My laziness

Hungry, wants dinner and doesn’t feel like cooking
Doesn’t cook dinner, settles on a bagel and small bag of plain chips.

 

Thirsty, doesn’t want to go to the kitchen to get something
Takes a cup to the bathroom and fills it with water. (It’s a good thing it’s not city, you’d have to walk a few extra feet to get filtered.)

 

Spends time making ice coffee for tomorrow
Won’t spend time to make food or get a drink out of the kitchen.

 

Takes two baths to lay in the tub
Gets out of the tub to lay in bed.

 

Doesn’t want to brush hair
Puts it in a bun because nobody will notice it.

 

In the event you must leave the cave
Put on sunglasses instead of makeup.

 

Sees a text message and doesn’t respond
Says I was busy, asleep, or didn’t get it

Why I can’t be an Astrologer

I know nothing about the planets, science, or math.

 

My astrology forecast would look like this…

9PM: Sorry I couldn’t send this message sooner… There is full moon and stars shinning bright in the sky. I’m guessing the moon is in Taurus because the sun is in Taurus. It means, you are going to want to binge eat soon.

 

“He is an Aries, I am a Pisces. Should we date?”

My response: “I don’t care, date whoever you want. There is more to astrology then the sun sign.”

 

“I am a Pisces, he is a Libra.”

“You care what his sign is? So you’re more emotional and he is more detached. Good luck.”

 

How to read horoscopes…

 

Today you are going to win a lot of money.

What, you didn’t win money? That’s because Jupiter started acting stupid.

Things guys don’t quite understand

I just came home, don’t talk to me

Especially joke. Chances are I’m hungry, tired, or miserable. If I was happy, you would know it — then and only then say whatever you want.

 

I can tell you’re looking at me

I get it, it’s normal to look at someone if they appear somewhat attractive, interesting, or weird. You could at least not make it obvious you are looking.

 

If I don’t laugh, I don’t think you’re funny

Just strange or annoying.

 

I can’t look you in the eye

I’m telling you what you want to hear to get you off my back. I’m clearly not interested.

 

If I laugh, I might like you

I’m not going to make the next move, it’s up to you.

 

If I have another man, it shouldn’t stop you

Just because I have a man doesn’t mean I’m going to stay with him forever. There is nothing wrong with us talking, it’s not like we are going to have sex.

 

I didn’t ‘fix’ myself for you

My hair looks good. My clothes look good. I didn’t do it for you, boo. I’m either going somewhere and/or did it for the hell of it — because that is how I am.

Facebook and Twitter Etiquette For Dummies

Facebook

 

Who to add…

People you actually know or met. There’s no problem adding ‘fans’ or ‘strangers’ if you know they aren’t some psychopath, criminal, or pervert — and you actually talked to them somewhere.

 

Try not to add…

Colleagues, professors, bosses, or co-workers. It is weird for them, and it is weird for you. If you do, do both of you a favor and don’t complain about work, life, or relationships. You have to be ‘professional’.

 

Avoid comments turning into a…

Private message or forum. Then everyone gets to know your business, thoughts, and feelings. That’s not something you want…

 

Status overload…

Selfies, rants, videos, or articles. Although some people like it, not everyone is going to. And yeah, yeah… there’s that whole ‘I don’t care if they like it or not’ — and right you shouldn’t!

…You’re entitled to your thoughts, feelings, and what you put out there. You don’t need to constantly share it with people who may be shallow or just not care.

 

 

Twitter

 

Follow…

Whoever you want.

 

Post…

Whatever you want. But if you’re posting twenty tweets every hour maybe you need to rethink…

 

Don’t post…

Whatever you want. You know you’re reaching more people then Facebook, right? If you start hate talking people, spreading conspiracies, and terror — the government will find you.

 

Telling people to follow you…

They will follow you. It’s okay, it’s fine for business — a lot of people have done it. However, there’s people that become OBSESSED with how many followers they get. It becomes a drug. It can turn a good person into a narcissistic, just like Facebook.

 

 

Facebook and Twitter…

 

This is just words from a persons experience. Everyone is different.

…How obsessed are you with getting likes, comments, tweets, and re-tweets?

What. Why.
Who cares? You shouldn’t care.
They don’t really care.
You know who cares…