What things mean before & after you marry

“Pay attention to me”

Before
I want to cuddle/have sex.

After
You’re not listening. Shut up. Why don’t you give me a massage anymore? Let’s cuddle. Nevermind, I’m bored let’s have sex and fall asleep.

 

“I’m fine”

Before
I’m not telling you what’s wrong. I guess you’ll see.

After
You should know what the issue is. I’m quiet because I’m pissed. Anything to say or do after this point may or may not be held against you.

 

“I’m not happy in our relationship”

Before
I’m not convinced you’re the one for me and need reasons to stay.

After
You’re walking on thin ice, be careful.

 

“You have pretty eyes”

Before
I really think you do…

After
I want something.

 

“How much money do you have in your account?”

Before
I’d never ask you that.

After
I want you to make my car payment.

 

“How much did you spend on that?”

Before
It looks cheap/expensive.

After
You better not have spent too much. If you do, why aren’t you pitching more in for bills and stuff?

 

“I love you”

Before
Nothing, genuinely do.

After
I only say it when I want something.

 

“I’m sick of doing all the work”

Before
Probably actually referring to work.

After
Referring to work, relationship, house, and/or bed.

‘Text an ex in isolation’

The dumbest headline I’ve seen all week.

If you’re single, okay. You have nothing to lose but your pride, ego, and mind. If you’re in a relationship, you’re playing with fire. Especially if your partner doesn’t know, it’s ‘emotionally cheating’ and leads to more drama than it’s worth. If you and your ex are able to be strictly friends, congratulations. That’s often not the case.

Been there, done that back in the day. Ultimately lead to me sleeping with them. Conflict? No, not really. More like okay, I’m completely over you and it wasn’t that good. What was I thinking? Hey, if that’s what you need to do to move on, go ahead. But if you’re trying to fill a void, it’s going to get you nowhere. Temporary fix for a problem. I know ‘isolation’ is boring and traumatic for some. What is talking to your ex going to do? Bring back things that should have stayed in the past.

I’m not saying you can’t fix it and get back together, and stay together. I’ve been there too. You know how many times my husband broke up and got back together? Too many. Because every time we broke up it lasted 24-72 hours. Eventually you need to grow the fuck and stop the bullshit. Yes, I’m quoting my mother and will probably say this to my daughter someday.

14 reasons relationships suck

Missed Valentine’s Day this year so here’s 14 thoughts about why relationships are stupid.



1. If you’re dating, you’re obligated to buy something for your partner every holiday. Miss one? See what happens.

2. At one point you’ll be asked when you’re going to commit, if you’re already committed they ask you when you’re going to be single.

3. You can’t always say what you’re thinking unless you want to create tension or have an argument.

4. You can’t spend money on whatever the hell you want without your partner either getting suspicious or bitching at you for spending.

5. You’ve been in a relationship or married a while? Your romance is dead. The letters, gifts, and spontaneity died a while ago.

6. Your sex sessions got less and/or shorter. Why? You’ve done everything at this point and your partner feels like they no longer have to work for it. They just want to hit it and go back to sleep.

7. Unless you have an open relationship, you can’t sleep with whoever you want if those needs aren’t being met.

8. You can be attracted too one or multiple people when you’re still in a relationship but again, can’t act upon unless you want drama.

9. You have to listen to your partner talk about shit you don’t care about.

10. Third parties get involved or give their opinion about what is or isn’t working in your relationship.

11. People ask when you’re going to have kids. If you already have kids, they ask you when you’re having more!

12. You’re either morally or legally abided to them. (Like marriage, you can’t just get out without getting a lawyer involved.)

13. Emotions, feelings, tend to get involved. You’re not sure if you signed up for that shit.

14. You can’t just always say and do whatever the hell you want. You have to consider your partner at times too.

12 signs of dating past

Aries
He was fascinated by me being a virgin and thought I was serious about dancing in the rain naked with him. Turns out I’m nothing more than a “tease” — he hates that.

Taurus
Pick one. You want the one confused with his sexuality, worships his mother, or the one that will kiss you and not sleep with you because he has a girlfriend.

Gemini
You want someone that’ll stalk you and not make any sense? There you go. Or the one that’ll give you an open relationship… ideal if that’s what you want.

Cancer
I haven’t dated a single Cancer. Why? Because he’s either my old boss that checked every young girl out or the dude that lives miles away and has a pregnant fiancé.

Leo
I think they have nice arms? Well most of them anyway because I usually spot them at the gym. I know this guy, he’s some sponsored athlete. We never dated but I kicked his other Leo friend’s ass. We never dated either — I’m like another guy to them.

Virgo
What about them? I think I’ve meant more Virgo women than men. But my brother is a Virgo and he enjoys being single. Maybe that’s why.

Libra
Behold, all my favorite musicians are but they’re female. I’m not into girls. My sister’s ex was a Libra and he was ‘shallow and boring as hell’ according to her.

Scorpio
I’m a Scorpio. I never dated a Scorpio. Hell, I don’t know any Scorpios that dated a Scorpio. Like we have some secret agreement not to fuck with each other figuratively and literally.

Sagittarius
The lovely ‘Agent of Douche’ I called him. Maybe because I’m ‘too immature’ or maybe because he was never happy. I also spilled his beer and almost destroyed his dirt bike. I still wasn’t ‘housewife material’ enough for him.

Capricorn
The only man that was dumb enough to actually marry me. He believes in marriage and I don’t. Should come with a warning that all he’s going to do is complain about money and will try to get you pregnant.

Aquarius
He said he wanted a friends with benefits relationship… a week later told me he was in love with me and wanted to runaway with me. Not what he agreed upon. Said he has no emotions but constantly discusses how he feels…

Pisces
Asked me to runaway and marry him when I was 18. My mother wasn’t found of him because he was a lot older than me… and lived on the other side of the world. ‘He must be delusional’.

Boy

has seizures
in the middle
of the night
he dreams of a girl
he can never have
she is married to
another man
he tries but can’t
find the words
besides
‘you’re pretty’
he can’t say it
to her face
he might explode
and die
unaware she likes
him too

Smalle is back

He looks at me
like I haven’t
seen you in forever
you look good
I want to bang you
you want to bang me?

I just keep walking
why don’t you want me?
is it because I blocked and unblocked you?
you were cheating on me
you thought I was doing something
is it because I sucked in bed?
you liked it

Yeah, I wanted you
but it never would have gotten anywhere
I didn’t love you like I loved him

You could have

Some things aren’t meant to be
I know but why do I still want you?
tell me, do you still want me too?

Sexually, we’ve always had a strong attraction
but I cannot
why not?
it’s playing with fire

Missed connection

I never met someone as big as a douchebag as you. You live in a yellow cardboard box shaped house in the middle of nowhere. You go to the bar alone or with co-workers to join the rest of the townies in your area. When we first met you lied about your age. I thought you were four years older than me but you were actually eight. I figured that out when I saw your drivers license on your dresser. You said you lied your age when you were younger to get land and other benefits. You got older and lied so you can get dates with younger women because you had no intention to settle down. Of course, you lied and say you did. You broke up with me a couple of times because you wanted a ‘housewife’ and it wasn’t me. The entire time you were fucking other people and on other dating websites. You used that as excuse to go about your business. I returned the favor and joined other websites. I downgraded you as a fuck buddy as well. I found someone else and forgot about you. Or so, I thought. I miss the fun we had together, no one else was a big douchebag as you. You broke up with me the last time because I spilled your beer and didn’t clean it up. If you’re in the area and happen to see me walking on the street, don’t pull over and ask me what’s up or if I want to see you later like you have once. I mean, I said I loved someone else. Why would it be any different?

“Think about it, why are you going back that way?”

I have too many issues and I can’t commit my life away to someone.

 

No one was asking you too. You’re at the point you settle down.

 

Like what? Get married and have kids?

 

Yes. Isn’t that what you want?

 

No. The idea of marriage and kids repulse me.

 

Why? Love is a beautiful thing.

 

It’s disgusting, confusing, and scary.

 

It can create wonderful things.

 

So can Mother Nature.

 

You love him?

 

Yes but I can’t commit to him.

 

You can if you want too, you choose not too.

 

It’s not that simple. You need to be physically, emotionally, and mentally in place for that to happen. I lack the assets, am bored and indifferent, and know that’s because I am who I am and can’t change.

 

You could if you wanted too.

No. I don’t think you understand. You don’t know me, he doesn’t know me. When I get bored and feel nothing, I tend to wander off. When I wander off I explore and find something I like. I take it, know the consequences of it and don’t care — life is too short. I would hate to miss out on something because one douchebag held me back from living my life.

 

What if you loved the douchebag and he did it for your own good?

He doesn’t have the capacity to think about what’s good for me, only what’s good for him. I have the capacity but don’t use it on him.

 

You’re intentionally bad?

I just know what I want, want what I want, and don’t care.

 

Are you a cheat?

Once a cheat, always a cheat. Be my friend by all means, nothing more. We can hookup but we can’t date. It doesn’t matter how good you are in bed, how hot you are, what you do, if you’re funny, etc. It matters how fast you run.

 

When did this start?

A few Decembers ago, I “travelled” to a cardboard box shaped house I have known.

 

You loved him?

No, we had a lot of fun though. He cheated on me. I found him on numerous dating websites.

She likes you

About girls who are Type passive or hard to get.

 

 

#1 She makes in fun of you.

If not in front of you, behind your back to people she knows. They know you speak funny and should consider taking more showers.

Why? She’s a bitch but she still has some brain, morals, and standards. She can’t say, “I want to sleep with you.” That’d be wrong on many levels (but mocking you and/or being two faced isn’t?)

#2 She looks at you.

You’re thinking, so people look at people or she caught me looking at her which is possible. If you’re feeling there is an attraction between you, there most likely is.

#3 How she is around you.

Sometimes she seems shy, other times not so. Sometimes she speaks without thinking. She knows what she says doesn’t really matter.