Agh

I am mad
I’ve tried everything
I could to forget about it
I talked to people about it
I talked to the source,
I ran, skated, focused on my baby, punched a bag, applied to other jobs,
got drunk, seduced my man, slept on it,
and went for a ride
there’s nothing left
for me to do but
move on
and try to get another job
again
what if I can’t?
the vicious cycle continues
it’s easy for me to ignore
everyone but kinda hard
when I’d have to face them
again
and I guess, go back
to my writing and hope
someday it’s enough
to get me the hell out

Last day of work

My boss decided to keep maintenance because they’re ‘essential’ and have work to do. Despite there being an EXECUTIVE ORDER to shut it down completely. She said, “Maybe you can get unemployment.” HAHA. Yeah, tell me how that’s going for you and your men now? They’re 100% gone.

Then there was my favorite person, my ‘supervisor’ passive aggressive towards me because I told my sister (I work with) everything that’s going on. Does he know that per say? Yeah probably she wasn’t working that day I had to play messenger for my boss. Maybe his girlfriend wasn’t pleasing him again that day, who knows. Oh, I do because every time there’s an issue between them he makes passes at me and texts me asking for pictures? (LOL, I do/did work at the least professional place.) She doesn’t have a clue. I’m just glad I got away from that toxic bullshit.

Crystal madness is

a metaphor
I didn’t really
go out with the mindset
to write about magical crystals
c’mon

I went in with what would
the government, groups
of people do if they
got their hands on
something that can
manipulate your mind
and is worth a lot of money

Answer is easy
erase and alter memories
kill people
chase after them for it
it’s worth more than
anything you’ll see
in your lifetime

And so I thought
of an object
micro chips?
really no
probably a million
stories with them
how about a stone
a crystal?
nobody would suspect
them to have power
or magical properties

Characters?
How about some
‘boring’ editor
and her husband
works for the
military
— perfect
they eventually
breakup
he did things
she didn’t know about
then she ends up
with the guy
that tried to kill her
in the beginning
his mind was
also altered by
‘mind control’
but she finds out
the truth

I published a book

“Hippie Girl” is based on real events from my life. It’s fictionalized for legal and storytelling reasons.

‘Oh, you’re trying to cover you ass?’ Maybe. I mean, I still work at the place all the chaos and illegal shit went down. I recall asking a few people in the story of it was okay I’d use them such as my sister, husband, and mother. All the names have been changed too.

‘Why?’ To respect people’s privacy, legal reasons, and we don’t need the assholes to know I definitely wrote about them!

‘So then, what is it about?’ You have to read it to find out, haha. If you’ve been here awhile you have an idea. All my work together could create a version of this fucked up story.

But basically… this girl, Lila finds herself constantly in weird situations with guys. Her mother’s death definitely didn’t help any. It’s like she replaced one problem for another! Eventually, shit happens and she has to leave all of that behind.

‘Is Lila you?’ Yes and no. Yes, she goes through some shit I did. And no, that’s not my name and she’s a ‘fictional’ character.

‘What does your husband think?’ He wants to read it but I don’t think that’ll be a good idea. We talked about it’s context last night. He seemed to have forgot I had a threesome.

‘Why I didn’t publish it under my marital name?’ Well, for the fact I want to have my private life, private and I’m the only Sandra in this world I know of work that last name. I doubt I’ll ever be that big. But either way, I don’t want to be found! Whereas my maiden name, good luck! I also had this conversation with my mother before she passed and my husband before we married. My mother said, ’it’s your name, do what you want’.

‘What are you doing next?’ Honestly, I don’t know. If you want my honest opinion this story isn’t going to be successful. That’s okay, I knew that. It’s an odd story. Nobody knows who I am. It’s probably not that great. I didn’t even want to write it but it was a monkey on my back. Now the air is clear I can focus on things I actually want to write. It’s not about money. Nobody is paying me shit expect my employer!
 

Last July

He wasn’t around much
you were
I saw fireworks with him
but felt none
at a boring baseball game

you worked during
the fireworks we had at work
I stood around and waited
for you to finish
to say ‘goodbye’

You said you’d make it up
to me and you did
we got a hotel room
we hooked up after work

There was a party
I agreed to meet you there
I was stoned and drunk
you were just drunk
I let you drive my car
we did it under the stars
at a church
and you told me you loved me

I questioned it
when I was sober
you said you
wouldn’t take it back
I avoided any other
conversation about it
it wasn’t what we agreed upon
we were only having fun
both of us had someone

Did he stop trying, no
did he stop drinking, no
he blacked out at work
drinking on the job

Everyone thought
I was being too nice to him
when really I didn’t know the way out
he was one of my bosses
I could only pull away so much
and not say those words

Summer ended

Fall came
and we was behind bars for a DWI

Yet he still told me
you’re the hippie girl
I fell in love with
I meant what I said
I know in your heart
you want to be a mother
you’ll be good

 

No, it’s not his

Thoughts about the latest beauty community drama

Tati called out James Charles on social media for some stuff. Jeffree Star went on Twitter and blasted some tweets and deleted them. Tati feels the need to explain why she did it. James Charles responds with receipts. Jeffree Star says something about coming forward with receipts on Snapchat and instead just talks about his side of knowing rumors and saying some things he shouldn’t have.

Fans are still being like end so and so on all their ends. I feel like the majority of people like me though are like, well y’all should have been able to handle this like adults behind closed doors. And a lot of people say and do shit online. It doesn’t make them a bad person. I’m sure we all have at one point. We live in a world people are quick to jump the gun. Also a sickening world we’re dozens of YouTubers and gossip platforms are using this as another story to exploit and profit of it. Can’t tell you how many recommendations I’ve seen and how many stories online and the news about it. Then I’m like, I’m glad we live in a world that drama like this matters more than the real issues in the world.

I’m indifferent towards James, I have been since I came across his channel. Probably because I’m 29 years old and he’s going on 20. I connect more with Tati and Jeffree. BUT I would like him to grow into a better influencer and I’m sure he will in time. I’m not wishing his downfall. As for Tati and Jeffree, I hope they heal over this. And I don’t know, maybe one day get back to being friends with James in the future. They all need to keep in mind they’re big influencers. What they say and do does leave an impression on their younger audience.

And no, I am not getting paid to write this… 😂🤣 #justsomeonesickofseeingandhearingthedrama

“Do what you want with your name”

she said in the last conversation I had with her before she passed. She didn’t tell me whether or not I should filter the truth. Should I fictionize it completely to protect my ass? Obviously I need to change names but also the workplace? But he never made us sign a form stating we can’t share information about what goes on nor our experiences. Even if he did, do you know how many malls there are in the world? You can’t prove it’s yours.

Of course I wrote a 50 page draft in a fictional restaurant and characters that didn’t feel real. I lost interest in it and haven’t seen it in about 2 years now. The only writing I’ve done has been on my blog. For a while I thought it was to get revenge on an ex supervisor that treated us like shit or to expose how fucked I am — but it wasn’t. It was to expose what really happened behind the scenes. Something anyone can relate too whether they work some shitty minimum wage job, decent, or fancy one.

Sex in the workplace, workers that go off for hours during their shift no one notices, drug dealing, smoking marijuana or doing other drugs at work, drinking, etc.

So what happened to that story? It didn’t have a plot. People kept doing shit for no reason at all. How many times can you watch a character fuck up and get annoyed over the same repetive shit? Probably until the end he finally gets arrested for a DWI. Then it gets boring and life goes on. His love interest ends up pregnant by her husband. It sounds more like some lifetime shit and less like the interesting SCI FI stories I had old men operating on someone’s brain.

So I’m left with the question, what is a story worth telling?