‘Front end’

“Thank you for calling…”

Don’t fucking call me. 

“Please… blah blah thank you”

It hurts my soul to be fake nice to people. 

“Will you take a note for me?”

Get fucking voicemail like everyone else. I’m not a call girl. You think the only thing I do is take calls? Wrong. 

“You tell him I called.”

Yeah, I literally can’t leave my desk. I’m busy, he’s busy, and I’m not calling him. 

“Tell him I’ll be there in five minutes.”

I’ll get right on it. Dumb bitch. 

“May I speak to the manager?”

No, here’s his voicemail. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. 

“Do you have a Facebook?”

Nope.  

“What about your parents?”

They’re dead. 

“I’m so sorry.”

I don’t need a pity party or your ill attempts at small talk. Next.