Footage of an ‘Aquarius moon’ experiencing emotions

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I don’t feel anything. I’m emotionally numb and retarded. The only emotions I know are lust, desire, passion, and anger. I only feel lust, desire, and passion in bed. After I do it there’s nothing there. I’m empty. Someone pisses me off, I turn in 2 seconds to a raging asshole. Do I yell? Not unless I’m married to you. Strangers, acquittances, and co-workers I can forget about just as fast as they pissed me off. But if, I don’t I have some history, relationship, or interest in you — it’s different. I stay mad longer. Sometimes I don’t realize I’m mad until I’m alone in my head. Do anything about it? I try. But sometimes, the physical and creative work I do isn’t enough. So I get drunk and high a bit. It does nothing but get me out of myself. Do I have a problem? No. I don’t think drinking a few times a month or smoking weed once a blue moon means you have a problem. It’s a problem when you use them as a crutch. I don’t. I wish I could but that’s not me. I have a daughter now. I would never put her or myself in that position. I don’t even do those things when she’s around. I don’t judge people but they judge me. I don’t care enough about people in general to care what they’re doing.

I used to be angry

before him
I didn’t know why
repressed emotions
from her death
and some other things
I kept well hidden

I said I’m not angry
anymore
he said bullshit
there’s a reason why
I’m ‘beating the crap
out of everything’
maybe he was right
the only expression
on my face was anger

Now it is blank
cold stone
I might as well be a robot
I think but I don’t feel
I loved again
it was gone
against my will
and wrong

I’m back to nothingness
like I was when
my mother passed
they exist
only in my dreams now