Things I will miss vs. Things I won’t miss about College

Will miss

NOTHING.

Won’t miss

Going to class.
The people.
Lectures.
Workshops.
Presentations.
Essays.
Research papers.
Reading.
Criticism.
The weather.
Being there.
Blowing money.

I drive by his house

Not by choice

It is the fastest route to get where I am supposed to be

It saves time, money, and energy

I live in the country

If I were to take to fastest route, I would have to drive in my town

to take the highway

I don’t have the time to search for a different method

It would be a waste of my energy

— he’s not that important

 

If he was that important

He wouldn’t have let me go like that

He didn’t like what I wrote in the final text I sent it

I made it clear what I wanted

He rejected but still wanted to be my ‘friend’

‘Friend’ meant fuck buddy

I decided enough was enough and I shot my mouth off

In a second, he was gone

I haven’t heard from since

 

But I get to see his house

when I drive to that city

That place it all happened

That place I hate with a passion

That place I wish I could erase

from my mind

But I can’t

A year later I got the ‘privilege’ of going back there

to study

(I got accepted in all the schools I applied too.

I just had to pick this one, probably because my mother.)

Not what I wanted

But I had no choice

But to sacrifice enormous amounts of money I don’t have

time, energy, and my well-being

 

For what?

What is the point?

 

So I can re-live what happened

again, again, until I go insane?

Or to put him in his cardboard-box shaped house

where he belongs.

He doesn’t belong with his motor vehicles and cars

He is immobile

He is stuck in that place

I am not

I am driving

Thoughts on Buying Textbooks

Do I really need it?

Spend $100 on a textbook and only do two assignments out of it. Why bother? Especially when I could probably read it online for free somewhere.

 

I’m taking an online course.

I’m not ordering a book from Amazon and waiting for it to come here. If it’s not in the bookstore, then I am going to drop the course — and find one where I can rent an e-book.

 

Rather get the E-book.

If you have money to spend a ridicouls amount on a book you will never read again, go ahead. I don’t. If I know I can save 10-$50 on it, that’s what I am going to do.

 

If I can’t get a textbook…

Take the course without it. NO, I’m kidding. There’s no way you can pass a course without it, unless you’re some kind of genius or something. If I can’t find a textbook, I’ll just drop the course and find something else to fill the gap.

…I’m sure as hell not a genius or the best memorizer in the world — hell, I can’t read my own notes.

Living in the real world AND going to college.

Is really like…

– You’re older than most of your classmates.

-College stories and gossip do not phase you. They’re just annoying.

-You have very, very little money. So, if you get hungry or thirsty you can’t just go get something. The last thing you want is campus food, anyways.

-Constantly need to figure out how to get back and forth to school.

-Have to stay on campus several hours a day. Can’t just go home. It takes away gas and time.

-If you have to cancel something for personal/financial reasons — you’re the bad guy.

-Many people don’t understand that you don’t live on campus — and don’t want a social life with people you will never see again.

-People just assume you’re the same age as everyone else — and live on campus

-Much older people call you a kid. You don’t know if it’s because they see everyone that way — or if you should be offended because you’re not.

-Hardly see your partner. Schedules make it difficult.

-Don’t know if you will graduate.

Why you should stay in school?

1. You look less like a dumbass.
You just met this really awesome hot guy/girl. The first question they ask is, “What do you do?” You’re stumped. You have no idea how to say, I dropped out of high school and am currently unemployed without sounding like a loser. You think its best to ignore the question and talk about your cool interests — kayaking, racing, and bonfires.

 

2. You learn how to write.
Cover letters, resumes, stories, essays, and critiques on things you want to burn in pieces. But, imagine if you sent a cover letter to a potential employer in text message language? It would probably look something like this: hey i think u should hire me cuz im a really hard worker and i always go to places and do things on time. i hope u take the time to look over my resume i really really wanna work for u i promise ill do well thank u i hope to c u soon.

 

3. You learn how to analyze junk.
Something is really, really wrong here — I didn’t like this chicks Facebook status’ before now I really can’t stand it. I want to pull my hair out. She is suggesting that her boyfriend is an asshole and doesn’t feed his child? Why the hell would she post that on Facebook? Does she know people are watching her? Is there something wrong with her? Is that normal?

 

4. Maybe get a job, that’s not fast food.
Maybe, if you do things that’s not just “homework” outside of school. It’s great you take your studies seriously, but how are you going to make connections (that can get you friends/good acquaintances) if all you do is stare at a screen? When an employer looks at your resume, they are going to see — oh you were really involved, you had an average GPA but you did fine with everything else.

 

If you know a lot of smart people or become the teachers pet in college — you could get away with sliding by in college, doing less work, and spending most of your time on social media. After school… you may get a good job or be left completely in the dust. Remember, this is all a system. They don’t actually care about you, they don’t know you personally — they’re just doing their job.

 

Welcome to the “real” world.

What were you like…

In high school?

Uhm…

A skater — or at least I thought I was. (I would paint, write in my journal, play acoustic guitar — badly, run on a treadmill — a lot, read books, do homework, talk to my online boyfriend, starve myself, and cry to sleep. I was in the journalism and french club — got mocked for.)

Everyday — I wore jeans and some stupid black shirt or tank top. Lots of eyeliner, black eyeshadow, and rings on my fingers.

I slept and doodled in Math class. To the point, my teacher got sick of it — and kicked me out of class. I got to hangout in the library in the corner. I had no friends.

I failed Math numerous times. I did well in all my other classes and took them seriously. I wouldn’t have admitted it, I probably would have gotten mocked or something. Who knows my mind back then. I was very hormonal.

First few years of college.

You really don’t want to know. Trust me. First year, academic prohibition. Second year, flunked out. I didn’t take it seriously. I didn’t even do my work. I was like oh, fuck this shit, I’m going to drive my car and have sex with ____. My lovely boyfriend I dated for one month. After that well, like I said… you don’t want to know. It’s a long, long, long… story. I tried to smug it in a short essay once, it didn’t work.

So. I’m here. Again.