Affairs, affairs

“I swear I will never cheat again.”

The second we breakup I call my ex. Even if I told you about it it’s still considered cheating in your head because we ‘didn’t really breakup’ because we got back together.

 

“We are just friends, I gave him my number to talk that is all.”

I don’t text or call him. You know he’s the backup plan if we get in a huge argument or breakup. And this guy knows, he doesn’t care. He continues to text me and I continue to ignore because I’m in a relationship I don’t want to lead him on. I mean I already told him his place with me, he doesn’t get it. So I’m supposed to delete texts, not add a pass code on my phone — can’t block numbers.

 

“This is all talk, I don’t mean it.”

Of course I do. I wouldn’t go out there and act or hit on some guy though. Relationships are clearly not my speciality. I can say all this stuff about them but I don’t know how it’s really supposed to be. A girl can dream. Unless I feel secure I really can’t mean what I say. It’s like reaching for a million dollars I will never have.

Troubling emotions = Love?

Annoyance.

Why did you say that? Why did you do that? You know I don’t like it. Are you purposely fucking with? Why? What did I do? What the fuck is wrong with you?

 

I hate you.

If I was allowed to use my bad animal instincts without guilt and a prison sentence — I would kill you. That what an animal does when it gets angry.

 

I want you.

Ah you’re just being you — that’s okay. I remember all the good times we had together.

 

I need you.

I’m so lonely — I cry myself to sleep at night. Where are you? I miss you.

 

I love you.

I want you, and only you. I need you, and only you. You make me happy despite the rest of the bullshit.

 

Now… you can go die.

I can’t stand having emotions. It drives me insane. I suppose we can make this work…