Disney movie lessons

Mulan

To be a man, you have to dress and act like one? It doesn’t mean you’ll be strong as one — unless you have a hot shirtless guy training you.

 

Mulan II

You have to figure out how to keep earth, sky, day, night, sound, silence, dark, and light in balance.

 

Lion King

Life is a circle.

 

Lion King II

It’s who you are.

 

Tarzan

Trust your heart, let fate decide. If you lose your parents, you’ll be raised by monkeys. (Until one day you grow-up and fall in love with a woman that teaches you English.)

 

Pocahontas

White blonde men are ignorant assholes unless they learn how to paint.

 

The Little Mermaid

Life under the sea is better than the human world.

 

Aladdin

You steal only what you can’t afford.

What Characters names mean

Hello Kitty
Bye You-Shitty

 

Cinderella
Kiss me I’m Bella

 

Batman
Bird man

 

Superman
Steroid man

 

Rapunzel
Rap in hell

 

Bella
Hell yeah

 

Prince Eric
Rich prick

 

Spider-man
Creep on steroids

 

Ariel
Air head

 

Tinkerbell
Ring her bell

 

Peter Pan
Later man

 

Rudolph
Ride me up

 

Easter Bunny
Easy honey

 

Pocahontas
Kiss my ass

 

Tarzan
I ran

 

Bambi
Baby

 

Snow White
Now I ate

Names for Disney Movies

Peter Pan = Puck Man

If I pucker my lips, I become a “grown up.” I’ll try it, but I’m going back to Neverland…

 

Cinderella = C U Later

Hurry up. Dance with my prince. Run home. Maybe I’ll see him again, maybe I won’t. Wait, he’s got my shoe…

 

Aladdin = All In

I can’t be myself. I must go all out. Wear flashy clothes, and brush my hair — to look handsome and worth a lot of money. Pray to god no one gets caught in my web of lies.

 

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs = A Stupid White Chick and Seven Dorks

The house must be clean. I can’t focus if it isn’t — especially with the seven roommates of mine who think I’m hot. Why? It couldn’t be because you’re the only chick in the area.

 

Beauty and the Beast = Bitch and the Bastard

If I could, I would spend all my time reading and dreaming — or simply scaring people away with my appearance. But wait, there’s more to life then this — show me?

 

Sleeping Beauty = Stupid Bitch

I’m just sleeping, sleeping, sleeping, and sleeping — my life away. When will my prince come and wake me up? Never? Okay — I guess that’s fine…

 

Pocahontas = Poke Your Ass

Hey dudes and chicks — did you know there’s more to life then killing creatures and owning land you have no right too? Do I need to stick a stick up your ass to get the message? — oh I can’t it has to be PG.

 

Mulan = Moron

I need to disguise myself as a man to bring honor to my family — being a woman isn’t enough. If I look like — act like a boy, I’m more likely to be accepted.

 

(Hundreds/thousands of years ago. It wouldn’t work in 2014, people can sense bullshit miles away.)