by anything commercial or generic.

It was two people, us…

Who let our walls down.

 

Useless, disappointing.

I try every day to talk

you got nothing to say

If I express anything

I think or feel

you don’t listen

 

Try to kiss your face

you grab your hand

and push me away

 

I can’t hug you

I can’t kiss you

I can’t tell you this bothers me

you never listen

you never care

 

Week by week

I cry laying in the bed

next to you

you move my body

towards yours to see

if I’m crying

yet you never ask me why

 

You continue to ignore me

 

That isn’t the worse thing

being around you

 

It is the fact

I can’t talk to anyone

about this

I have to put on a face

and pretend everything

is alright

 

I know they don’t like you

I know they don’t understand

why I’m with you

I’m nothing like you

I am just trying to fix

something I can’t fix

 

I’m not happy

so here comes

the breaking point

Yet again

I’ll pretend

I’m not drowning

 

It’s ashame I don’t care

enough about myself

to say this is useless

and disappointing

 

I am sure there

will come

a day

 

That Girl

Looks nothing like me.

She’s a more attractive and less annoying version of me.

Probably because she’s an image. 

 

We never met, probably because she would tell me to go fuck myself.

Scratch that, she wouldn’t say that because she knows I just might.

Then, look at me like I am fucking stupid.

 

Sounds nothing like me.

How I speak in public and how I speak and real life aren’t the same.

Public I’m more awkward and quiet.

In reality, my voice is more annoying.

 

Short conversations and inappropriate conversations only.

Guess that is how the person behind the image rolls.

 

Who knows.

I don’t know.

That girl.

Behind the photo.

 

 

 

What my essays really look like…

This is a real essay, I handed in for a grade this year -- after I fixed it... (the citing is also wrong)

Shortly after Elizabeth reads letters sent to her from Jane, Mr. Darcy walks into her house unexpected. He confesses his love towards her and asks her for her hand in marriage. Elizabeth listens calmy and waits for her chance to speak. At first she lets him down easy until he goes as far to offend her because she refused his purposal. They both lose their patientence and get into a huge argument about why she should accept his hand, and Darcy ruining Janes marriage. In the end, Elizabeth wins and Mr. Darcy walks out. Elizabeth is left alone crying with weakness. She is in fact what Darcy put her out to be. The question reminds is if it was pride that did it to her or predjuice?

Elizabeth goes on to say that she has every reason in the world to think badly of him. He can’t escape what he did as it was “unjust and ungenerous.” It is wrong to separate them from each other, putting one of them in misery, instability, and disappointment.

Darcy just stands their smiling to her accusation as if nothing happen. He can’t deny what he has done because he is too proud. He responds, “I have no wish of denying that I did everything in my power to separate my friend from your sister, or that I rejoice in my success. Towards him I have been kinder than towards myself.” He sounds rather civil and does not cliaim to have done anything but rejoice in his sucess in breaking them up. He supposedly went kinder on Bingley than he has himself.

Elizabeth does not say anything to this, she rather stands their with pride. She thinks of Mr. Wickham — what he has to say? Rather or not he could defend himself in this imaginary friendship going on? Darcy notices her thinking and asks him why she has such an eager interest in his concern. She says that it is because of his misfortunes. She accuses Darcy of reducing him lower beneath the proverty line.

Elizabeth says, “You have reduced him to his present state of poverty — comparative poverty. You have withheld the advantages which you must know to have been designed for him.” (Page 125, Elizabeth) Elizabeth is suggesting that Mr. Darcy is the one to blame for Mr. Wickhams poverty. He reduced him for all what he was worth and kept him that way.

Dary is outraged by her opinion of him. he sees that he is igronant about him as well. He does not say anything about Mr. Wickham nor does he deny what she says. He is too proud. Darcy responds by saying, “And this, is your opinion of me! This is the estimation in which you hold me! I thank you for explaining it so fully. My faults, according to this calcuation, are heavy indeed!” ……… (125. Darcy) He is outraged by her opinion but thanks her for putting it out there. He goes on to say that, “Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. . Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections? — to congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidely beneath my own?” (126) So basically, Dary is not ashamed of the feelings he has caused because they were natural. He couldn’t possibly care or be happy about the low-ranked connections she has. Nor could he possibly have hopes for the lower class position when obivously they are beneath him. It is pretty much impossible for Darcy to do anything about Mr. Wickhams life enough to care nor do anything about it.

Elizabeth became even more furious towards Darcy. She says, “You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared me the concern which I migh have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner.” Darcy is completely wrong in what he said. What he said to Elizabeth has not affected her one bet. She couldn’t possibly show concern in rejecting him when he hasn’t spoken to her like a gentleman — instead of insulting her.

If he made her a better ofer that “would have tempted me to accept it,” than you don’t know how she would have responded. Darcy just stands there puzzled at everything she just said. Elizabeth continues, “From the bery beginning — from the first moment, I may almost say — of my aquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.” (PAGE 126. ELIZABETH) From the very moment he askes her to marry him, his manners impressed her — with his level of aggorance. They did not convience her to marry him. They rather, worked against him.

Darcy accepts the fact she will not marry him and walks out. He says that she said quiet enough and he understands her feelings. He is ashamed of his own. He appoligzes and leave, wishing her the best for her health and happiness.
Elizabeth sat down and cried for an half-hour alone. She knew not how to support herself. She should recieve an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy. That he should have been in love with her for many month. So much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all the objections which had mde him prevent his friend from marrying her sister, and show up to her house with an equal force in his own to marrying her to show his strong affection towards her. But his pride, in not admiting what he has done with respect to Jane has held him back. He could not anknowledge it, justify it, or explain the cruel mannerism towards Mr. Wickham that he had not attempted to deny.

By Elizabeth saying this, she is suggesting he feels obligated to marry her given her circumstances and apperciate the fact that he purposed to her. Though In reality, Elizabeth has never desired him nor liked his opinion. She feels that he feels the same for her, which is why she says it “will only last for a short period,” meaning that he will get over it fast because he does not love her.

She needs to marry him because she is “uncivil,” not a civlized person because she is single and lower class. Instead of asking Elizabeth about her feelings or reasoning for denying his hand in marriage in the first place, he defended his position with pride.

He wouldn’t know rather or not her feelings have been “indifferent, or had they been favourable.” Darcy wouldn’t be able to tell if Elizabeth liked or didn’t like him. In addition to not questioning her about her reasoning or feelings, he did not take into consideration the fact that he ruined her sister, Janes’ marriage.

Source: Pride and Prejudice. Jane Austen